On the Edge of Somewhere

Standing on the edge of somewhere

Looking out at the great unknown

Wondering what’s out there

This somewhere that I stand on

Is the place my journey led to

The path that guides me

It’s hidden where it leads to

This somewhere must be

Where I am supposed to be

Before the path starts a new

There is something I must do

Looking out to the great unknown

A mystery shrouded in clouds

Only one knows where I must go

With a voice opposite of loud

New adventures new journeys

New lessons to be learned

There’s something on the edge of somewhere

That I feel that my soul yearns

So, here on the edge of somewhere

Looking out at the great unknown

I know that what’s out there

Is a place I’m meant to go

I Remind Myself

I remind myself that I am brave even though I’m terrified.

I remind myself that I am strong even though I feel small.

I remind myself that I am fierce despite how I shake on the inside.

I remind myself that I make a difference even though I don’t see progress.

I remind myself that I am kind even though I feel selfish.

I remind myself that I am independent when I feel like I can do nothing.

I remind myself that I am loved even though I feel alone.

I remind myself that I am not forgotten even though I feel invisible.

I remind myself that there is a plan even though I can’t see it.

I am more than how I feel.

Not to Copy

Anyone can be an artist, they say.
Anyone can paint or draw.
It’s all about expressing yourself.
Creating something with your own hand.

It’s not about making a replica.
Taking a photo and creating the same thing.
But taking the inspiration from that photo to create it your way.

I remember in an art class I took.
We were supposed to do a self-portrait.
Everyone looked in the mirror and tried to copy what they saw.
But one guy drew himself as a cartoon instead.

I lost count of how many pictures or images or sights that inspired me.
I always tried to recreate them.
But they never looked quite right.
Take away the image they copy.
And the painting looks like it’s own creation.

We’re not meant to copy.
We’re meant to take something and add ourself to it.

Looking Back

Out of curiousness, I pulled a planner off the wall. People always ask “Where do you want to be in 10 years?” well, I looked back 10 years. What changed? What was I doing?

On September 24, 2015 I was still in college. It was a Thursday, so I had classes: Animal Science and Physics Lab (ew). My notes from that day were very vague. I went to the dining hall, went to class, went to a different dining hall, went to class. Guess I came back to the dorm to study at some point because I had an exam that night. I would consider it a good day since my old room mate who I was having issues with moved out and I got a new one who actually wanted to be friends.

I flipped through a couple pages of the planner to see how life was like back then. Honestly, I’m disappointed in myself for not keeping better record. There’s enough of what I did, but not enough of what I was thinking or feeling which is something I add to my planner these days.

Sidenote for something funny. I found a day I was supposed to be studying physics and I ended up crafting ghosts and mummies instead. I made them out of soda cans and cloth. I bet I still have them somewhere.

Ten years ago, I was studying to become a veterinarian. I wanted to work with exotics, your typical zoo species. Ten years ago, I tried volunteering at my college town’s local zoo, but it never worked out. Ten years ago, I remember keeping my head down in college, just trying to get through it, and life exploded when my roommates changed. Suddenly, there were more people in the dorm, and I was a part of the activities.

I remember praying for something to change. Life with my old roommate…well, it sucked. She would bring boys back to the room and they’d snore like lumberjacks (we were in an all girls dorm btw). She’d come back late at night when I had early class. We never interacted. I would walk to the zoo every weekend just to stay out of the dorm. When I confronted my roommate about her bringing boys back and late nights, she told me to deal with it. I was hating my college experience because of it, and my prayers became more desperate. Days later, she told me she was swapping rooms. I was nervous about a new roommate, but I convinced myself she had to be better than my old one and I was right.

Looking back, I’m glad that change happened. I wasn’t so lonely in college anymore and it led to friendships that lasted even after graduation. I wish those girls well. I hope they’re chasing their dreams, and I hope they’re still as crazy as they were back then.

Looking back, I’m grateful.

The Horizon

The tides are turning
The captain jumped ship
There’s fog on the horizon
And the deck is quite slick

A crewmate holds the rail
Trying to hold in their supper
Someone’s on the crow’s nest
Someone’s cleaning out the scupper

The sails are set
But the compass just spins
No one knows which direction to begin

The tides lurch the ship
Quaking creaks in its haul
You stare down at the water
But it’s nothing but dark below

The first mate’s at the helm
Turning this way and that
Trying to ride the tides
And hold the kraken back

The captain jumped ship
The seas are wide open
You think you’ll finally find your grip
But there’s fog on the horizon

Writer’s Worst Outage

You’re in the thick of it. Writing on your laptop with the scenes dancing around in your head. While midnight creeps upon you, you write the perfect description of a ghost that can control plants. It lives in an eerie forest, mist swirling around. No sunlight shines…ever. The characters are in a distrustful village. They’re not allowed to leave. They’re blamed for a tragedy of history. Envy turned to bloodshed. They have to work else their souls will be taken. An angry village almost takes a knife to a girl’s eyes, he stops, but the girls screams inside. You’re nearing the end of the scene. You’re quite proud of your work, then…

Black.

Your bedroom goes completely dark. You freeze up. Just you and the glow of your laptop–thank God it has a working battery. Your scene is safe, but what happened? Two beeps come from the other room. Your game systems, you realize, turning on after being “pulled” from the power source. A knot tightens in your stomach. The power had gone out. You can’t recall it ever doing this before. So, why? The question allow fears to creep up on you like a silent stalker. Your eyes glance fleetingly to the scene on the page. Ghosts? Thank goodness you don’t have any plants. What about a hidden society come to kidnap you?

When you finally look away from your laptop, you notice it’s darker than usual. All the neighbor’s blinding lights from outside you’ve become used to are black. You twist around for your phone on the nightstand, fingers sliding to find the flashlight. Good. The battery is at seventy. It was smart of you to plug it in. You message family first and hope you’re not alone in the dark.

Where’s your cat? Is the front door locked? It’s not October, but you’ve been in Halloween mode since September started. Was someone going to break in? Was this an elaborate plot by burglars like you’ve seen in the movies? But, you’re not sure what they would steal from you. You’re a writer, after all. Maybe there’s a ghost in the dark of the kitchen? Your home is actually haunted and you’re just now finding out about it?

Or maybe your imagination is just running wild because you’re still in writer mode?

Just to make you feel better, you grab the dagger hidden by your bed. You’d never pull the blade to stab somebody, but the stab of the sheath itself could cause damage. It’s time for bed, you determine. Time to turn writer brain off. With your flashlight and your weapon, you venture to the dark of the front room. It’s quiet, and so dark. No lights from the TV. No light from the stairwell outside. No time of day by the microwave past the counter or the stove in the kitchen. You let your flashlight scan every inch of the rooms. Funny how you were just in here not twenty minutes ago, but suddenly the power goes out and you’re scared to enter. Your light finds the front door. Good. It’s locked. Grabbing a treat to get your kitty to follow you, you lock yourselves up in the bedroom.

An email alerts on your phone. “New Outage.” You can’t help but think of a sarcastic reply. Another message pings. It’s your family, confirming that the whole block was out. Your mind tickles the idea that maybe some crime syndicate was planning a string of burglaries this night, but you remind yourself that your neighborhood isn’t worth stealing from.

With a long breath, you put the dagger away. What a time, you determine. What were the odds that the power would go out while you were writing a scary scene? You tell yourself that you wouldn’t have been so afraid if your mind hadn’t already been focused on writing fear. One last look at the locked bedroom door, and you scroll on your phone for a few minutes just to distract your mind.

“It’s bedtime,” you tell yourself. The power should be back on in the morning. One goodnight kiss to your kitty and you tuck under the covers and wait for dawn.

Fine is…

Daily writing prompt
If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?
View all responses

There’s an automatic word that comes to mind when I think of this question. One that’s easy to slip on the lips. A lie that often doesn’t get taken back.

If I gave up a word, it would be “fine.” Not in the sense of fine dining, but in the sense that “everything’s fine.”

Fine is a lie. We say fine when we don’t want to admit our true feelings. When we don’t want to be a bother or burden, or we say it when we don’t trust the person we’re talking to. How are you today? And, often the automatic response is “fine.”

Fine is surrender. When someone isn’t listening, we give up an argument or discussion by saying “fine.” We don’t get our way and we walk away. The conversation ends on a sour note, but everything’s fine.

Fine is lazy. A single word response. Doesn’t prompt anything beyond four letters.

If I were to give up a word. It would be fine.

The Role of a Character

If you haven’t seen the new live action Lilo and Stitch movie, you might not want to read this.

Stories have characters. It’s hard to have a story without them. The job of a writer, movie producer, game developer, etc. is to weave a story where every character has a purpose. If they don’t, then they just take up space. Crafty writers are able to make the most unsuspecting characters as the most important. Regardless, every character has a role. Take away that character, and you change the story.

Before I watched it, I had heard that the new Lilo and Stitch movie removed a character: Captain Gantu. In the original movie, he becomes the main antagonist trying to take Stitch away from his found family. He’s there at the beginning and he shows up at the end. His goal is to keep his job and his pride as a captain in the Galactic Federation (as well as purge abominations from existence). Now, I understand why they took him out. They wanted to shift the focus of the movie more on Lilo’s and Nani’s relationship, and Gantu is a more “outside” character. He’s not related to anyone in the film. He’s just a guy with an attitude trying to do his job only for this cute and fluffy, blue abomination to ruin it all for him. So, I get cutting him from the film.

However, in removing a character, stories shift. Gantu’s role is now empty. So, who fills it? Who will be the driving force that pushes Lilo’s and Stitch’s found family together?

They chose Jumba, the mad genius who created Stitch. I’ll admit, I was upset when I discovered this. I am a HUGE fan of the found family trope and I felt like Jumba was robbed of that. In the original movie, Jumba becomes Stitche’s ally. He flies the spaceship to help save Lilo and he becomes a part of Lilo’s family at the end. His story has the taste of a redemption arc to it and that’s why I always liked him.

Yet, for Jumba to become the villain in the new movie also makes sense. He’s the obvious choice. He has a big connection to Stitch as his creator. He has a shady background as mad scientist. In the original movie, he even gives villain vibes as we see him in jail and he often talks about destruction. He still talks of changing Stitch, but has a change of heart instead after getting the chance to observe Stitch with his new family. For Jumba to go full villain in the new movie hits harder. It would hurt anyone to learn that their creator wanted to turn them into something else. You don’t see Jumba trying to understand Stitch, he only tries to capture him. So, Jumba’s desire to change Stitch even after everything they went through makes Stitch’s acceptance by Lilo and Nani and the others all the more strengthened.

I’m not thrilled about the change in the movie. I love seeing gray characters like Jumba become good. I don’t like it when a story is messed with by characters being added or subtracted. Yet, for the new Lilo and Stitch, I understand why they did it. Writers are charged with questioning the boundaries of the story, after all.

2nd Place

Growing up, my family and I would play a lot of games. Board games and card games, but mostly video games. More often than not, I found myself in 2nd place. Second player, second one across the finish line. Second highest score. Second to last one standing in the brawl.

It got to the point where I came to hate second place.

No one likes to be second. Some would say second place is the first loser. It can get frustrating being so close to top of the podium. Frustrating enough that my family and I stopped playing games.

Fast forward to last weekend. My family and I got the chance to try out the new Mario Kart World game. I had my doubts at first. I know how competitive we are. I know how frustrated I used to get being second all the time, but I thought it was worth a shot. All of us playing a brand new game for the first time together. We all know the basic controls because we used to play Mario Kart in the past, but none of us knew what to expect from the items, the tracks, and everything else new that they put into the game. So, no one would have an advantage.

We had a lot of fun. We laughed a lot, and I recall that the main frustrations were only when the computer players would beat us senseless with their rapid firing of items. A brand new game meant a lot had to be unlocked. We ended up working together to do it. Yes. We still fought over 1st place, but in racing the Grand Prix, we made sure one of us always got the gold.

By the end of it, I realized I missed it. I actually missed being second place. In truth, I always lost to my brother and that’s what always made it frustrating. After this weekend, it was just another reminder how we make a really good team. He’s got the skills to get ahead of the pack, but staying in second, I’m able to keep the computer players off his tail. It helped ensure the gold in every cup.

So, I guess, second place really isn’t that bad.