Good Enough

I think each and every one of us can recall a point in time where we thought we weren’t good enough. Not good enough to win the game, score that job, defend a cause, write a novel, or any dream out there. We’ve probably all said it or thought it at least once in our life: “I want to do this, but I’m not good enough.”

Honestly, I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately. I have an awesome new job: I’m a zookeeper who takes cares of hippos. I absolutely love it, but I’m afraid of messing up. I’m afraid of proving that I’m not good enough to take care of our animals and keep the location secure. I try my best each day, but I end up putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself. I’m still in the training phases–only been here a couple months–and I tell myself I should be better. Each day I go home, I think about the tiniest mistakes I made and I end up convincing myself that maybe I’m not good enough for this job? What if I make a terrible mistake? What must my coworkers think that I made a small slip up? That I’m not perfect? It’s terribly depressing.

But, you know what? I had a great conversation with a friend the other day, and when I mean “friend,” I actually mean a character from my novel. You see, I’m working on my latest draft. My main character goes through a trial where he really needs encouragement for. Low and behold, my main character’s internal struggle is one I face constantly: fearing he’s not good enough. This has been a section of the novel that I have been struggling with, because how do you encourage someone who doesn’t feel qualified? It’s all about opening their eyes to their potential and prowess, and some eyes are glued shut (I’m guilty as charged). You can say all the right things and they’ll still choose to believe the lies of their doubt. Sometimes, a character needs to achieve something to see their worth. They’ll stop some catastrophe or finish a quest, but what about a life or death situation where you only have a couple hours to give up or act?

When I write dialogue, I like to have conversations with my characters. I’ll stand in each of their shoes and see the conversation from their point of view. One is hopelessly fearing he isn’t good enough and the other wants to encourage him. So, when my hopeless hero finally admits his fears, how does the other respond? Usually, I have to really think about a response, but this one just came straight to my head and I, honestly, think it’s pretty good advice. When my main character says: “I’m supposed to be this, but…I’m not good enough.” This was the response he got:

“You know, there’s a funny thing about being good enough. If everyone was good enough to handle everything thrown at them, we wouldn’t need each other.”

That’s true, isn’t it? I mean, if I were good enough to handle everything with the hippos by myself, I wouldn’t need my coworkers. You can sit around worrying about being good enough, or you can trust in what you can do and trust in your friends, and you’ll see how far you can really go. A writer can’t publish a book without editors and allies in the industry. A sports player can’t win the game without his team. You shouldn’t strive to be good enough alone, but to grow with the help of others.

Now, I’m sure there’s many different interpretations to what my character said, but I believe the main message comes across nicely. To those of you who are struggling with self-doubt like me: don’t worry about being good enough. Just keep doing your best.

Cairo’s Song

Low, Cairo. Low, Cairo.
You’re doing just fine.
Slow, Cairo. Slow, Cairo.
Just take your time.

Look up and around.
Just see where you are.
There’s no need to frown.
All dangers are far.

So, breathe, Cairo. Breathe, Cairo.
You’re doing your best.
Ease, Cairo. Ease, Cairo.
You’ll find your breath.

I know that you’re scared.
You think something’s wrong.
Whatever fright that you fared.
You’ve been safe all along.

Still, Cairo. Still, Cairo.
Take a moment to rest
Smile, Cairo. Smile, Cairo.
You found your breath.

50 Thank Yous to you!!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to shout out to all the people who’ve subscribed to received notifications from my website. I’ve reached 50 subscribers this week and though that may not seem like a lot, it’s a lot to me! It’s an honor to know that there’s 50 people out there who appreciate my writings whether its poems, stories, animals facts, or random thoughts. You make this writer’s day every time you comment, like, and share my work. So, THANK YOU very much! I’m gonna keep up the good content for you all. I just wanted to say thank you to you each and every one of you!

Useless

To Nuray’s disappointment, the broken bow of the ship didn’t have any more secret surprises. “Perhaps Mini is having better luck,” she muttered to herself. She felt her pack for the three canisters of spoils they discovered below deck. It was too bad that compass wasn’t with them.

Nuray swiveled her head to the water at the broken half of the ship. Mini, the gerbil, was under that dark surface exploring the captain quarters of the broken ship under the waves. Norman, the hedgehog, was holding the other end of Mini’s rope, ready to pull him up in case of danger. A compass that led to your heart’s desire was somewhere in this wreckage. Nuray and her friends needed it to locate an object that could save their home from fire demons, but they were running out of time. “I’ve got to keep looking.” Nuray ruffled her feathers and looked back around her half of the ship. The canisters had been in an invisible crate they happened upon. Maybe there was more?

Suddenly, the ship jerked and a mighty roar filled the air. Nuray shuffled her feet to keep her balance then whipped around. Horror filled her eyes as rising scales blocked the way out. A high pitched scream cut through the air like a rapier. No! Nuray’s heart pounded like a wild drum. Those scales. They belonged to the sea leviathan they escaped when first coming to this island. Now, it somehow found them in this cove?! Nuray feared for Mini. The gerbil had been under the water, but the high pitched scream told her he was now caught in the leviathan’s mouth.

Another blast. Through the cracks in the ship’s hull a burst of black and violet energy surged. Nuray recognized it as Norman’s retaliation spell. The sea monster must have attacked him. I have to help! Nuray spread her wings and flew out of the ship. The sea monster was towering over them in the water and Mini was holding onto its teeth for dear life. The monster’s tail was recoiling from Norman making Nuray suspect that Norman’s spell did some damage. This thing is too strong for us. Nuray flew to the deck of the broken ship. The best thing they could do was get Mini and get out of this cove. We can try to find that compass again when the monster leaves. Spreading her wings, Nuray fired her own spell at the leviathan. A hypnotic light appeared in front of the monster’s face and Nuray’s dismay greatened when the beast simply shook its head and disrupted her spell. It let out a mighty roar and tossed its head back. Mini was thrown into the air and his high-pitched scream cut off when the beast swallowed him whole.

“No!” Nuray screamed.

“That stupid mouse!” Norman spat curses on the shore of the cove. “He always has to make this harder!” Black magic crackled around Norman’s hand and when he raised it, a skeleton summoned from the sands beside him. With his other hand Norman fired a couple magic bolts at the leviathan. All hit.

We can still do this, Nuray spurred her courage seeing Norman still fighting. The old hedgehog had more gusto than she ever gave him credit for. Yet, when she faced back to the leviathan, she screamed when the monster’s tail came swinging down upon her. Nuray was smashed into the deck of the broken ship. Many of her feathers went flying and crushing pain coursed through her bones. She was tempted to stay down when the monster’s tail receded back into the waters. What could she do to fight this beast? Sure, she had her sword and a few spells, but she was more attuned to her instruments and music than the warriorhood of her family. I have to keep fighting for Mini. Nuray rose to an achy stand then lifted back into the air. One of her spells had to help stop this monster.

The leviathan suddenly lurched. A choking sound gagged from its throat. Panic split through Nuray once more as the sea monster opened its mouth in her direction. She was certain she would share Mini’s fate, but gurgling bile rose to the back of the leviathan’s throat and it threw up the contents of its stomach on to the deck of the tattered ship. Nuray managed to dodge most of the bile, but her quick eye spotted Mini in the midst of it. She snatched the gerbil by the hand with her talon. “You’re alive!”

“That’s what you get for eating me, you overgrown worm!” Mini naturally held onto Nuray, but he pointed at the leviathan with his sword. “Try it again! I dare you!”

Nuray found a moment of lighthearted relief at Mini’s antics. The gerbil must have stabbed the creature from the inside. That damage must be catastrophic! We might be able to beat this, Nuray thought with hope. She furrowed her brow with determination and looked straight back at the leviathan. Spreading her wings again, she created several shining orbs of magic and fired them at the sea monster. The leviathan dodged all of them.

With Norman and his skeleton still firing magic bolts from the shore, the leviathan turned its attention to them.

“Hey, Nuray, let me go!” Mini jostled from his dangling place. “Let me go. I need to get back into the fight!”

Nuray shook her head. They were still hovering over the broken ship. With all the damaged it sustained from the leviathan, she didn’t think it would hold Mini’s weight. “I’ll fly us down to Norman.”

“No, I got a crossbow. I can shoot the beast from the boat. Let me go!”

“Mini, it isn’t going to hold your weight!”

“It’ll be fine!”

Nuray rolled her eyes and reluctantly let go of the gerbil. In his descent, Mini swapped his sword for his crossbow. The little gerbil had always been so nimble and acrobatic, it impressed Nuray. He probably had every intent of landing in a cool pose and firing a bolt at the same time, but the deck of the ship shattered at his touch and Mini fell straight through. “Told you,” Nuray snorted. With Mini no longer dangling from her, Nuray had more freedom in her actions. My spells aren’t working. Nuray focused on the leviathan and drew her Wind blessed sword. So I’ll take the fight straight to the beast! None of her actions had helped her friends. She had to let them know they could rely on her. “For the honor of the Wind!” Nuray charged.

Metal rang through the cove. Nuray landed a direct hit on the bridge of the monster’s nose; yet, her sword could not penetrate the monster’s scales. Disbelief gasped through Nuray’s body. She couldn’t hurt this thing! But at least it won’t hurt my friends, Nuray steeled herself. She was right in the monster’s face. It had to attack her over her friends.

Nuray braced herself when the leviathan roared once again. It lunged and Nuray was smacked away by its scales as it continued going after Norman. A black and violet sphere appeared around the hedgehog. When the leviathan bit down on it, dark sparks erupted on impact and thundered around the cove like a bursting volcano. The sea monster’s roars split into ear-shattering shrieks. The scales on its face and the flesh of its eyes burned with black magic. Even the beast’s throat seared with the might of Norman’s power. The leviathan fell back into the water, the spray of its fall dowsed over Nuray’s feathers and burdened her flight. Moments later, the water stilled. The sea monster was dead.

“Haha!” Mini came bounding out of the broken ship just as Nuray landed heavily on the shore. “Well done, Norman! That was amazing! Look at us! Kracken slayers! I gotta get a tooth from that thing!”

Norman grunted and eased himself into the sand. To Nuray, he looked three times his old age. “Ye got the compass, aye?”

“I got this before the leviathan attack.” Mini pulled a box from his pouch. He must have found it in the underwater part of the ship. Mini opened the box, but Nuray didn’t bother to move closer to see its contains. The looks of their faces told her the compass was inside.

“Good…good…” Norman bobbed his head. With a lazy wave of his hand he dispelled his skeleton. “I…I need to…rest…”

“That was awesome!” Mini bounced over to the wake of the water. He stared at the body of the leviathan and threw his fists in the air. “We’re sea monster slayers! We gotta collect proof so people believe us. No one will mess with us then! We’ll be legends! Nuray! You gotta write a song about this!”

As much as she wanted to, Nuray couldn’t share Mini’s excitement. She was sure she could come up with a song bards far and wide could sing about this victory, but it would just be a song about Mini and Norman. What had she done? Her spells had failed. Her sword couldn’t penetrate the monster’s scales. Norman had his awesome magics and there was no telling how much Mini pierced its insides. What do I even contribute to this team? Nuray sat down in the sand and watched as Mini swam out toward the dead sea monster. When he got to the monster, he pulled out the banner with his sigil on it and stabbed it into the burnt parts of the creature’s face. It was thanks to Norman’s efforts that they made it to this island. Mini had uncovered the sinister plot in the magic academy three weeks ago and his skills as a sleuth got them all the information they needed. They were supposed to be working together to save their land from the fire demons, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized she hadn’t done much to help them progress. She was just a tagalong.

I have to prove myself. Nuray looked down at her sword. The revered god of the wind blessed this sword for her. She had to prove she was worthy enough for it. They had the compass now. They could locate the object to kill the leader of the fire demons. I’ll play a bigger part, Nuray promised herself. When it comes to face the fire demons, I won’t be useless.

Hippo Chat

If you don’t know by now, I work at my local zoo with a variety of different species. One of which is the hippopotamus. One of our tasks as keepers is to give chats about our animals. Basically, you stand in front of your exhibit for about ten minutes talking about your animals. We give hippo chats and it’s something I’m getting trained on. Public speaking has never been my strong suit, and doing it while being watched by a senior member of our team makes it harder for me. So, since writing has always helped me, I figured I’d write up what I’d say at a chat. Some of it might be similar to my previous post about hippos, but you might learn something new.

Good morning, everyone! My name is Nikki and if you’ll give me a few minutes, I’m going to talk about our hippos here at the zoo. We have two, female hippos. They are not related, but they are good friends. The largest of our hippos is 35 years old and our smaller hippo is only 6 years old. Hippos have a life expectancy of about 37 years out in the wild, but in captivity they can get into their fifties all because of the better care that they receive. They have access to medical care and their food is always provided.

Hippos are herbivores which means they only eat plant material. Out in the wild, they’ll browse grasses at night, but here at the zoo, we feed them hay, alfalfa, and a high fiber grain mix. We use fruits and vegetables as treats during chat time and training. Now, when it comes to our hippos, we are always in protected contact with them. We never enter their space and they never enter our space. We can touch them and feed them, but we’ll always have bars between us. Hippos are considered the most dangerous mammal in Africa. They are extremely territorial especially over their water source. If a person or animal comes too close, a hippo will open their mouth and display their incisors and canines as a warning. Hippos can open their mouths about 150 degrees. If a person or animal still comes closer, hippos will thrash their head back and forth to appear big and scary, and if that still doesn’t work, they’ll charge. Hippos can run up to 30 miles per hour on land for short bursts.

As I mentioned, hippos graze at night which means they’re mostly nocturnal and that’s because their skin doesn’t do the greatest in the hot, African sun. Hippos will spend about 16 hours a day sleeping in water. If they do come out on land during the day, they have a unique secretion called “blood sweat” that helps keep their skin from drying out, provides bug repellant, and antibiotics to heal wounds. Blood sweat isn’t blood, it’s just red in color.

Hippos can spend so much time in the water because they’re highly adapted to it. Their ears, eyes, and nose are all on the tops of their heads, so when they surface, they can hear, see, and scent all around them. Hippos don’t actually swim. They’re denser than water, so they sink to the bottom of the riverbeds where they live. They can hold their breath for about 5 minutes and when it comes time to breathe, they just push off the bottom of the riverbed to surface. Hippos can sleep underwater, their bodies naturally rise up to breath without them having to wake up for it.

I mentioned that hippos live in rivers. They can be found along the rivers and lakes in Africa. Their name: hippopotamus is actually Greek for “river horse.” Hippos got this comparison for how they walk along the bottoms of rivers, people thought they looked like horses trotting. Hippos living in the rivers of Africa is actually a good thing for the land. Their feces can float down stream and fertilize the land. They provide food for other species. Certain fish will eat algae and other built up off a hippo’s skin, providing hyenine for a good meal. There are bird species who eat the build up in a hippo’s mouth, providing good oral hygiene.

Hippos, themselves, don’t have any natural predators. Lions and crocodiles will go after baby hippos, but steer clear of adult hippos. Adult hippos are capable of crushing a crocodile in half with the force of their jaws. When it comes to social behaviors, hippos live in pods or bloats that are typically led by a dominate male. There can be up to thirty hippos in a pod. Younger hippos are kept in the center for their protection.

When it comes to endangerment status, hippos are not considered endangered, but their population sizes are being watched. I mentioned hippos graze at night. Well, sometimes, when they travel to graze, they end up in a farmer’s field. They can also find conflict with humans in the rivers themselves when boats try to pass through. Hippos are strong enough to capsize boats and can easily be mistaken as logs or stones in the water. Like most species, hippos are at risk of habitat loss with farmers encroaching on their grazing grounds and boats encroaching on their rivers. Ways to help hippos is to support your local zoo, part of your ticket purchase is going toward animal conservation. Other ways to help are to reduce, reuse, and recycle. Landfills take up a lot of space and the less we have in them, the fewer habitats they encroach on. Climate change can also effect the rainy seasons in African. A shorter rainy season leads to fewer grasses grown and can make it harder for a hippo to provide food. The rainy season is also their mating season and a shorter season will lead to less hippos being born in the wild.

Another way to help all sorts of animals around the world is through AmazonSmile. We all know of Amazon.com, the largest online shopping site that I know of. Well, smile.amazon.com is the exact same thing except part of the proceeds from your Amazon purchases goes to your charitable organization of choice. You could set your organization to the Cheetah Conservation Fund, Pandas International, Red Panda Network, tiger sanctuaries, Polar Bears International, elephant sanctuaries. You basically type in your favorite animal and you’ll find an organization dedicated to helping that animal. Then every purchase you make on Amazon will give a little bit of money to those organizations. So, be sure to double check your app and make sure you’re using AmazonSmile instead of just Amazon.com.

Okay. Does anyone have any questions about the hippos?

What’s Your Focus?

I would like to share a curious thought that I’ve been carrying for a while. It comes from last week. I had the opportunity to spend a couple days with my extended family at the lake. We had a lot of fun. Did a lot of swimming, played a lot of games, I got to water ski, and my uncle graciously paid for me to do a fun, fancy, monkey, jungle gym. Like I said: a lot of fun. But there’s one instance from my trip that I can’t stop thinking about and I’m going to do my best to explain why.

One of the days we were driving from my aunt’s and uncle’s place to my grandparents’ condo, we ended up passing several police cars on the side of the road. I believe there were three, because my uncle made a comment about their number. However, if he hadn’t made that comment, I wouldn’t have realized the police cars were there at all. I was staring right out the window where the police cars were, but I didn’t see them. Why? Because something else stole my focus.

Beyond the police cars, in this giant puddle, was a beautiful bald eagle. I rarely see bald eagles in the wild and they’re very important to my family. My late grandfather was a big fan of bald eagles, so whenever anyone from the family sees one, there’s always the comment of “Ope! Grandpa’s here with us!” I love bald eagles too. Birds of prey have always been majestic and graceful in my eyes. So, when I spotted that bald eagle behind the police cars that day, I couldn’t quite believe it. I kept staring at it like: “is that really a bald eagle? Is my mind playing tricks and its actually a turkey vulture?” Yet, the white head was as clear as day. The bald eagle just stood in that giant puddle with posture strong and head held high. I couldn’t tell you why it was there. Maybe it was bathing in that puddle, but by the time I thought to point it out to my family, we had already driven past. If I made a comment now, they could choose not to believe me or ask “well, why didn’t you point it out sooner?”

That got me wondering as to why they didn’t they see it? There was about seven of us in the car. If any member of my family saw it, they would’ve pointed it out (they’re far more versed with their voices than I am). I assume that after my uncle made the comment about the police cars, then they would’ve all turned their heads that direction. Though, I suppose their focus would’ve been on the police cars and why they were there. That could mean they were looking around for any wrecks or pulled over cars. So, they could’ve looked past them to see the eagle, but still no one called the eagle out. They could’ve not spoken up about the eagle–which seems very unlikely to me, but is possible. Or, none of them actually saw it.

I guess it all comes down to focus. What were we all focusing on in that moment? It was roughly a thirty minute drive. I don’t remember conversation at that point. I was staring out the window the entire time. I love to look at the scenery. The landscape is beautiful down at the lake. I love picking out the details of nature. That’s probably why I didn’t see the three police cars as we passed them. I was filtering out everything manmade. My family, on the other hand, is more curious about the manmade stuff than I am. They’re more likely to discuss what’s gonna go up in that empty lot, or that diner being shut down, and wonder how they’re going to reconstruct the roads this time, etc. etc. And like any honest person, they want to know what’s going on with flashing lights and they want to see how bad the wreck is when they drive by. Again, I have no idea why those three police cars were on the side of the road. My family could probably tell you, but as you know, I was quite oblivious to them. All I saw was that bald eagle.

That’s another curious thought to me and I think it can be applied in so many situations. Sirens and flashing lights usually indicate something bad has happened. They’re loud and they’re meant to grab your attention. You’re supposed to get out of their way when they come around, but for naturally curious human beings, they lead you to what went wrong. It could be something as simple as a speeder getting pulled over, or it could be something awful like a housefire or a pileup on the highway. Bottom line: flashing lights on a police car generally indicate something negative. In my experience, negativity has a rippling effect. You see a bad wreck on the side of the highway and that could stick with you. You could do the right thing and say a prayer for those involved, or you could find yourself condemning them by saying “they were probably speeding” like they somehow deserved it.

It’s hard to see beyond the bad when you’re so used to it. If you drive the highway a lot, you’re going to see a lot of wrecks. Even the News these days has a lot of terrible things in it: a murder, a burglary, a spreading disease, a bunch of government whatnot. It’s a lot of noise and flashing lights to steal your focus and dampen your day. It can make you feel like nothing good ever comes out of anything. Yet, if you dare to look beyond the noise and the lights, you just might see a bald eagle.

They say every cloud has a silver-lining. There’s hope at the bottom of Pandora’s box. Well, tragedies happen everyday, but I believe it’s possible to soar on wings like eagles right over them. You just have to take a good look around and ask yourself: What’s your focus?

Writer’s Getaway

Step out on a smooth deck, warmed by the sun
Breath in the fresh, lake air
The water glistens in the soft morning light
And a breeze teases the trees on the shore
Not a motion in sight in this peaceful lake life
The world wakes up slowly
You sit in your chair with coffee in hand
and smile at a tranquil land
The lapping of water and morning songbirds
Greet the rising sun
Lean back in your chair and prop up your feet
Have a notebook there in your lap
Within the peace, you welcome your dreams
Of story to put on the page
Away from bustle of city street life
Away from pressure and schemes
Take stories by the hand and write them again
On the deck of a lake in quiet and peace

On the Bookshelf

Here’s a question for you. What’s on your bookshelf? I mean, besides the books? If you just have books, what kind are they? Or maybe you don’t even have books on your bookshelf? What do you think what’s on your bookshelf says about you?

I have a tall and a short bookshelf in my room. The tall one holds all my books plus other things: there are dragons on the very top, my skull collection the next shelf down, then continues with old family antiques, my favorite childhood toys, and angel statues. All in all, I’ve got quite the hodgepodge of items on my bookshelf. It makes me think of that quote by Einstein that goes along the lines of “a cluttered desk is a cluttered mind.” Well, if a cluttered desk is a cluttered mind then what’s a cluttered bookshelf? Is it another peek into the mind, a window into the personality, or just some shelves holding antiques and text?

My second bookshelf contains some of my favorite movies, cases for my video games, and most of my notebooks. So, perhaps my bookshelves show a window into my personality or interests. Makes me wonder about people who have more than one bookshelf in their room/house. All the readers out there who have shelves and shelves of books they’ve read and books they want to read. Now that is a mind hungry for more.

So, what are your thoughts? Are bookshelves just bookshelves or do you think there’s more meaning behind them? Feel free to comment your ponderings here or on my Facebook and Twitter pages. What’s the world think about what’s on our bookshelves?

Water

Life’s description, liquid running cold water,
A wet field of play to splash away the day,
Cold running water

A source of energy a source of refreshment,
All life appreciates,
Cold running water

It crashes, it screams, racing to sea
In its depths brings the crushing darkness
Cold running water

To quench, to extinguish,
To destroy and drown
Cold running water.

This poem was created for a Creative Writing assignment called Mix Up Ghazal. I wish I could tell you the stipulations for it, but it was written November 2013, so I don’t remember.

“I Can’t Believe I Did That”

Have you ever made a simple mistake that you just can’t shake? One of those: “wow, I can’t believe I did that,” moments that takes residence in the back of your mind and won’t let you forget it? More likely than not, we’ve all been there.

I work at a zoo and lately, I’ve been focusing on getting our individual chimpanzee identifications down. It’s going beyond the “well, that’s a chimpanzee” to “that one is Dave, there’s Millie, and the one over there is Monster.” Chimp IDs is being able to tell the chimps apart based on their individual traits: big ears, longer face, saggy swelling, grayer beard, scar on lip, etc. etc. etc. For two days, one of my mentors at the zoo had me ID the chimps several times (at least five) and I got them right every single time. Skip to the morning of the third day where our team lead has me ID the chimps and I manage to screw up on the very first chimp. I mistook this chimp for two others before I IDed her correctly. I know where I made my mistake. I was trying to do a quick ID without a clear head, so I just looked at just her face instead of her entire body. I can’t say if it was overconfidence that messed me up, the fact that it was early and I was tired, or the pressure of getting it right in front of the team lead, but after that mistake, I was doubting myself with all the other IDs and it showed.

I couldn’t stop kicking myself for over half the day. I messed up on one chimp. Just one and it wasn’t even the most difficult chimp to identify! I know these chimps. I know I know these chimps, but I jumped the gun on my identification. So, now it’s gonna take longer to prove I can do this.

Doesn’t it suck how a little mistake like that can dampen your day? It doesn’t have to be something like misidentifying chimps. It could be that you forgot something at home that you meant to bring to a party. It could be a question you missed on an exam or maybe you put something in the wrong place? Just a simple mistake that makes you think: “I should’ve known better. I should’ve done better.”

Mistakes like that will try to cling to you like burrs. If you get stuck on them for too long, they’ll start reminding you of other mistakes and other thoughts to further bring you down: “Ugh, I messed up on this one chimp just like I messed up on that one lock in 2019. Or that one question on my anatomy exam. Why can’t I ever get a 100%? Why do I always mess up when it counts? What am I gonna mess up on next?” Thoughts like that can be a rampaging stampede if you don’t wrangle them in at the gate.

Makes you wonder why it’s so hard to move on from simple mistakes. I’ve been told human beings strive for perfect, but can’t ever achieve it. With that in mind, it must take a special kind of discipline–or confidence–to just shrug and say: “yeah, I missed a chimp, but I know why. I’ll do better next time.” Some people have a more defined discipline for that kind of thing. I struggled with making my mistake for half a day while my coworker shrugged off hers in two seconds.

Regardless, we’ve all made mistakes. I’m certainly going to do better with my chimp IDs and not rush the answer until I’m confident in who I’m seeing. It’s easy to beat yourself up over your mistakes and start second guessing your actions, but that’s no way to live. You’re going to make mistakes every single day whether you realize it or not. Instead of going insane by trying to carry every mistake with you, take a deep breath, acknowledge it, admit to it, figure out what you did wrong and how to do better, then move on. You learn more with every mistake than you would if you got everything right all the time.

I hope you keep all this in mind the next time you find yourself saying: “I can’t believe I did that.”