Include the following in your story: funeral, condemn, distribution, button, sink, tax, art, jealousy, brain, lover.
If I could change the past you wouldn’t have been taken by weakness or by illness of age. Your funeral wouldn’t have occurred. Life would still hug your breath and you’d be enjoying the art of creation with us. We’d go down to the docks at the lake and watch lures sink into the water and how everyone fought over the distribution of the banana bread. Sure, so many people in one place is as burdening as tax season, but at least you would be here.
I’ll admit, I was green with jealousy when you gave your attention to everyone else, but I know I’m never one to open up or speak or make conversation, so it isn’t your fault. It just matters that you were here even though I was condemned from your attention.
We’d still play games at night. You wouldn’t be on my team, I’d make sure of it. I always kicked my brain into overdrive just to tease you or ruin your moves. What I wouldn’t give to hear one more “Nikki!” from you.
You lived a long life, but I’d make it longer if I could. I wouldn’t be buttoned up with regrets. I’d show you that I can drive stick. That I could make it out there on my own and get a call from you asking what mile marker I’m at. I would’ve called you more, even if I couldn’t understand you. At least I would be there to listen.
I’ll soon be at the lake again, but you won’t be there. Though, everyone will say you’ll be there in spirit. Maybe you are watching? Watching your family; your sons and daughters and your wife who was your lover. I know you look over my cousins, help guide their way, but do you ever see me?
If you were here. I would talk to you more. You were the only one who noticed my absence, saw me when I was invisible. But you’re not here now and history is set. There’s nothing I can do to get rid of my regrets.