Looking Ahead By Looking Back

It’s the end of 2023. We made it through another year, and there’s no telling what the next one will have in store. Back in college, I started keeping a daily planner. I write down what I do each day, include dreams, thoughts, and fears. You could call it a diary of sorts. In a few days, the one I currently write in will go on a shelf and I’ll pull out a new one. It’s my little “ceremony” to bring in the new year.

You could say my life is literally on a shelf.

Each year that passes by, I find myself more and more grateful that I started keeping a daily planner. It’s nice to be able to look back and remember what occurred each year or each specific day. All the good times and the bad. Time spent with friends and family. What happened at work. What we survived. Who helped me where and how I made a difference.

Each time I look back at my planners, I find a lot of moments where I was down in the dumps. Something made me cry and others wanted to make me give up. It makes me all the more grateful for where I am now. There’s a lot more happier things being written down in my planners and that gives me hope. Seeing where I came from and seeing where I am now gives me hope for the new year.

What adventures will I undertake? What lessons will I learn? Will dreams come true or at least get a little closer? Will something good unexpectedly happen? What about something bad?

Whatever the new year brings, I know I’m strong enough to take it. The reminders are right there on the shelf.

Wherever you are, I hope you’re facing the New Year with hope. Maybe take a look back at where you used to be and remind yourself you’re in a better place. Or, if you’re not in a better place, the New Year could bring you there. There’s always reason to hope. So, never give up.

Take a moment to look back, so you can look ahead with your head held high.

Dream of a Loyal Friend

Lately, I’ve been having weird dreams. Stressful ones. Fun filled ones. Ones that don’t even make sense. Yet, one dream I had was pretty adventurous and I’ll probably save it as a story idea. I wanted to share it with you.

I was at a college of sorts. There was a cafeteria, classrooms, high nosed teachers, the works. My brother was also there. He and I were walking to an event in the dark of the school parking lot. When suddenly, I got attacked by a figure cloaked in black. Thankfully, I was somehow able to beat the poor guy up before my brother even realized what happened. The guy scurried off and my brother and I continued to the event–it was a carnival of sorts. We were having fun, but somehow we got separated. I was approached by one of the high-nosed teachers. I got the sense the guy I beat up told his people what happened. The teacher had another student with him, a girl with dark hair in a ponytail.

Turns out, she had powers.

I quickly learned this high-nosed teacher was a part of a secret organization bent on controlling people with powers like the ponytailed girl. We had no choice but to go through a couple dangerous tests–or rather obstacle courses. I didn’t have any powers, but I guess beating up that cloaked guy in the parking lot proved I had potential.

At the end of one of the courses, we were given a three minute breather. The girl with powers fell to her knees and wept. She was upset she had powers. She hated how they made her so alone. Everyone only ever wanted to use her. Several others and I just watched her cry. I felt for her. I grabbed her to give her a hug and she wept on my shoulder. From that moment on, we were friends.

I’d definitely say our lives improved with our friendship. She was weird, under her powers. Very dorky and a bit socially awkward, but she had a spark that could embolden anyone. We did what we could to resist the secret society, but they soon realized she had a weakness. We got away from them once, but it didn’t last. We were captured and they told her to use her powers for their devices or I might end up losing a couple fingers and toes. For her sake, I helped the secret society to. We both did terrible things. We suffered together. The secret society started seeing value in my skills too. Until they realized I wasn’t retaining the evil ideals they were trying to teach–my act of rebellion. They learned it was better to keep me and my friend apart.

I learned what I could about this secret society. They weren’t a brute force organization. They liked mind games. They tricked people, and mind-controlled people. They come off as proper and honest, but are really cold, rotten villains at the core.

And, they believed in magic.

People can apparently have special abilities, so why not have magic and dimension hopping be a thing too?

I may have rebelled against one too many times, because the next thing I know, the high-nosed teacher who was my handler dropped me off in a canyon where they kept the dragons they captured from other dimensions. First it’s enslaving me and my friend and now it’s dragon-abuse?

My friend needed my help. They were probably going to try and put her through some painful experimental process of extracting her powers. I had no idea where she was, or even where I was. All I knew was that I had dragons to face–and hopefully free–and my friend to find. All without dying, of course.

It was only a dream. My friend and I didn’t know each other very long. She was actually pretty dangerous to be around. Her emotions triggered her powers and I still couldn’t peg down what she could do. She had some strange quirks and let’s face it, her social skills needed work. Everyone else who saw her weeping that day at the obstacle course looked away, but she needed a friend.
And so did I.

Missing Helper at Christmas

There’s something different this year
As I pull out the wrapping paper
There’s plenty of presents to wrap
And the tape’s somewhere behind my back

Yet, as I pull out the roll
There’s no paws to help me keep hold
The package is free from claws poking holes
No paper gets crinkled from pounces or rolls

When Christmas day comes,
she won’t be in my lap
Nor at our spot by the tree
Watching presents unwrapped with glee

Christmas will hit different
without the furbabies at home
No making them wear antlers
Or hugs to warm your bones

So, I’ll poke a hole in a package or two
All because I really miss you

You helping me wrap
Always made things worse
But you were a good cat
The best in the universe

Character Type

I’ve got a question for you. When you watch a TV show, movie, read a book, or play a video game, what type of character do you gravitate towards? Think of all your favorite characters in all the stories you’ve encountered. What do they all have in common? Are they strong fighters? Are they clever planners? Maybe they’re brave in the face of fear? Or really good puzzle solvers? Is there something about them you admire? Do they have a flaw you can relate to? Perhaps they have a character trait you wish you had? Or maybe you like them simply because they’re funny?

I like to think the types of characters we like tell us a little bit about ourselves. For me, I always gravitate toward the number two. Each story has a main character. It’s all about their struggles, their overcoming, etc. etc. However, usually those main characters have a best friend or rival. Someone who doesn’t get the full spotlight, but plays a major role in the main character’s story and development. They’re usually the second person on the movie poster. For Captain Kirk, it’s Spock. For The Lone Ranger, it’s Tonto. For Monkey D. Luffy, it’s Roronoa Zoro. For Frodo, it’s Sam. You could consider all the sidekicks to super heroes in this category too. They’re a supporting character who has the main character’s back, and their whole relationship is based on a type of friendship whether its rivals to friends or duty leading to mutual respect and friendship.

Those are the types of characters I find myself favoring. They’re not the main character, but the story wouldn’t be the same without them.

So, how about you? What’s your favorite character type?

Regret’s Future

Why does regret come after the fact?

You start thinking of moments you can’t get back.

It’s not important until the opportunity is gone.

And we start wishing we would’ve seized it all along.

We wonder how we could’ve changed fate

But dwelling in the past is a dangerous place

Grief and doubt want to anchor you down

Tell you you’re lost. Never to be found

Whether a passing occurred or a mistake was made

They’ll hold you prison in a dark, dreary place

They hold you until your fire goes out

You can’t make a difference. You do nothing but pout

But the past is done. That’s all it is

A moment in time. It’s your choice to forgive

Hold your head up. It’s time to live

A new day means new choices

A time to rejoice

The past can only hold you if you give it that choice

So when the Darkness comes after the fact

In those moments you can’t take back

There’s lessons to be learned

A way to be better

For even regret can be a teacher

And guide you to a brighter future

Writing Prompt: Wildlife Spotting

Daily writing prompt
Do you ever see wild animals?
View all responses

I have the luxury of working at a zoo, so I see a lot of captive wild animals every day I work from giant tortoises to lowland gorillas. Yet, I always stay on the lookout for the native wildlife in my area. We get a lot of opossums and raccoons that will sometimes mess with our animals, and plenty of native birds that come to steal the meat we put out on exhibit for our animals.

So, there’s a lot of native wildlife that I get to see, but I have to share the coolest native wildlife sighting that happened to me a couple weeks ago.

I was working in my main routine at my zoo. It was projected to snow and my routine calls for a lot of time outdoors because you have to walk to the different animal buildings. I remember hearing these cries throughout the day that sounded so familiar. It was one of those where you know that sound, but you can’t quite place it or remember why you know it. I was walking from our tortoise building to our aviary when I heard it again. I turned in the direction of the cry with a scrunch on my face because–for the life of me–I couldn’t remember why I knew that sound. You know what I saw?

Two bald eagles.

Not one, but two wild bald eagle flew right over my head. They flew as low as the top of our tortoise building (which is shorter than your average tree), and I got to watch them fly off toward the horizon. I’ve taken care of a bald eagle before, and it wasn’t until I saw those two flying that I realized the cries I was hearing were similar to the ones I heard from our bald eagle. I rarely get to see wild bald eagles. So, seeing two flying over my head is definitely a memory I’m going to treasure.

Right afterwards, it started to snow.

Silence the Phone

Can I be honest about something? Lately, I’ve noticed I’ve been dreading the sound of my phone’s ring tone and text tone. Last night, I was wasting the night watching my favorite show. I was enjoying the goofiness and ridiculousness that occur in it and when I heard my phone go off, my smile disappeared. I felt anxiety like needle pricks on my shoulders and it traveled down my arms.

That’s when you really know you need a mental break.

I’ve known I needed one for a while. Tension and inconveniences have been getting to me more easily lately and things I used to enjoy aren’t so enjoyable anymore. Not to mention, I waste my nights in front of the tv more often now instead of going back to my hobbies and dreams. Which in turn makes me feel guilty about not working on my hobbies and dreams.

So, I decided to silence my phone for my weekend. The sound of it going off amped my anxiety, so I was going to spare myself that for my weekend. I’m not going to look at emails about bills or work. Not going to look at text messages from work or people wanting to hang out (I’m an introvert. I need several days notice to prepare myself for a hang out). I’m gonna take this time to free myself from anxiety, worry, and all the other ugly feelings trying to pull me down. And you know what?

It’s okay.

It’s okay to silence your phone for your weekend. It’s okay to take a mental break. It’s okay to not be there to answer somebody’s question. It’s okay to lighten your load.

So, if you’re finding yourself in a point like I’m at, I encourage you to take care of yourself. Give yourself an hour, a day, a weekend. Whatever you need to get your mind back in a better headspace and get your feet back on the ground. For me, it’s silencing my phone and I’m not going to think about what’s giving me anxiety and stress. Those thoughts are banned. If that’s what you need to do too, please do it. You’re worth it.

Happy December!

Welcome to the last month of 2023. No matter how your year is going, I hope you can finish off strong. Take a look back at those resolutions we made in January and see what we can cross off the list. I managed to check off half of my dreams for this year. As for the rest, some of them were halfway completed, so I’ll take that as a win.

Honestly, it’s been a pretty insane year. So much has happened. There’s been a lot of tears and a lot of causes for joy. So, similar to what I did last year, I wanted to make a list of the highs and the lows of this year. Coming into the last month, I think it’s important to see how the year’s gone, so you help push yourself into finishing strong. Feel good about what you’ve accomplished or achieved even if it’s accomplishing a little relaxation. Whatever you need to help make the end of the year a good one.

Feel free to share any of your highs and lows. Here’s mine:

January
High — Hired an editor for my novel
Low — Rejected by an agent I was really hoping for

February
High — Had a lot of fun enrichment days for the zoo animals
Low — Lost two of our zoo animals to old age

March
High — Hand fed a cheetah for the first time. Offered a full time zookeeper position!
Low — One of our cheetah’s passed away to renal failure

April
High — Start training cheetahs
Low — Got into a phone game app I thought was really cool only to quit because paying players buried my rookie butt into the ground

May
High — First time cheetah painting. Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom released!
Low — Another zoo animal lost to age

June
High — Attended a writing workshop!
Low — Go through the five stages of grief with editor’s feedback

July
High — New animals arrive at the zoo
Low — My best friend, the best cat in the world, passes away

August
High — Baby duiker born
Low — I totally forgot our cheetah’s birthday

September
High — Paid off my car loan. New animals arrive at the zoo!
Low — Felt very overloaded with stuff happening during the month

October
High — Things I can’t talk about!
Low — Other things I can’t talk about!

November
High — Finally killed a King Gleeok in Tears of the Kingdom
Low — The best dog in the world, my Boo Bear, passes away.

December is hopeful.

Beauty in the Weeds

Do you remember when you were a kid? Do you remember playing outside in the grass? Going to the playground of your school and creating flower bracelets, necklaces, and crowns with your friends? And because there were never any actual flower around, you used dandelions, clovers, and the little plant with the purple stems coming off it. You used weeds to make your little creations.

I remember doing that on the playground with my friends. I was never very good at weaving the weeds together, though. We’d have these beautiful crowns of yellow dandelions or clover bracelets. Those little weeds with the purple stems would hang from the necklaces we made like oversized jewels. We thought we were wearing the jewelry of fairies and elves back then.

But, eventually, you grow up. People tell you weeds are bad and your parents don’t want to see them in their yards. The grass loses a lot of color as people put down weed killer to keep a plain of green on their lawn and nothing else.

Winter is coming and when I look around, all I see is dormant plants and snow. The weeds that bring bright colors to the earth are waiting for the warmth of spring come out again. That’s definitely one of the reasons spring is my favorite season. The world comes back to life and color comes with it. It makes me smile seeing a yard of bright yellow dandelions. They’re like little suns saying hello.

As we got older, we lost the eye for beauty in the weeds. You’re told to keep them out of your yard. Told to keep the lawn green and crisp with grass when in reality biodiversity is better. The colors are better. The wishes held in the dandelions are better.

I’m dreaming of spring because I’m already tired of the cold, but I’d like to invite you when the world reawakes to look for the weeds and remember the beauty they bring.