Odd One Out

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

Does all the time count?

I consider myself a socially awkward person. I’m more comfortable alone than in a group of people, and it’s hard for me to break out of my comfort zone. Which makes it hard to connect with people. When I spend time alone, then eventually do join the group, I feel awkward because I missed out on whatever the group’s already been doing. My connection to each group member isn’t as strong as their connections to each other. It’s to no fault of them. It’s just how I’m wired. I’m used to being the “quiet one” who doesn’t have much to say.

When I am with the group, I struggle to know what to talk about. I give short and sweet “small talk” answers because that’s what most people want to hear. It’s also difficult because I have a bunch of mental filters that my words have to go through before they even pass my lips. Is what I’m going to say socially acceptable? Is it kind? Is it relevant to the person I’m talking to? Will the person I’m talking to care about what I’m saying or will they think me weird for it? These “small talk” habits and filters have become so automatic, that I’m still learning how to give longer, deeper responses, because anything past the surface is terrifying.

You could definitely say that I’m a people pleaser and I’d rather people not know anything about me than find out something that they’d turn their nose up at.

But, I’m trying. I’m trying to catch myself before the automatic response kicks in so I can give a proper answer to whoever I’m talking to. And, I’m trying to give some of the filters a rest. Be more myself without caring what others think.

If you relate to any of this. I hope this encourages you knowing you’re not alone in feeling like the odd one out or out of place. If I can feel more comfortable being me, then I know you can overcome the challenge of feeling more comfortable being you.

You’re a unique and intriguing person with your likes, skills, dislikes, and lifestyle. Don’t subdue that because you’re afraid of what people think.

Writing Prompt: Scary Movies

Do you like scary movies?

Absolutely not.

It’s October again! Ghosts, werewolves, pumpkins, vampires, fall, and all the Halloween things. As fun as these things are, they make into some terrifying movies. Movies about seral killers. Movies with jump scares. Movies that make you question what’s in the dark of the night.

That is not for me. I can’t even watch Disney’s Haunted Mansion without getting spooked. I don’t like being scared. I don’t want to be scared. I don’t like watching shows of murder and haunting, but I get intrigued by stories and plot lines and that’s where I get myself in trouble watching these spooky movies. Have to watch something fun afterwards to get my mind off it.

Props to everyone who can handle scary movies and not be bothered. I will definitely pass.

Crisp Fall Air

Crisp Fall air
I forgot how nice it was
A gentle breeze
Sixty degrees
The flaming colors of turning leaves

Take a deep breath in
Hold it with a chill
Smell the pumpkins on the air
See the scarecrow over there.
It’s the time for festivals and fairs

A spooky October
Pumpkins on every step
There’s excitement for Halloween
And childish frights to make you scream
And plenty of fake blood on the scene

Then the harvest of fall
November welcomes one and all
Turkeys will be basted
Some families could get wasted
But Thanksgiving’s the best we ever tasted

Crunchy leaves
An oversized hoodie
A season that may seem so small
Still, many of us do recall
The crisp, cool air of Fall

Trouble with Feelings

How are you feeling right now?

This writing prompt came up for me a couple weeks ago. I’ve tried several times to answer it and each time my answer has been different. The first time I tried to answer it, I was feeling like an idiot. Like I had a bunch of mistakes that were piling up and would inevitably lead to my downfall. The next time I tried to answer this prompt, I was feeling pretty good. I was accomplishing a lot. Then not even hours later, I was kicking myself to the curb again.

In the span of one day, I felt stupid and disappointed in myself, then happy and accomplished, to alone and withdrawn, until finally I stubbornly gave it my all until I was too exhausted to care anymore. It was like the weather in Midwest America. Sunny to rainy to snowy and tornadoes all in one day.

So, I struggled with this prompt. The trouble with how you’re feeling right now is that it can change on a dime. You could feel down in the dumps then something can brighten your day. Or, you could be flying high and reality can pummel you into the ground. Maybe you’re stressed? You feel you won’t get your tasks done. Yet, at the end of the day, you underestimated yourself. You’re feeling good that you were productive only to start the whole process over the next day.

My point is that you shouldn’t rely on what you’re feeling. Feelings tend to lie. You could feel everybody hates you when that isn’t true at all. You could feel like the world is ending and you’re not capable when you don’t even realize how strong you are.

So, the next time your feelings suggest nothing but negativity, I hope you’ll take a good, hard look at your feelings and question if they’re lying to you or not. However you’re feeling right now, flying high or down in the dumps, stressed or relaxed, you’re doing great.

Honor Beyond the Game

This past week, I had the pleasure of being a part of a LARP – live action role play. Basically, a bunch of people dress up as medieval characters and play games that involve hitting each other with foam weapons. The games include capture the flag, battle royale, or black knight. It was intriguing to watch. Experienced players would take charge and give orders on where their team should hold or how they should advance.

When it comes down to it, it’s a game of honor. You have to be honest about where you get hit, how many hits you take, and honor in the fight itself. No dirty shots. No blindsiding.

I think what intrigued me the most was watching this honor. Two instances happened in these battle games. I’ll describe both and you can tell me who you think has more honor.

The first instance was between a spearman and a swordsman. They’re both trying to help their teams advance. The spearman lands a direct hit in the swordsman’s chest. Though he had leather armor on, the swordsman falls back, grasping his chest. The game stops when players realize he could be injured. The hit knocked the breath out of the swordsman. He and spearman step to the side and the game continues without them. They discuss what happened. The spearman apologizes for the hard hit and it’s discovered that his weapon, though approved, had broken down in the fight that the tip was no longer cushioned. The weapon was removed from gameplay and both warriors returned to their designated teams to fight on. Not another word was spoken of the matter.

Now, the next instance.

You’ve got a greatswordsman versus a black knight. Both are skilled warriors. Experienced players. The black knight has a tactic of rushing into his opponent’s personal space to swing his sword at their back to take them out before his opponent can land a hit in him. The greatswordsman immobilizes his opponents with by grappling them. When these two face each other on the battlefield it’s a collision with following momentum. The black knight gets grappled, but whacks his sword several times on the greatswordsman’s back. The greatswordsman concedes and attempts to let go, but the hilt of his sword bloodies the black knight’s lip. The greatswordsman doesn’t know this occurred.

The game ends. The black knight seeks out the greatswordsman and scolds him for his bloodied lip. The greatswordsman apologizes and explains his point of view of what happened. Yet, the black knight continues to scold him. He brings the referees into the matter. While the referees take the greatswordsman aside to talk it out, the black knight goes to the other players taking a water break. He shows off his split lip and points at the greatswordsman. In his pacing, he tells the tales of their clash and spins his words so the others would believe the greatswordsman injured him on purpose. He speaks nothing of the apology and boasts that he only wants to fight the greatswordsman again, vengeance claiming his tone.

To me, watching these fights was like watching something out a movie. You had action, a goal, conflict, pride, motives, drama, etc.

So, what do you think? Out of these two instances, who had the most honor? The swordsman who got the wind knocked out of him, or the black knight with the bloodied lip? In my opinion, it was the swordsman who got the wind knocked out of him who had more honor. He was injured, but he talked it out with the spearman, figured out what was wrong, and moved on. The matter was closed.

The black knight, on the other hand, went after the greatswordsman with a blaming finger. Instead of working it out man to man, he made sure others knew what the greatswordsman did and he turned those others against the greatswordsman. To play the LARP games, you have to sign a waiver saying if you get injured you’re not going to sue anyone because of it. Weapons and rules are designed so that no one should get hurt, but a mock battle is still a battle. If you’re going to fight, you need to be prepared to get hurt. And, in my opinion, in a battle of make believe, you should never assume someone comes at you with malicious intent.

In a game that depends on honor, that honor should carry beyond the game and into how you treat your fellow players. I may not be very good at these LARP battles myself, but watching the pride among warriors has my interest. I may go again just to gage their honor.

I hope this post helps you give a new perspective and gets you thinking a little bit more about the honor you hold.

Into the Game

I recently watched a movie where a family enters a video game to save the world from a hacker. As a bit of a gamer, and a total fantasy nerd myself, it got me thinking of the games I play. It’s not a lot. I usually stick to a few franchises. The last game I played was The Legend of Zelda; Tears of the Kingdom. Before that was Pokemon Violet, and I dabble in Elder Scrolls; Skyrim from time to time.

What about you? What’s the last game you played? Was it a phone game? A console or computer game? Maybe a board game or card game? Or even Dungeons and Dragons?

Whatever the game, I want you to consider every aspect of it. The settings. The characters. The tricks, fighting styles, abilities, rules, etc. Now, would you be able to play that game to save the world?

Humor me for a second. If you suddenly woke up in the last game you played, how would you fare? You’re not transformed into the hero or given special abilities. You enter the game just as you are. Would you be able to survive? Could you beat the game as yourself to save the world?

I’ll be honest. I don’t think I could survive in Zelda or Skyrim. I’d probably find a location to hunker down and see if I suddenly end up back home by sheer luck. However, I do believe I could survive in a game like Pokemon Violet. I think I’d have a pretty good chance at reaching the endgame and beating it.

What do you think? Would you be able to risk your life in a game to save the world? Do you think you could beat it?

Fill in the Blank

Blank white canvas
Blank white page
Blank white dresser
Blank white cabinet
Blank walls

There so much potential in the blank. Especially when you’re an artist. I stare at a blank white dresser with stains on the front and think I have to do something about it. I have paints. I have a white art cabinet that has no art on it.

That isn’t right.

Where are paint marks? The handprints? Where are the charcoal or pastel smudges? Where is the evidence of art?

I need to hop to it.

The desk is stained brown, but it’s tops and sides are blank. The walls are gray-ish and boring. That space needs something more. Bring in the life. Bring in the personality. Bring in the art you can tie back to me.

I need to know it need not be perfect. I need to know it just needs to be.

Time to fill in the blank with me.

Favorite Word

What’s your favorite word?

There’s a lot of words out there in a lot of different languages, so picking one word that tops them all can be a challenging task. I wouldn’t blame someone if they didn’t have a favorite word. There’s a lot of funny words like flabbergasted or serious ones like stern. There’s made up words, imaginary words, curse words, and more. You could pick a favorite word based on the letters in it or what it means or maybe it’s your favorite because you use it all the time? What word is that for you?

My favorite word is always the first one that comes to my mind when I hear this question:

Loyal

I like the way it sounds. I like the way it’s spelled. I like the symmetry to it, but most importantly, I like the definition.

Loyal:

adjective

  1. giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

Loyalty is a trait I always admire and strive for. People who are unwavering in their faith or friendships. Who never give up on someone or something they believe in are admirable. The “loyal to a fault” character flaw is even one of my favorites. When watching a show or reading a book it’s the loyal first mate, friend, pet, or other that the main character can’t get through their trials without that always becomes my favorite.

Loyalty isn’t a trait you see often. People these days have to put themselves first and that’s not something I blame people for. It’s rare to find something you can give your loyalty too anyway.

But that’s a deeper conversation.

My favorite word is loyal. What’s yours?

Employee Pride

How many tv shows, movies, books, or other have you experienced has a character that hates their job? Do you know someone in life who hates their job? They don’t like their coworkers? They don’t like their management or policies or values? They only stick around because they can’t find another job with that nice of pay?

I know people in real life like that. Heard plenty of stories of how people hate their jobs and wish they could go elsewhere, but they don’t know where to go or can’t leave the benefits or pay. It makes me sad that life is like that for people. It helped me decide long ago to pursue a career that made me happy over making me rich. I took a good hard look at what I enjoyed doing. What type of space I thrived in. And, what type of work I preferred. All that landed me at a zoo. It’s the first job I had that I actually see myself sticking around.

No workplace is perfect. The business aspect of the zoo rubs my fur the wrong way sometimes, but I’ve never understood business. I don’t even like the word. It’s a lot of hard work, I’ve had to develop skills I didn’t know I needed and the pressure can be overwhelming at times, but then I have those moments where I stop and take a look around.

It’s a zoo. The animals are definitely the best part of the job, but there’s more to it. There’s a lot of effort the zoo puts into conservation and education. There’s so much care my coworkers put toward the animals that it can move you to tears. There’s passion in the keeper chats we give. Some of our areas may be outdated, but we make them the best they could be. Then there’s the visitors. I see kids laughing when our monkeys bounce around their exhibits. Wonder in the eyes of “tough guys” when I coax our leopard closer to them. Lots of eyebrows raise when I tell people how old our tortoises are. I hear families making memories when they claim one of them looks like one of our gorillas. There’s sunlight dappling the trees in summertime and frost turning everything into gemstones in the winter. There’s growth, compassion, companionship, and opportunity.

I’d say that’s cause for a whole a lot of pride.

Nothing is perfect. There’s struggles every single day, and sometimes things don’t make sense. But, when I take a step back and look at the impact my workplace can have, I’m glad to work there, and I’m proud to work there.

I hope the same for you. Wherever you work, I hope you enjoy it. I hope it brings you purpose and you can make an impact. If you don’t feel that way, maybe you need to change how you view your workplace? Look for the impact your workplace can make for others and start bringing out that focus. Sometimes, you just need to look back at the original purpose for your workplace to find it. It is making people smile someway? Providing a service? Whatever it may be, I hope you enjoy it, and you don’t find yourself as one of the characters in stories or the people we know that hate their job and groan about going in every day.

You deserve to enjoy what you do.

Check Yourself

We all have rough days. For me, it was the other morning. I got up for an early shift after having little sleep the night before. I was on day three of disinfecting areas that aren’t easiest because the hose doesn’t work right or I keep banging my head or scratching my back on the perching set up around the stall. Then, there was the feeling of being overwhelmed with all the tasks on my list. I scratched my back on the perching once again and I’ll admit, I let out a growl of frustration. I stopped what I was doing and gave myself a moment to think “this sucks, I don’t like this at all. What am I even doing?” But, then I remembered the animal in the stall next to mine. A sensitive little guy who’s super sweet, but also a super turd, and I really kind of like him. Animals can sense your attitude, and they’ll act according to it. The frustration I was harboring wasn’t going to help my relationship with my friend in the other stall. He’s supposed to feel safe around his caretakers, and my growls of frustration only adds tension to the room.

So, I checked myself. I took a deep breath and asked myself why was I so frustrated. Cleaning isn’t fun, but it’s never bothered me before. I keep hitting my head, but not enough that I’m gonna be bruised, and when you’re a tall person working with monkeys, you have to accept you’ll hit your head on the perching. I was tired, but not enough to stop me from doing my job. In the end, every reason I came up with was something I label as a “little thing.” And, the icing on the cake that painted all these little things as a disaster?

I was hungry.

I had a textbook case of being hangry. I knew as soon as I ate something, I would feel a lot better, and later in the day, I’d look back at that morning and be upset with myself for letting all those little things get the better of me. It wasn’t worth it, and it especially wasn’t worth effecting my relationship with the animal in the other stall. So, I took another deep breath, refocused, and went back to a calmer attitude while I cleaned. I paused by my friend in the other stall and offered reassurance and talked to him, so he’d know everything was alright. When I finished cleaning, I spent quality time with him. Did some training, and gave him treats. When he was feeling better, I moved on to the breakroom to get something to eat. Just like I thought, I felt better. The world wasn’t as sucky as those little, morning frustrations claimed it was.

It’s amazing how attitude effects you and the living things around you. It’s contagious. If you’re in a bad mood and act upon that mood, it can bring others down if they think you’re mad at them, it can convince others to share that same mood, or put tension in the air that people or animals put their guard up. The reverse is also true. If you’re in a good mood, smiling and laughing, it can spread to others. One thing you need to be in animal care is calm. If you’re calm, your animals will have more reason to be calm as well.

I hope this encourages you to check your attitude when you find yourself getting cranky or down. Figure out the reason behind it. Are you just hungry? Is there something bigger going on? Then, decide if it’s worth it. Maybe you have situations like I did where a bunch of little things were getting to you. You can hold onto those little things or let them go. Decide whether or not they’ll be important in an hour or not. You have the power to choose if you’re going to let that effect the rest of your day and the people around you.

Attitudes are powerful. Be careful how you use them.