Oh, To Be…

Oh, to be needed.
Oh, to be wanted.
Oh, to be something valued and spotted.
But, not to be, and in misery
Not a treasured part of the team.

Built frustration.
Lost connection.
Everyone keeps you in isolation.
Who to reach out? Who to care?
Who to stop you from losing air?

There’s complaint.
There’s discontent.
There’s a talking to that makes you feel spent.

What effort do you give?
Should you correct yourself?
Should you do better despite what you felt?
What about them? Why should it be you?
To bridge the gap with sticky glue.

What’s the point?
You disappoint.
Too much learned behavior you can’t exploit.
Try if you’d like. See how it goes.
Perhaps the chaos can turn into a rose?

Humble the shame. See what you need.
And apologize for slamming things.
Take a breath. Look ahead.
And grow into what your God intends.

Every hardship.
Every trip.
Is there to be sure that you’re equipped.
Every darkness can have redemption.
There’s nothing that is an exception.

Let floodgates open.
Let truth spill out.
Go beyond and past the doubt.
And someday you’ll be what is intended.

To be needed.
Wanted.
Valued and spotted.

Breaking the News to Your Characters

So, how many of you writers out there like to view your characters as alive in their own right? You know they’re not real, but you still do exercises like having conversations with them to figure out what they like, how they grew up, or you even straight up ask them what they’re going to do next in the situation you’ve thrown them in. I like writing this way because then I’m even surprised by the plot twists and it makes me feel like the story is more alive than just some story map on a page. There is a downside to writing this way, though. Sometimes your characters will tell you plot twists too late and you have to go back and rewrite the beginning of the book to compensate. That always makes the book better, though.

Then, there are the times where you, the author, decide that the book needs a revision and, as for me, I’ve done it a lot. So, how do you break it to your characters? You can’t just blame it on one character by pointing out their plot twist so all of them are mad at that one character. You could just start doing it and hope they don’t notice. I always try to bring it to their attention, because then they might tell me other things that need improvement.

If you’ve been keeping up with my posts, you’ll know that I’m doing another revision on my novel. I’m trying to decrease word count, figure out if I’m telling and showing the same thing in one scene, and make the main character’s feelings more prominent. It’s a slow progress, but I’m making a lot of improvements and my goal is to have the draft completed by the end of the year (I know, it’s a long timeframe, but you never know what can happen in a year–I’m looking at you, 2020).

My characters knew I wanted to revise the story. I mean, something wasn’t working and we couldn’t figure out what, but thanks to a writing workshop, I know the direction we need to go and I’m excited to get there. So, when it came to breaking the News to my characters, I imaged it went something like this:

“Alright, everyone, gather around!” I waved my hands in the air to herd my characters closer. Looks like everyone was here, but…wait… “Justin!” I turn to my main character. “Where’s–” He cuts me off with a shake of his head. My spitfire girl isn’t coming. Why am I not surprised?

“Ok!” I smile as I look everyone over. Looks like everyone is here except my spitfire girl. I’ll track her down later. “As you all know, Justin and I just attended that writing conference. We’ve got a whole notebook of ways to improve our novel!”

“So, what’s she saying,” Justin crosses his arms and frowns at me. “Is that we’re going through another revision.”

Groans echo from the crowd. My chestnut centaur tosses his hands up. “What’s in this one?”

“I think it’s rather exciting!” My old chef smiles at the others. “I saw some of her notes! There’s going to be some heartfelt changes!”

“And probably some not so heartfelt changes.” I have a tanned lieutenant that gives me a very pointed and angry look. “Let me guess, something else is getting destroyed?”

“Calm down, it’s not as bad as you think!” I frown back at the lieutenant. “This is for the best and you know it! Word count is our biggest issue and I have some news way to shave it down. Not only that, but I’m changing up some scenes to draw in the most drama and anticipation! It’s going to be better than before! Just like every other revision!”

Muttering continues amongst my characters. Some of them don’t quite believe me, but others know I’m right. My dark-haired knight just turns and leaves, but he’s never been one for words. My chef is trying to explain some of my notes to my centaur, but those notes don’t actually effect the centaur, so he doesn’t look interested. Eventually, all of them just mill away. Some of them ask me questions and I let them know of any changes to their fate. I’m glad most of them are taking it well.

Justin’s remaining where he was. He stares at me with arms crossed and discontent on his face.. He’s waiting for everyone to leave. So, I can guess what he wants to talk to me about. “What’s on your mind?” I ask him.

“I don’t like some of the changes you’ve come up with.”

This doesn’t surprise me. “Why not? They’re helping the story. More tension, more background, more accuracy–”

“More revealing.”

I sigh. “Justin, you’re the main character. People have to know what’s going on inside your head.”

“No they don’t!” He snaps at me. “The older version was just fine! People don’t need to see…” He trails off with a deep breath. I know exactly what’s bothering him. I rewrote the beginning of my book to include a scene that was once a memory he didn’t want to relive.

“No one is going to think lesser of you.” I smile softly at him. “People read books to relate to the characters. To feel what they’re going through and see them overcome it. You’ve got what it takes, Justin.”

He doesn’t look at me and I see the doubt in his eyes, but instead of admitting it, he stiffens up. “You better make it worth it.”

“It will be.” I have to say those words strong enough for the both of us to believe it. “The story always gets better after a revision. Remember the hope we had when we first thought of these changes? We can’t lose it! Our dream will come true..”

Writing Prompt: Best Compliment

What’s a compliment you’ve received that really made your day? And I mean REALLY made your day. Maybe your mind goes to one specific thing or maybe you think of something you wish someone would compliment you on? Either way, let us know!

For me, well, I’ve got a pretty specific memory that comes to mind with this question. If you don’t know by now: I’m a geek. I play video games, watch movies, read books, and all. And the first compliment I think of when considering this question comes from all the way back when I was in junior high. It was probably 7th grade. My friends and I are sitting around the lunch table. I have no idea what we were talking about, but one of my friends–one of my preppy type of my friends–looks at me and says: “you know, if you had pointy ears, you look like that princess from the video game my brother plays.” Naturally, my interests were peaked and my first thought was that she meant the Legend of Zelda video game series. However, I always hid how much of a geek I was way back when. My friends didn’t know I played video games and was into all the stuff that society would frown upon. You know how it goes: “Oh, you’re a geek? What a nerd. Video games rot your brain. Play a real sport. Etc. Etc. Etc.” I hid all that stuff so that I wouldn’t get picked on or look down on. So, when my friend told me I look like some princess from a video game I tried to hide the fact that I probably knew exactly what she was talking about. I awkwardly shrugged and asked: “which game?” She just shook her head and said: “I don’t know. I don’t remember.” I tried to pry: “was it the Legend of Zelda? I’ve heard there’s a pointy eared princess in that one.” She shrugs and says: “probably.”

Given the fact that Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda series is my all-time favorite character, I was feeling pretty good after that compliment! I know she could’ve been thinking of a different video game and I know she was just trying to pry my geekiness out of me and prove that I’m not as preppy as she is, but there was a chance that I got compared to Princess Zelda so I didn’t care one, stinkin’ bit!

Things have definitely changed since those days. Princess Zelda is still my favorite character, but nowadays, I hope to be complimented on my writing over my looks. I would especially love to get complimented on when it comes to my book. It would be nice to hear: “hey, Nikki, your book was fantastic! I can’t wait to read the next one!” Being a writer, people compliment you all the time on your writing whether it’s a blog post, a poem, or just a note in a card, but for non-published authors, it can be hard to find someone who will read your book all the way through and honestly tell you they really liked it. If beta readers (other writers) read it to help with feedback, they might hold back their opinion because they’re intimidated or they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Beta readers know how much heart gets put in a book, and no one wants their heart crushed. Then, if family members read it, they often soften their opinion. Tell you its good just because you’re family. Hopefully, one day, my book will get published and I’ll be able to look online for that one review that says this book was really good.

So, that’s my best past compliment and hopeful compliment for the future. What about you? What unique compliment have you been giving? And, what about your neighbor? Your sister? Brother? Mother? Friend? What unique compliment do you think they would like? I dare you to share your stories either in the comments below or on my Facebook or Twitter pages. Oh, and I double-dog dare you to give someone the best compliment today. Let them know something that they’ll be smiling about when they remember it years from now.

Make someone’s day.

Like Them

May I be honest? Something’s been bugging the back of mind for a while now and I’d like to just write it out. Allow me to share my thoughts and I think everyone will find that they can relate.

Have you ever met someone who is just awesome? You introduce, become friends, hang out, laugh, and just have a good time together. Then, as time goes by, you realize you’re friend is really good at stuff. Whatever they set their mind to, they accomplish. Whether it’s learning something for the first time or doing typical tasks.

Do you have a friend like that? Maybe it’s a family member or a coworker, or someone you met one time? They can be kinda intimidating. You see their accomplishments, hear what others say about them, and suddenly you find yourself having a conversation with comparison.

“Oh, they’re really good at being a leader. I don’t think I can be like that.”

“Wow, they succeeded on their first try. I failed five times and still never got it.”

“Man, I wish I was as sure of myself as they are.”

“They’ve achieved so much and what I have done?”

“If I were more like them, my life would be better.”

The list goes on and what’s worse is that you start to let that comparison define you. You strive so hard to be like somebody else, you miss the value in just being you. You may have heard this before, but they say “comparison is the thief of joy,” and they’re right. I’ve been there. I still fall into that trap here and there. I compare myself to friends, coworkers, cousins, and the like. And you know what? It SUCKS! I’d go through periods of discouragement and self loathing because I wasn’t on the same road to success as my cousins or because I wasn’t as bold as my coworkers. It’s a dark place and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

So how do you get out? Well, just stop with the comparisons. It sounds easy, but it’s really not. I, personally, try to remember that everyone has different skill sets and that’s a good thing! If we were all the best at everything, we wouldn’t need each other. I’m not bold, but I know people who are, so if I notice a problem that needs addressed, I know who I can tell who will stir the pot. You may not be physically strong, but there are a lot of people out there who can help you compensate. I mean, if you think about it. How many books, movies, and video games have characters of different skills and backgrounds working together? Pretty much all of them. And if you make a team to work on a project, you’re going to pick people who have the skill sets for each task. So, why try to be like someone else on the team when you have your own role to play?

It’s difficult to keep that in mind. Whenever you see that person who’s “better than you” it’s a harsh reminder of the skills you lack, but you have to remember the skills you have. Remember what you contribute and be happy for your family, friends, and coworkers for the skills they have, because even though you need their skills now, they’ll be needing yours someday. So when comparison comes knocking for a nice little chat. Don’t even open the door. Remember there’s value in just being yourself. You’re one of a kind after all. Out of the billions of people in history and alive today, not one is like you. I struggle with comparing my life path to others, especially family. It’s hard seeing their success in finding a spouse, buying a house, or furthering their career when I’m still working on mine. But, that just means my timing is a little later than everyone else’s. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Besides, after thinking about it, I know there are things I want to accomplish before the spouse and the house show up.

Letting go of comparison is very freeing. Don’t get me wrong, I still fall into that trap now and again, but fighting back with truth reminds me of my own worth. It reminds me that the path I’m on has purpose. I’m working on growing confidence in myself and am growing more comfortable relying on others. However, lately, what’s strange is that I’m finding myself on the flip side.

“What do you mean ‘on the flip side?'”

Well…I’ve had some people compare themselves to me.

“Isn’t that a good thing? You should feel honored!”

Uh, no. No. Not at all. It sucks too. I’ve caught snide comments like: “Of course you did well” or people will outright compare themselves by saying: “We can’t all have your abs.” Or “you must have gotten your genes from your mother.” Then, you have the ones who are completely honest and kind about it when they tell you that seeing your success makes them feel insecure. They paint this grand illusion of you that you’re good at everything when you know that’s not true. That grand illusion and those admissions can make you feel many different things and I’ve listed the main ones:

  1. You want to live up to those expectations which you can’t because nobody’s perfect.
  2. You want to avoid the people you make feel insecure all together because you don’t want them feeling that way.
  3. You dial back yourself to make others feel better.

That’s also no way to live. If you try to meet those perfect expectations, you’ll burn out, make a mistake, and people will shame you for it. If you avoid the people you make feel insecure, not only is it lonely, but then others get REALLY insecure by thinking you’re not talking to them because you’re mad at them and misunderstandings lead to dead friendships. However, if you dial back yourself, you’re not being true to yourself and others will receive what you rightfully earn. Plus, you’ll be left out of the group, which is how I’ve been lately with family and with coworkers. I dial back so others don’t feel intimidated, but people start passing you by or overlook you when you don’t shine like you’re supposed too.

So, what do you do? People always say be true to yourself no matter what. But people don’t like it when you’re true self intimidates them. I honestly don’t have an answer. I’ve tried talking to the people who feel insecure around me, but the talks don’t help and I don’t know what more to do. Do you just go about your business? Shine in your own way and let the friendship fall apart because of their insecurities? I mean, I’ve reached out, but when they don’t reach back, how can you help them? I’ve never been in this position before. I mean, I’m always the one doing the comparing not the other way around!

I’ll end it here with this food for thought. If you have a story involving comparison whether it was you comparing to someone else or someone comparing themselves to you, please feel free to share! Either in the comments here or on my Twitter or Facebook pages. Maybe we can help each other win the battle against comparison and instead of being more like them, you be more like you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This morning marks the first day
Of 2022
Many jump and shout “Hooray!
Thank God the year’s brand new!”

Now on to good things, hopes, and dreams.
Let’s focus on the joy!
There’s so much opportunity
Like a Christmas full of toys!

So begone the doubt! Begone the dread!
Begone all misery and stress!
Begone dark thoughts inside your head!
There’s no time to second-guess.

This 2022,
Focus on the glee
Make a toast to things brand new
And all the wonder we may see.

Shed no tears for what may end.
Shed no tears at all.
Keep your focus straight ahead.
Let the past fade overall.

One final toast: “fairwell ’21!”
Don’t ever be seen again.
This year, it marks a brand new dawn,
And that deserves an “Amen!”

So, gladness to you
And all you hold dear
This 2022
Why not? Together, let’s raise the cheer
For everyone around to hear.
Shout it out! Loud and clear!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!


Cross Your Fingers

Cross your fingers and say a prayer everyone. The New Year is right around the corner and, well, who knows what it’s going to be like. Usually, your first instinct is to hope. Hope the year will be better. Hope your dreams will be on your way or just hope that you’ll have a little bit of success. Yet, with 2020 and 2021 and all the COVID whatnot that’s still going on, it seems that everyone’s hesitating into the New Year. Instead of walking right in, we’re cracking open the door to take a peek to hopefully see what we’re getting ourselves into.

Unfortunately, no one can fully predict what the next year will be like. Everyone could have a paradise of a year, COVID could finally go away, or we could all be stung by radioactive bees and suddenly find ourselves in the world of superheroes. It sounds a little farfetched, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised. Regardless of what the New Year will bring, I hope you enjoyed your 2021 on some scale. A few weeks ago, I did a post on Where Has the Year Gone? I hope you take a look at it to help reflect on your 2021. Maybe it’ll inspire you to look forward to the New Year?

Allow me to be honest: I’m not exactly excited for the New Year. I want to be that person that stands up in front and says “Yeah! 2022 will be my year! You’ll see! My dream will come true! It’s gonna happen!” But, I felt that way last year and now I’m revising my entire novel…again. Don’t get me wrong, it needs these revisions and I’m excited for them, but it brings up that nagging in the back of my mind that maybe my novel will never be ready for publishing no matter how much I work on it. So, for 2022, I’m not setting high expectations. My New Year’s resolution is to just finish this current revision. I have to balance work and other stuff, so I’ve no idea how long this revision is going to take. Hopefully, it won’t take all year, but I could end up in a car crash and be in a coma for most of it so I’m giving myself plenty of wiggle room to get the draft done.

When it comes to 2022, I’m going to take it a step at a time. No high expectations. No long shot goals. And certainly no stressing over “Where do you see yourself in ten years” questions. I don’t care if that means I’m not ambitious. I’m going to go at my own pace and see where putting one foot in front of the other will get me. 2020 and 2021 have been…strange. So, why tempt 2022 into being even stranger?

So, that’s how I’m hesitating into 2022. You may be wanting to dive right into the New Year and good for you! However, if you’re like me and you’re not sure you want the New Year to come around, don’t feel bad about it. A new year means different things to different people and we’ve all got to go at our own pace. Your dream may come true or you may just be taking the next step toward it. Or, maybe you’re living the dream and you can just cruise into the New Year. Good for you! Well done! I only ask that you don’t judge the rest of us who are struggling to see those dreams come true. Times are…strange these days.

I hope you enjoy these last few days of 2021–may it be kind to you on its way out–and I hope you enjoy your 2022. May your dreams come true. May your health be well. May you read A LOT of good content (hopefully on this website). And may you not end up on the side of the road in a blizzard like I did January 1st, 2021.

Seasons greetings and I’ll see you in the New Year, my friends.

A Christmas Blessing

Merry Christmas to you and yours.
May this season bring you tidings of joy.
May your family be gathered around
And your face far from a frown.
May you get snow if you wish
And a loved one’s kiss.
May peace wrap you like a hug
And be sent from God above.
May you be the blessing of giving
No matter the cost of living.
May the Spirit hold your heart
That none can tear it apart.
May comparison be banished and doubt be ashamed.
And you be free from all hate, anger, and blame.
May the past not haunt you and the future be bright.
And may love always guide your sight.
Merry Christmas to you and all of your friends
May God keep you and bless you again and again.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

~Luke 2:8-14 (KJV)

Christmas at the Animal Shelter

Tis the season of joy. Of family gathered ’round.
The season of Christmas and–hopefully–snow on the ground.
We all have our traditions of laughter and fun.
That center around family, as warm as the sun.
Tis also the season, you think for a minute.
You want to extend your family a bit.
For the kids, for yourself, for whatever the reason.
You want something furry to add to this season.
A playful pup, or a tiny cat?
Maybe a hamster, a gerbil, or even a rat?
Many animals out there, they for a home.
So warm and cozy and all their own.
What a wonderful thing for an animal to find
A family who loves them all of the time.
The shelter is lonely and all boxed in.
When they go home, it’s a major win!
Yet, not every family is a perfect fit.
You shouldn’t adopt if you can’t commit.
A tiny puppy becomes a senior dog.
Who needs treatment and vaccines all the year long.
They don’t deserve the hope of a home
Only to be returned or left alone.
It’s surprising how most would come believe:
Better to be at home during this season of glee.
But when the season is over, their hearts are broken.
When you leave them at the shelter like a misplaced token.
You freed them! You’ve bonded! They want nothing but to please you!
And when you leave them, they turn a sad shade of blue.
If you can’t commit and take care of their needs.
Leave to shelter staff, they’ll take the lead.
It may be sad to think they’re all alone
During Christmas time, without a home.
But the shelter staff will take care of them right.
Every dog gets a present to last through the night.
Such love they’ll feel on Christmas Day,
From the staff that shows it in their special way.
Until the day they go home from then to forever,
Every moment with them, staff does treasure.
So, please, don’t adopt unless you’re legit.
For an animal’s love is completely worth it.

Writing Prompt: Sound the Alarm

Complete this thought: “I wish an alarm would notify me whenever…”

…I start to doubt. We’ve all been there. Suddenly finding ourselves in a season of hindrance, questioning our every move. And it’s all because of five letter word that even has us questioning how to spell it: doubt.

Doubt will sneak up on you like a slithering snake. You’re walking tall, sure of your steps and where you’re going in life and then something happens. Someone makes a comment. You don’t get that job interview. You lose a contest. Or maybe the bills go up. You think you brush it off, but that’s just the snake’s first coil around your legs. Next thing you know, something else happens. Someone doesn’t text back or answers your call. Your submission fell through. Something at work goes askew. Maybe you realize you haven’t been talking to some people as much as you use to? And doubt wraps another coil by saying they’re avoiding you. Instead of correcting the doubt, you step away and avoid the people you think don’t like you.

That’s how doubt gets you. It trips you up by making you isolate yourself. And when you’re alone, it pulls you down by filling your thoughts with what it wants you to hear: “you’re not good enough. No one likes you. You shouldn’t try. You’ll just fail.” And when you give in, it tightens it’s coils. You’ll have no room for motivation. No room for passion or to keep trying for dreams. Doubt will hold your heart captive and won’t even let you scream.

I wish an alarm would go off when doubt gets too close. I’d face the snake and cut off it’s head before a single word could hiss from it’s lips. Being wrapped in doubt is no way to live. It’s lonely. It’s dark. It leaves you timid as if every step you take is on ice about to crack. So, what do you do when you’re wrought with doubt? When it’s coils even cover your mouth? You could wait for someone to pull you out, but in today’s world, not many would notice. So, when doubt holds your tongue: bite down and bite down hard.

Sometimes, you’ve got to fight battles by yourself and be your own knight in shining armor. If you recognize your wrapped by doubt, fear, or any other form of Darkness, then steel your buns and fight your way out or fight your way to an ally. Don’t get me wrong, it sounds easy, but it’s not. When doubt realizes your fighting for freedom, it’ll try harder to hold you in place. When you try to admit your struggles to a friend, doubt will try to silence your tongue by telling you: “you’re bothering them. They don’t have time for you. They can’t help you. You’re just being dramatic.” Or it will release that automatic “I’m fine” when someone asks how you are. If you try to pursue your dream, it’ll remind you of your most recent failure to make you put it off and put it off indefinitely. But, you can choose to fight back! Admit your struggles to your friend. Take back the automatic reply and when failures come to mind, remind yourself what happens when you have victory.

In my experience, there are many ways doubt will try to hold you down, but it’s favorite scheme is by using lies. It’ll tell you you’re not important when you’re truly one of a kind. It’ll tell you no one likes you when you couldn’t be more loved. It’ll tell you you’re not good enough when your passion makes you worthy. It’ll tell you you’ll never succeed when there’s a plan for every life.

In my opinion, the best way to fight doubt is with truth. Remember what’s true and doubt will have a hard time arguing with you. Pull from your experiences if you have to. When I struggle with doubt, I remember a quiet time in the library. I was shelving books and was almost swallowed whole by doubt and Darkness. A prayer was my only defense and when I looked up, I saw hope. That hope was a promise I hold onto that the best days are yet to come.

Truth is quiet while lies are loud. So, you really have to listen to know and remember what’s true. Once you have that truth that you’re capable, you’re important, and you’re loved, speak it into existence. Have you ever tried to talk and think at the same time? It’s rather difficult and your words will usually get mixed up. So, imagine how hard it would be to listen to the thoughts of doubt when you’re speaking words of truth? Scream them if you have to just to shut that snake up. Doubt won’t be able to do a thing.

Yet, there’s still no physical alarm for when doubt comes to town. You have to be vigilant for yourself and others. Recognize when doubt slithers in and cut off it’s head as soon as it parts it’s lips. If you’re caught in doubt now, I encourage you to fight for freedom. It’ll be hard and the battle may be long, but victory is worth it. You’re worth it.

An Empty Chair

Such festivity fills the air!
When family comes from far and near.
To celebrate the Good News and hopeful New Year!
There’ll be chatter and catch ups and so much to hear.
A garage full of laughter and cheer.
Food’ll stretch the tables and let’s not forget the beer!
We’ll all be together, a large family, that’s clear.
And so far, by one, we grow each year.
Such bustling and busyness, let me be sincere
It gets hard to notice what’s not here.
There’s the tree, decorations, and bundles of winter gear.
Talk of sports, and dreams, and cousins furthering their careers.
Everything’s in place, there’s nothing to fear.
Except a brief mention that draws forth a tear.
Many families know and no one will sneer
at the grief that comes this time of year.
For some, it’s okay, we’ll all persevere
But for others that grief just only interferes.
With joy, and hope, and the festive frontier.
It’s hard to celebrate after someone disappears.
So, here’s to the hearts hollowed out like a sphere.
Here’s to the families laden with drear.
They set up a place, not tucked in the rear,
but somewhere everyone would have to adhere.
Pay respects and remember our loved ones with care
Those who should be sitting in that empty chair.