Intelligence Test

Are you ready for some nonsense? Sometimes you need a little to get you through the day. This is the test I took back in 2014. The goal is to get creative. So, let me know how you would answer these questions below:

1. What can you catch on your tongue?

A galaxy. Catch a galaxy on your tongue. Feel the fizzle and bursts of the stars and the sour black holes. Catch a galaxy and clench it tight. Smile and see it shine through your teeth. Hold it out for all to see. the beauty and elegance there on your tongue. Just be careful not to swallow.

2. How do you wash your hair?

Run outside and roll in the grass to comb out your tangles. Then, get up and grab some leaves to scrub out the filth. Run back inside and pour apple juice on your hair singing “Oh Susana!” the entire time. Finally, dry with your own underwear. Make sure to wear it on your head for the entire world to see.

3. Can you inflate a balloon?

Of course I can! You grab a balloon and fart in it until it inflates. With the inflated balloon run up to a stranger and pop it! When you smell your own fart, wave the stink away while saying to the stranger: “Eww, you just farted!” Then grab a new balloon to do it again.

4. What can you do with a hen?

You can teach it to drive. Let it sit lower than the steering wheel and run over everyone in town. Then tell it it’s doing a great job! Go to the store and show it all the eggs saying that each one belongs to it. Watch it get so protective that it won’t let anyone do anything with the eggs.

5. What can’t you do with an egg?

You can’t light it on fire or toss it in a forest to watch it burn. Take an egg and teach it to whistle. Throw it on a trampoline and bounce it until it cracks. You can’t hatch the egg into a dinosaur or even grow it to be a cornstalk. Just make sure you don’t show it to the hen.

6. What can you do with an ax?

Use it as a pogo stick! Ride it like a unicycle! Use it to chop a femur. Care for it like it was your baby. Go and take care of the protective chicken at the grocery store. Why do you ax?