Season of Hope

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite season of year? Why?
View all responses

My favorite season would have to be spring. I’m not a fan of cold, and I love watching the world wake up to warmth. My job requires me to spend a lot of time outside which means I get affected by the seasons. I’m out in the scorching heat of summer, I wonder at the vibrant colors of fall, and I trek through the heavy snowfalls of winter. I see it all. Yet, my favorite thing to see is the new growth of spring.

In winter, the trees are a bunch of sticks, dead looking fingers sticking up to the sky. Melted snow makes everything mushy and the brisk wind makes it uncomfortable walking from one building to another. Yet, when spring comes around, you see life budding on the trees. The cold wind is banished with the hug of warmth and flowers make themselves known. There’s new life and the reminder of new beginnings, new hope.

Then, there’s also the storms.

Spring time is a season of storms and I come from a family that enjoys them. Heavy rain, rumbles of thunder, and lightning dancing across the sky. It’s another sign of change from the cold winter and rainfall quenches the thirst of the land.

I enjoy looking at the world after a springtime rain. I remember several times walking dogs at a previous job where I’d take the long path to enjoy the color change rain did to the trails. When it rains, it darkens the bark and branches of trees and other plants. The sky is still an overcast gray, so the world would seem gloomy and dim; however, in the bloom in the spring, colors pop.

With the darkened bark and the gray sky as contrast, the colors of leaves and flowers stand out. My favorite tree to find is a redbud at this time, because the shades of purple on its petals stick out like medieval royalty. Then there’s all the dandelions looking like little suns against the dark of mud. It’s a nice reminder that in the midst of a storm, you can still find beauty and hope.

That’s what I love about spring. Summer is fun and fall is beautiful. Winter’s too cold, but spring is hopeful, and the world could use a little more hope.

Heart of a Warrior

Daily writing prompt
Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?
View all responses

My favorite books when I was younger was definitely the Warriors series by Erin Hunter. I started reading them in Jr. High when my library ran out of the Guardians of Ga’Hoole books by Katherine Lasky (another series I thoroughly enjoyed).

You can say I became a little obsessed with the Warriors series. I mean, it’s a series about cats surviving in their own clans in the wild. I got a lot of the books, drew the characters in my schoolbooks, checked out the original website where you could figure out which clan you belonged in and even made my family do it to. Based of their results, I started writing my own fanfiction. Then, I learned about the online writing roleplay and I got hooked into that.

I enjoyed the series and not because it was about cats, but because it involved characters becoming warriors. Characters that stuck to their code or followed their heart. There was a lot of potential for conflict and the first series does a really good job making a zero a hero. Jr. High to high school was rough for me, but it was nice to read about these cats who always had each others backs or followed their ambitions or put their clan before themselves. My favorite characters were the most loyal ones.

This series also helped me become a better writer. By joining the online, writing roleplay, I was able to hone my skills in description and story development. I even learned leadership skills when I created my own online clans for others to join. I would roleplay as the leader of the clan and I found it enjoyable when new members would spring new ideas into our ongoing stories. It was exciting not being in control of every variable and having to adapt to the responses of others. I’ll always be grateful for that roleplay I made and learned so much from.

Now, I must be honest. Warriors by Erin Hunter has many different series or sagas to it as well as branch off novels and graphic novels. I could only make it so far in the series as, in my opinion, the series has gone down hill from the first two sagas. It’s a whole can of beans that I won’t bore you with. I may not be a fan of the series today, but it was that series that led to my roleplay characters and their conflicts that helped me want to grow and face everything with the heart of a warrior.

Daisies in the Grass

Daily writing prompt
Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life.
View all responses

In a far corner of a zoo along, a long gravel road riddled with potholes, you find yourself at a few African bomas. They’re just simple, round buildings lined with sticks, but they keep the animals safe when not on exhibit. There’s five buildings in total–though you wouldn’t think them as such. Each has their own yard–or yards–for the animals, but it’s hard to see with all the overgrowth.

It’s that time of year–again–when all the plants come back. Bushes grow through fences. Trees drop their branches. The grass grows taller than the animals and the whole place looks like a swampy jungle. There used to a be a tree here and there, but a storm took them out–do be careful, though. There’s poison ivy all around.

It’s a lot of work to maintain. Trust me. I try. Yet, daily tasks come first. You want to know why? It’s because the animals are most important. Chores come second or third (or fourth). There’s not a lot of time in the day, and I have to make the most of it. Of course.

As overwhelming as springtime yardwork is. You want to see what I’m most proud of? I didn’t plant them. I don’t know where they came from, but there’s daisies all along these things. There’s a bunch by that boma, and along that fence. Even down in the stork yard–it doesn’t make sense.

Such beautiful flowers, growing in all this mess. Don’t touch. That one’s surrounded by poison ivy. Wouldn’t you guess? They make me smile for more reasons than one. I try to take care of them. Make sure they’re getting sun. They’re a bit sentimental for me, you know. I had a dog named Daisy and they’re my mom’s favorite things to grow.

Yet, despite sentimentality, I love the lesson. Such beauty is growing in these hard rock formations. Even when the bad things start piling up. Tangling your fences and blocking your view. There’s still a reason to hope, something to pick you up. Beauty grows in the midst of a mess. You just gotta see it. Do your best.

No matter the day or the never-ending tasks. I hope you find your daisies, hiding in the grass.

I Want to be on the Dock

I want to be on the dock. Put my toes in the water.
I want to see ribbons of silver dance on the waves.
I want to lay back on the stone that’s been warmed by the sun.
I want to see the swallows dive through the buoys and hear the ducklings chase after their mother.
I want to look out at the moon and breathe in its light. Sit in the cool night, sunburnt and light.
I want to be on the dock every part of the day.
I want the sound of the waves to wash my cares away.
I want to look for treasures along the shore, and skip rocks from the boat ramp.
I want to look for turtles, sunning on a log.
I want to shout out “snake” when it come along.
I want to guess the birds and walk barefoot.
I want to breathe in the peace of being there at the lake.
Just a moment of ease to bring a smile to my face.

Suffocating

Take a deep breath
It’s suffocating
The weight of everyone’s
constant raving.

Pressure for this
No answer for that
Who needs communication?
Might as well guess out of a hat

Strive to be a part
Get the knowledge you seek
But those tasks bear a weight
I can’t keep up with this, you see

Discontent
Malcontent
And every evil under the sun

The light is squeezed
While whispers seeps
Just shoot me with the dart gun

I don’t have the answers
It’s out of my hands
I can only do what I can do

Ignorance is bliss
I’ll tell you this
I want to see the good in you

But words are strangling
Tempers hammer down
Its makes paradise hard to breathe

Discontent
Malcontent
This is where I wanted to be

Strive to play a part

Tasks bear weight

Malcontent

Constant raving

So incredibly suffocating

Road of Jobs

Daily writing prompt
What jobs have you had?
View all responses

If you looked back on your life and all the jobs you’ve done, what would you see? Is there a pattern? Do you even remember all the jobs you’ve a part of? Why were you seeking those jobs?

My first job was working two summers on a children’s farm, walking ponies for the pony rides. I did it because I wanted to start gaining animal work experience. Some days, it was rough. We’d be walking in ninety degree weather or on the nice days, we’d walk until our feet fell off. I took a pedometer once and nearly reached 40,000 steps.

My next job was at a Plant Pathology Lab. I needed a job to help me through college and I thought lab work might help the resume. What I didn’t put together is how plant diseases spread. They’re spread through vectors and in this research lab, they’re spread through bugs. I hate bugs. Thankfully, this research involved tiny bugs I couldn’t see the details of. Working with them was fine until I got them under a microscope to inject them with the pathogen. That freaked me out way more than it should’ve. The people at that lab were very nice and they wanted me to go with them when they moved the lab south. As much as I appreciated their kindness, plant pathology was not what I wanted to get into.

My next job was the dairy unit. I helped milk cows for ten hour shifts and sometimes those shifts lasted until one o’clock in the morning. I was there because I couldn’t get a job at the nearby horse ranch and the pay was the biggest paycheck I had yet to receive. Milking cows and working the farm was good experience. I learned to drive a skid-loader, I herded cows when they escaped their pens, and I helped birth a lot of calves. However, I will not go back to working a dairy farm. It was a lot of hard work and often the only reward was the pay.

Moving back home, I got a part-time job at my local library while I tried to find another animal related position. My job was to sort books back on the shelves. The people were nice, the events were fun, and sometimes sorting would be a nice mindless task, but other times, I couldn’t wait for the never ending pile of books to be done. I ended up getting an intern position at the zoo while I still worked the library one summer. I would spend eight hours working the zoo, then go straight to my library job after that. It was a long summer. I was going to quit the library the next summer when I was offered a seasonal keeper position at my zoo, but COVID hit and the keeper position was terminated. I spent COVID reading books and doing online library development to get paid during lockdown.

I quit the library when I got a job working at an animal shelter. I was one tasked with caring for the dogs in the shelter. If you’ve read any of my previous writings, you know it was a rough time for me. I finally got out a year and half later when I was offered the reopened seasonal position at the zoo. I’ve been at the zoo ever since and I don’t plan on leaving this field.

Looking at it, I haven’t had that many jobs in my life. I’m sure there are plenty other people who could tell stories about all the jobs they’ve been a part of. I’m not sure what all my jobs say about me. It’s quite the variety when you look at it. People are often surprised when I tell them I’ve never worked at a vet clinic. It’s not for lack of trying. I’ve applied to dozens of veterinary clinics in the past. Yet, I think it’s for the best. I like where I ended up and I often wonder if I pursued a veterinary position, then perhaps I would’ve found myself “stuck” in that field and I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I’m happy where I am today, and I’m grateful for the road it took to get me here.

Thank You

You know what’s wild? There are 100 people signed up to get notifications whenever I post a web post, and that doesn’t include all the email sign ups that aren’t affiliated with WordPress.

I got the notification of 100 followers the other day, and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who’s been reading my web posts each week. I’ve been keeping up on this blog for about three and a half years now. Three and a half years of writings written in joy, sorrow, fear, and anger. One of my goals for this website is to be real and I won’t lie, there are several web posts I get nervous about posting, but usually those are the ones that make the most impact.

So, thank you to all of my followers. Every time you hit that like button on one of my posts or comment how you relate, just know I see it and it makes me smile. I don’t always feel like a real writer, but when I see my website getting your guys’ support, I feel like I make a little bit of progress each day, and I am grateful.

Here’s to you and here’s to a bright future for all of us.

Thank you.

In a Story

I want to get immersed in a story
Be on a trail with adventure ahead
I want to join a hero in hardship
And hope to see victory at the end

I want to join companions on a quest
Learn their little quirks along the way
I want to know what skill everyone does best
And see how friendship seizes the day

I want to be knee deep in battle
Arrows flying past my head
A calvary man holding his saddle
Fighting beside all my countrymen

I want to go explore new places
Find a land or a creature unknown
Be part of a grand adventure
They’ll call us heroes when we come home

I want to face down a villain
With courage holding back my fear
I want them to have the strength of millions
So the overcoming is loud and clear

I want to get immersed in a story
Go with the characters on the page
Seize all the adventure and glory
Something to keep me engaged

Mothers Count

Happy almost mother’s day! Whether a new mom or an experienced mom, I hope you know you make a difference in this world. Mothers don’t get a lot credit sometimes. We all know that line of “you’re my mom, you don’t count,” or “you’re my mom, you have to like my painting/music/acting/insert any accomplishment here.” Some of us kids are likely guilty of saying or thinking those lines ourselves.

I think it’s time to cut those lines to pieces, because mothers are important. Please bear with me. I’ve only told this story to one person and you can bet it was my mom.

Back in middle school, I had a rough time. My parents were going through a divorce. Because of it, my brother and I moved out of a humble house on two acres. We had a creek in the back where my brother and I built our fort. We moved in with our mom in this small duplex. It was a nice place. I have good memories there, but I did miss our fort and the adventures we had around it.

So, parents going through a divorce, moved into a smaller house, and trying to survive middle school was a bit of a roller coaster ride. There were good days and there were bad days. I remember one bad day pretty vividly.

School emotionally pummeled me that day. I don’t remember what happened, but I remember feeling heavy on the bus ride home. I didn’t fight with my friends, but I did feel excluded from them. I think it was one of those days where it felt like the friend group forgot I existed. I definitely felt like they wouldn’t care if I suddenly disappeared. I got home. My brother got on the computer to play his favorite games and I went up to my room. My mom was at work.

I remember sitting on my bed with silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I was one of those kids who had several friends with divorced parents, but I didn’t actually believe it would ever happen to my parents. As heavy as I felt, dark thoughts intruded. I believed my friends didn’t care about me. My brother went straight for his video games, so I took that as a sign that he didn’t care about me. My dad was gone. I saw him occasionally. I knew things were complicated, but him leaving hurt harder that day. Dark thoughts told me the lies that he didn’t care about me either. No one in the world cared about me. That’s what I believed.

So…I thought about ending it.

There was a couple ways that went through my mind. Strangle myself in the bathroom. I’m sure I could find a bunch of pills in there, but slicing my wrist was too scary and messy. At this point, I was silently sobbing. I didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t think I had any hope. I couldn’t see how things could get better.

Before making up my mind, I prayed. I’m a Christian. Mom always made sure we went to church and attended our youth group. So, silently sobbing on my bed, I prayed to God that if he could just give me one person. One person in this hopeless world that cared about me, then I’d choose life.

Immediately, I heard “your mom.”

And, like I fool, I tried to argue. “Okay, but moms don’t really count.”

“You said one person.”

That I did, and you know what? My mom sacrificed a lot for me and my brother. Yeah, we lost our creek house, but we made fun memories at the duplex–scaring people on Halloween, trying a live Christmas tree for the first time, hanging out on the antique loveseat watching TV or making western photos with the family. She made sure my brother got to go to one high school for the special program there and me to a different high school for the Animal Science program there. We were low on money, but she let my brother and I get the CUTEST puppy at the mall. She endured jobs she didn’t like because she fought to provide for us and she did it on her own.

I started to wonder what would happen to my family if I went through with it. How my mom would feel. Where the blame would get pointed. It would make all my mom’s hard work to take care of me and my brother pointless. I didn’t want to put her through that.

I hung out on my bed and waited for my mom to get home. When I heard her, I went downstairs and gave her a hug and I helped her with dinner that night. I didn’t tell her until years later about how I thought about ending it, but that night I made a promise. I promised to never entertain suicidal thoughts again…

Because mothers count.

I love you, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.

Curse of Silence

Am I doomed to be forever silent?
Will my voice struggle to work
When my heart is heavy and hurt?

What binds my tongue?
I struggle to know
What causes timidness to grow?

Something feels wrong
I know it’s not right
Yet my lips are sealed like a vice

Why can’t I speak up?
What fear holds me back?
Am I doomed to always walk this track?

But how to find courage
In a space you can’t trust
How do you show you’re more than dust

When a moment occurs
You make a decision
And in the future it’s only regret that you’re given

You look back and wonder
Why you didn’t speak up?
Why didn’t you question the fear built up?

You try to lift your head
Say next time will be better
But you wonder if fear will keep you a debtor

Grit your teeth
Try to be stubborn
Don’t let the doubt come in

When the moment arises for you to make a choice
Lengthen the moment
Let your mind find it’s voice