To the Christian Dreamer

Can I be real? Just for a second? I’ve been quite a bit down lately. It’s another one of my low points where I start to feel like everything is impossible and I can’t do anything right. Like anything. I mean, I feel like I’m not measuring up at my job. I wrecked my car and will be out a vehicle for probably over a month. I’ve been too upset with myself to want to engage in conversation with anyone–including family. And, when it comes to my novel, I’m scared out of my mind.

I have a journal where I write all my down days in. Whenever I feel like this, I pull out that journal and write down everything that’s bothering me. I lay it all out and then let the pen take over. Most of the time, I can reason with myself to make me feel better or I’ll write a prayer. Most of time, it makes me feel better, but now…I just feel stuck.

I couldn’t get myself to write anything encouraging in my journal this time because I’ll feel like a hypocrite if I do. I know the pattern. I screw up. Write about it. Feel better. Screw up again. Write about it. Repeat. So, I stopped writing. Instead, I went back to my previous journal entries. The last one was in May when I talked about how excited I was at the prospect of getting a permanent job at my zoo. The one before that was in April. Back then, I was offered two different jobs, and I was conflicted about which one to pick (I’m sure you remember all the webposts I wrote about it). At the end of that journal entry, I wrote something that’s caught my attention now. I’d like to share it, but please. Don’t judge. This is a section of my diary, after all:

“So, I’m as lost as ever on what to do in life. Why is it that I have to want “impossible” or “unlikely” dreams? Why couldn’t I have a passion for something easier and more profitable?
God willing, something will give.”

It felt like a kick in the head when I read that. By now, you know my dream. I want to be a published author. I want to write a series of books that everyone will love. I also want to help the exotic species on the planet. Work side by side with large felines and help save them from extinction. These two dreams feel very impossible/unlikely to me. Why? Because I know I’m out of my league. I don’t read enough books to know the market, or who’s who in the publishing world, or what people are into these days. I’m not the expert at querying and I’m terrible at talking up my book. So, who’s to say I have a shot? Even if it did get published. There’s no guarantee that it’ll be successful. And, saving animals from extinction? That’s a tall order in a world where people don’t take care of their planet. What can I do? I’m a just a part-time zookeeper with only a year’s experience.

Doesn’t matter how you look at it. I got the odds stacked against me when it comes to my dreams. I’m scared I’ll never achieve them and that’s what led to me saying they’re impossible/unlikely. Yet, my journal entry still kicked me in the head. Why? Because it made me think of this webpost. This one. “To the Christian Dreamer.” The one you’re reading right now. I started writing this webpost a couple weeks ago after something I heard on the radio, but it never felt quite right to me, so it got imprisoned as an uncompleted draft. This is probably my fifth attempt at finishing it.

What I heard on the radio a couple weeks ago was really encouraging. It almost felt like a breath of relief the more I thought about it. Here’s what it was:

If you’re dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.

Here’s where the Christian part of this post comes in. The radio station I heard that on was Klove, a Christian radio station. When I went back to my April journal entry, and read how I called my dreams “impossible” or “unlikely,” it reminded me of this quote. My dreams terrify me, because I’m not sure I’m qualified to complete them. There is someone who is qualified, though, and He’s big enough to make anything happen.

I remember a song I used to hear on the radio all the time. Every time I heard it, it made me cry. I haven’t heard it a while, though. Almost forgot about it until I saw that journal entry. It’s called “Unstoppable God” by Sanctus Real. The chorus goes like this:

“Nothing can stop an unstoppable God
He’s not afraid of impossible odds.
This is the promise that I’m standing on.
Nothing can stop an unstoppable God.”

So, I’ve got a big God who gave me a passion for big dreams, and He’s not afraid of how the odds of me becoming an author are stacked against me. He’s got a plan (Jeremiah 29:11) and I gotta believe it. Even when I don’t feel like it. Dreams are meant to be big because we’re not meant to do them alone. We can’t do them alone. God wants to be a part of them to help us soar high on wings like eagles. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). There’s no need to be afraid or discouraged, because we’re not alone in this (Isaiah 41:10). Even when we feel like we’re too weak or don’t measure up to the task, God’s there to help (2 Corinthians 12:9).

If God’s in my corner, then there’s no reason why I can’t become a published author or make a difference in the lives of large felines. Same goes for your dream. If it’s so big that it scares you, remember: nothing is impossible to the God of creation. It’s your dream. I dare you to pursue it with Him.

Hey, look at that. I feel better.

Published by Nikki

I am an aspiring author with one novel written and ready for representation and many in the works.

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