You know what’s frustrating? I’m not a confrontational person. I avoid conflict like the plague. I’m also a sensitive person. I cry easily and when I cry, I lose my voice, and I hate it. I hate being so sensitive. But, being a sensitive person, I can usually tell what someone else is feeling. Get an air about them as they enter a room. So, as a sensitive person who hates conflict, when someone approaches me with the clear signs that something’s wrong (their posture is stiff, they’re facing directly at me, their tone is guarded, and their eyes tell all). When they approach with this stance, I want to go away. I know right off the bat this won’t be a pleasant conversation so I don’t want to be a part of it.
Yet, I’m also someone who addresses those that want to talk to me.
When someone approaches to admit their beef–or rather NOT admit their beef, but judge me for it anyway–I have to fight through my inner panic to give a response. Let me tell you, I never come up with the best thing to say. My responses likely make me seem dumber than I actually am, but there’s a reason for that. I’m not a talker. I’m a WRITER. I can’t think of the perfect words on the spot. I need time to mull them over. When you’re in a confrontational conversation, whoever’s approaching you wants answers immediately. They don’t want you to think about it. They want you to crack under their scrutinizing gaze and prove them right. The most frustrating part about this is the aftermath. After they’ve taken their victory and left. It’s in the aftermath that I think of the perfect words I should’ve said. It’s in the aftermath that my mind has the conversation that would’ve made me proud of myself.
It’s in the aftermath that the pen comes out.
Writing is sometimes the only way for me to get over something. To focus my thoughts and clear my head. Get it on the page and let the page carry the burden. After that, I can usually walk away from it. Get some sleep. Move on.
Maybe you’re like me? Sensitive. Nonconfrontational. Frustrated. If you haven’t tried writing to help you through it, I recommend it. Just know you’re not alone. I wish I had the answer to help deal with those confrontational conversations. The answer on how to be bolder and stand up yourself whenever someone is belittling you. But I don’t.
What I can tell you is that you need to move on. What happened, happened. You can’t change it. You could try to approach the person and set things right, but they might not be in the mindset to see things your way. They might not even realize they were in the wrong. So, don’t sweat over it. I was belittled recently and it stuck with me for days afterwards. In the end, there’s nothing I can do to change what happened. I can only change what I do now and I choose to not let it bother me. I choose to not think about it. Not dwell on it or let it define my decisions moving forward. Someone belittled me. It probably came from a place of hurt and misunderstanding. I’ll give them that benefit of the doubt. Why should I sink down to their level and hold a grudge? Grudges only hurt the people who hold them. So, I’m letting it go.
Yes. What they did hurt me. Their actions in a span of a few seconds affected me for days, but I forgive them. I’m letting it go and moving on because it’s not worth it. I’m worth more than how they made me feel, and I don’t deserve to have this dragging me down.
I hope you’ll see things this way when someone belittles you. Don’t let others drag you down. You’re worth more.
nikki diekemper 