Self Review

I can’t believe it’s already that time of year again where I have to evaluate my performance at work. Do you have to do that at your work? Maybe you have to do an evaluation for a class? A project? Maybe you don’t have to worry about these evaluations anymore (lucky you).

I gripe and groan about evaluations because I’m terrible at them. I think they’re worse than interviews. I’ve gained experience doing plenty of interviews, they’re not so frightening anymore. And, if you screw up in an interview, you never have to see the other person again. In a performance review, you see the people reviewing you every day.

So, in the spirit of these reviews. How about we take the time to review ourselves? Take a reflection on everything you did this year. Whether at home, work, or other. How would you score yourself in the categories I listed below? All on a scale of 1 to 5. 1 being the worst and 5 being the best.

  1. Communication
    Have you been doing a good job reaching out to friends and family? Communicating your wants and needs, and listening to others as well?
  2. Work Ethic and Dependability
    Are you doing your best everyday?
    When you said you’ll do something, do you get it done?
    When someone needs help, do you step up?
  3. Empathy and Professionalism
    Do you take time to consider others?
    See things from different perspectives?
    Do you pay attention to how you act and react to situations?
  4. Judgement, Honesty, and Integrity
    Are you quick to judge someone for a mistake?
    How do you handle judgement?
    How do you judge difficult situations?
    Have you been owning up to your mistakes?
    Are you honest about your feelings?
    When you catch a bad situation, how do you react?
    How often do you do what’s right?
    Are you being honest about this self-evaluation?
  5. Self Evaluation
    What’s important to you when it comes to feedback?
    What have you accomplished this year?
    What have you learned?
    How are you getting along with the people in your life?
    Where would you like to improve?
    What would you change if you could?

It’s so easy to want to say everything is fine. You’re doing great. You deserve all the best scores, but here’s your chance–with no one else around–to take a good look at yourself and determine how you can do better.

Help the World Change

I was okay
I was in my lane
Doing my job
Everything was fine
Then watched a film of gorgeous felines
Now my heart is getting ahead of my mind

I was willing to be patient
I was waiting my turn
But a 30 minute film and my heart starts to yearn
A spotted mother with four of her own
Caught in a drought
Nothing but skin and bones

There’s no food
They stay on the move
But one falls behind
Ailed, starving, on the decline
He can’t go on
Collapses in the grass
Each breath could his last
The family has no choice
They leave him to waste
Else they may share a similar fate

Who’s fault is it that this cub perished?
Missing herds? The late rain?
The fires scorching the plains?
What of the onlookers who watched and did nothing?
Didn’t snatch the cub from death. Didn’t do something.

Perhaps its the causes for the herds and the rain?
The ones who nature points its blame?
Climate change. Piles of waste
The ones taking up all the space
Encroaching on land species need to survive
Encroaching on land only to deprive
A cub of a meal
Another of a home
Or the rains needed for the earth to heal

A heart is pained
And points the blame
One planet
All life fighting to survive
Someday seeing we’re all the same
But how can we help the world change?

Story’s Grasp

What’s a story you hold onto?

One that won’t let you go?

Something about it sticks to you

Whether from a book, movie, or show

Perhaps it’s a character

Perhaps just a scene

Perhaps all you can remember

Is an image on a screen.

Stories have a way of holding on

Helping us as we grow

Some may have frightened

But a lesson is always sown

Take a moment to ponder

What that story is for you

Something you’ll always remember

Even if it’s from a cartoon.

Whatever story you’ve got

Whether just a character or scene

I hope you share it with the world

A glimpse into the unseen

Who’s that Girl?

Who’s that girl in the mirror
Thinking she looks good?
With that ragtag braid hiding a mess under the hood.

Who’s that girl in the mirror
With dark ringed eyes
And a smile that isn’t even a lie

Who’s that girl in the mirror
I’ve not seen her before
Owning the week
Getting all the high scores

Where’s the doubt in her eyes?
What happened to second guessing?
That always led her to cry
Held her back ’cause of fretting?

I like this new girl
With gaze full of hope
Taking it a step at a time
Like an artist’s brush stroke

But her hair is a mess
She likes her clothes tattered
She wears no makeup
And her hands are all battered

Yet, she rises each day
To see what it’ll bring
A brand new experience?
A new song to sing?

On the outside, she’s nothing
An overlooked sloth
But inside she’s flying
An eagle aloft

Who’s that girl in the mirror?
I’d sure like to know
I hope she sticks around
And never loses her glow

The Rumor Mill — Reverse Gossip

No matter where you go, you’re going to run into a rumor mill. Whether work, school, large families, or neighborhood communities. You can probably think of one place you know you’ll find a rumor or gossip mill in your life. It’s a place with no definitive location, but you can walk in any time. It can start off innocent. You walk in looking for updates of what’s going on with your company, school work, family plans etc. However, if you’re not careful, it can turn into gossip.

Gossip is the causal conversations about other people typically involving details that may or may not be true. Gossip is going behind someone’s back. It’s an act of hate, not love. It’s negative, downgrading, and not easily stopped.

I’ve had my fair share of conversations where someone tells me something bad about someone else. I’m not perfect myself. I have my ranting days, but I want to do better, and I have my own experience to thank for that. I hate to say it, but when someone talks bad about someone to me, I lose a little trust in the person saying these bad things. If they’re willing to talk bad about somebody else to me then who’s to say they aren’t talking bad about me to others? I want to be a trustworthy person, and I can’t be that if I talk bad about others.

On the radio the other day, I heard about this cool thing called “Reverse Gossip.” It’s an act where you’re still talking about someone behind their back. However, instead of the negatives, you talk about their strengths and accomplishments. You talk about everything you like about someone.

Wouldn’t it be cool if the Rumor or Gossip Mills in our workplaces, schools, families, etc. turned into Reverse Gossip Mills? Imagine how encouraging things would get. Instead of someone being ridiculed for forgetting something or making a mistake, they’re cheered for their skills and contribution. Celebrated for who they are and given grace for what doesn’t measure up in our eyes.

I dare you to check yourself this week. Whenever you find negative words coming out of your lips, clamp your mouth shut. Try to think of something encouraging to say instead. And, if someone comes up to you wanting to gossip, change the subject. Stand against gossip and go into reserve.

 Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.

Proverbs 26:20

A Book

Pick up a book
A portal to a new place
Western towns, castles, or space
All it takes is a good look

Pick up a book
Follow an adventure
Or one with knowledge at its center
Perhaps to teach you how to cook?

Pick up a book
Of action and chases
Explosions and races
And daring feats undertook

Pick up a book
Characters with questionable morals
Causing hundreds of quarrels
All because they’re a crook

Pick up a book
Magic dances on fingertips
And dragons burn sinking ships
While a pirate earns his hook

Pick up a book
Let it take you away
To a far away place
Where the world isn’t so shook

Pick up a book
Take a good look
And someday you may find
That you’re reading mine

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies… The man who never reads lives only one.”

– George R.R. Martin, A Dance with Dragons

Mwezi Hu; The Death House pt. 6

The cold grip of unease shivers our bones as we stare down the pale and eerie ghosts. I keep my hands stretched toward my companions. We’re in a good position to avoid a fight so long as none of them reach for their weapons. “You’re Elizabeth and Gustov. You owned this house. This is your family crypt.”

The ghosts each turn their heads toward me. The look in their sunken eyes makes my hand stand on end. “This house belongs to Strahd.”

Vayne glances at me. I can tell she’s uneasy about this, but I’m thankful she’s offering words instead of claws. “What happened here?”

The spirit of Elizabeth moans. “The will of Strahd.”

Gustov twists his head in an unnatural angle. He aims his gaze at each of us like a loaded crossbow. “Trespassers perish.”

Vyke raises his hands. “Now, hold on a second. What about the people who’s been living here? We’ve seen signs of a cult.”

“Hired help,” Elizabeth emphasizes her words. “To remove the unwanted. We are tasked to receive and remove.”

I glance at my companions. Blue Onesie is poking at an object around the room, but the look I gained from Vayne tells me she shares my concern that we may not be able to talk these ghosts down. My thoughts drift to Rose and Thorn. Perhaps–

“But you’re dead,” Bree’s comment grips my stomach in ice. “How can you be tasked to do anything. You need to move on to the other side.”

Elizabeth and Gustov each stare at the little halfling. I bite my lip. From the looks of their faces, they can’t comprehend what Bree just said. I’m starting to think they don’t know they’re dead.”

“There was a massacre in this house, we figure,” Bree continues like its a casual conversation. “The maid, your children op–” She shuts up when Vayne clamps a claw over her mouth.

I growl through gritted teeth. “What she’s trying to say is that your children are looking for you. Rose and Thorn, right? They’re up in the attic. They’ve been waiting for you all this time.”

I didn’t think a chilly ghost face could soften, but a bit of warmth did grace Elizabeth’s hollow skin. “The children,” she whispered.

Vyke cleared his throat. “Right, we could tell you exactly where, but we need your help too. We’re trying to find the ‘hired help.’ They are a cult, right?”

Elizabeth slothfully motions to a different passage. “The crypt is where they inhabit. Their rituals. That way.”

Vyke glances at the rest of us. “We could get rid of them for you. Then, you and children can haunt this house all to yourselves.”

Gustov hovers over to Vyke. I swear he grew larger as he moved that three feet. He bears over my companion. “The children.”

“In the playroom in the attic,” Vayne points off the way we came from. “They need you.”

We all flinch as Elizabeth lets out an ear-piercing shriek. She dashes past us, disappearing through the wall and Gustov follows not far behind.

I look at the others. “That worked out.”

“Thankfully,” Vayne sighs in relief.

Vyke perks up. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go kill a cult.”

I roll my eyes, but I follow the others to the passage Elizabeth pointed to. It’s another staircase, leading downward. Thankfully, this one has light at the end. Deep chanting catches our ears the deeper we descend. It’s too far away for me to recognize the words. The staircase leads us to a reliquary. Blue Onesie immediately eyes the golden relics, but Vayne stops him with a single grip of her claw. “Touch nothing,” she growls. “Or you’ll be wearing your intestines as a scarf.”

“The chanting is coming from that way.” I point off to one passageway. I still can’t make out the words.

“Then we should start by going that way.” Vyke points off to the only other passage. “Get an air for what’s around before we charge into anything.”

I nod in agreement and the two of us head down the second passage while Vayne babysits Blue Onesie. Our passage leads to a prison with ten cells and skeletons rotting inside them. “What type of family has this in their crypt?” Vyke looks at me, but I only shrug in reply.

Halfway down the prison, there’s a window. Vyke and I take a peek and we tense at the cult in the next room. There’s at least a dozen of them. Tall men dressed in black robes. They stay in a circle, each one holding their hands up as they chant and chant and chant. My blood grows cold when I finally make out what their saying.

“One must die. One must die. One must die.”

Vyke nudges me and points off in the corner of the cult room. Some poor sap is chained to the wall. I bet he’ll be the one to die.

We head back to the others to warn them, but just as we reach Vayne and Blue Onesie, the chanting stops. “What happened?”

Vyke shakes his head at me. “We weren’t seen. Whatever it was, it wasn’t us.”

“Uh, guys,” Vayne’s looking around frantically. “Where’s Bree?”

A scream comes from the cult room.

“Ugh, that halfwit halfling!” Vyke draws his blades. “She went in there alone!” He and Vayne run after her.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. All those cultists in there, we’ll need all the strength we can get. With a smirk, I welcome my wolf blood. The transformation always ignites an exhilarating fire within my veins. My hands extend to claws and thick brown fur coats my body. I howl through canine teeth. The hunt is on.

It Must be Halloween

There’s a chill in the air
Ghouls and ghosts everywhere
It must be Halloween

Pumpkins are in place
Carved with scary face
It must be Halloween

The moon looms over the night
Shining with eerie light
It must be Halloween

Witches cackle at their cauldrons
Brewing sticky potions
It must be Halloween

Hear the howls upon the wind
As the werewolves’ hunt begins
It must be Halloween

Bats dart about
The vampires could be out
It must be Halloween

The graveyard comes alive
As skeletons start to jive
It must be Halloween

Kids go skipping down the street
In costumes they beg “trick or treat”
It must be Halloween

One last word for those out and about
Beware the spooks that do come out
This night of Halloween

Odd One Out

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

Does all the time count?

I consider myself a socially awkward person. I’m more comfortable alone than in a group of people, and it’s hard for me to break out of my comfort zone. Which makes it hard to connect with people. When I spend time alone, then eventually do join the group, I feel awkward because I missed out on whatever the group’s already been doing. My connection to each group member isn’t as strong as their connections to each other. It’s to no fault of them. It’s just how I’m wired. I’m used to being the “quiet one” who doesn’t have much to say.

When I am with the group, I struggle to know what to talk about. I give short and sweet “small talk” answers because that’s what most people want to hear. It’s also difficult because I have a bunch of mental filters that my words have to go through before they even pass my lips. Is what I’m going to say socially acceptable? Is it kind? Is it relevant to the person I’m talking to? Will the person I’m talking to care about what I’m saying or will they think me weird for it? These “small talk” habits and filters have become so automatic, that I’m still learning how to give longer, deeper responses, because anything past the surface is terrifying.

You could definitely say that I’m a people pleaser and I’d rather people not know anything about me than find out something that they’d turn their nose up at.

But, I’m trying. I’m trying to catch myself before the automatic response kicks in so I can give a proper answer to whoever I’m talking to. And, I’m trying to give some of the filters a rest. Be more myself without caring what others think.

If you relate to any of this. I hope this encourages you knowing you’re not alone in feeling like the odd one out or out of place. If I can feel more comfortable being me, then I know you can overcome the challenge of feeling more comfortable being you.

You’re a unique and intriguing person with your likes, skills, dislikes, and lifestyle. Don’t subdue that because you’re afraid of what people think.

Writing Prompt: Scary Movies

Do you like scary movies?

Absolutely not.

It’s October again! Ghosts, werewolves, pumpkins, vampires, fall, and all the Halloween things. As fun as these things are, they make into some terrifying movies. Movies about seral killers. Movies with jump scares. Movies that make you question what’s in the dark of the night.

That is not for me. I can’t even watch Disney’s Haunted Mansion without getting spooked. I don’t like being scared. I don’t want to be scared. I don’t like watching shows of murder and haunting, but I get intrigued by stories and plot lines and that’s where I get myself in trouble watching these spooky movies. Have to watch something fun afterwards to get my mind off it.

Props to everyone who can handle scary movies and not be bothered. I will definitely pass.