As a Fellow Knight

The city was alive with the King’s Festival when my companions and I arrived. Colorful banners were strung throughout the air. Music lifted spirits so high that my aching feet no longer felt sore. People of varying backgrounds crowded the streets. I can’t remember the last time we came to the city. My companions and I had been in the forest for what feels like forever, cleaning out the monsters that attack innocents on the road. When we heard about the King’s Festival, we thought it would be good to take a break from the nightly terrors and relax within the city’s safe walls.

My name is Naviro. I am a warrior who favors a sword. My companions are Aledon and Dionna. Aledon is a witch doctor. He favors dark magic and has quite the assortment of bones on his outfit. It’s his ram’s skull cane that he uses to cast all his magic. Normally, I wouldn’t be keeping company with a greedy man like him, but he owes me for keeping him out of prison and he can make good use of the remains of the monsters we slay. Dionna is a dragon fanatic. She tags along in the hopes that we’ll run into one someday. She knows all the rumors, all the facts, and all the theories about the great beasts, so I know she’ll be the expert someday. She doesn’t favor any weapon except her mean, right hook and she certainly has the big bones to back her up.

We pause just inside the gate. I usually don’t like coming into town. The people here are coarse, rude, and nobles are often down right arrogant. They see a woman dressed in armor like myself and they scoff. Out in the woods, people don’t care who’s coming as long as you’re coming to the rescue. Yet, I suppose it was the festival that sent all my begrudging’s away. The streets smelled like ale, sweets, and the mingles of people from all over the kingdom. There was a lightness in the air. Maybe this wasn’t a bad idea after all?

“So, where shall we start?” Dionna placed her hands on her hips. There was a twinkle in her eyes as she watched the crowds. “I say, we head to the tavern. I could use a good, right ale instead of that swill we get traded in the forest.”

“I’d prefer stopping by the apothecary’s and alchemist’s myself.” Aledon rested his hand on his cane. A thin smile curled his lips when he eyed the passing people. I couldn’t tell if he was eyeing the coin purses hangings from hips or the potential victims to test his new spells on. “And perhaps the lower market as well.”

“The lower market is off limits,” I cut him off sternly. “There’s nothing but thieves and poachers down there. I refuse to support something so dishonorable.” He rolled his eyes and nodded anyway.

“Well, up toward the castle is the library.” Dionna changed the subject. “I bet we could find some good readin’ to help us along. I could look for any new information on the dragons, Aledon, I’m sure they have a restricted section you could break into, and Naviro, you could check the knights’ records again.”

Aledon rolled his eyes again. “As if she needs to brush up on the Code of Chivalry. What was it again? Fear God. Serve in valor and faith. Protect the weak. Speak truth. Live by honor? Swamp gas! I think I know the whole thing by now!”

I gave him a hard stare. “Do not mock me, Aledon.”

He gave me a toothy smirk. “Be at ease, sweet Naviro. I only jest! I know you’d be a knight if only the noble court would allow it.”

I shook my head to dismiss the conversation. We were here to enjoy the festival, not dwell on forbidden dreams. I’d been a warrior all my life–even as a child. My father was a humble farmer and my mother a kind innkeeper. I saw many a people come through our inn and I learned a lot by observing them: stories from the road, how to fight, even how to cheat and pickpocket. Yet, it was always the knights that came through our inn that earned my admiration. They were always kind to my parents and they defended those wrongfully caught up in the bar fights. And they won. They always won. I remember a night when I was allowed to sit with them as they shared a supper. Sir Duncan, the Defender, knight of this very realm, taught me the Code of Chivalry and what a knight stands for. When I told them I would become a knight, they laughed. Told me a little girl could never be a knight.

But, I’m stubborn and someday I’ll prove them wrong. “Let’s stop by the tavern so Dionna can get her drink then head toward the library,” I told my companions. “We might pass the apothecary and the alchemists on the way. Don’t be surprised if they refuse you, Aledon.”

He easily shrugged. “If they do, Dionna could buy the materials I need for me—with my money!” He added quickly to avoid a hard stare from both of us.

I remembered something else I didn’t like about the city as my companions and I set off. I hate how crowded cities are and with the festival going on, the crowds are much worse. I had people bumping into my pauldrons, cutting in front of me, and screaming into my ear as they hollered for someone across the way. Had I been a real knight, they would be backing out of the way to let me pass, but no. Instead, I’m a woman in ragged, leather armor. I might as well be some rogue, barbarian, huntress to them.

Dionna ended up having to take the lead. With the greatest girth out of the three of us, she could part a crowd with words or muscle. Plus, I don’t think the King himself could keep her from getting that fresh ale.

I tried to dwell more on the festival’s excitement than the suffocating crowd. Fairies played panpipes overhead. A firedancer twirled his flames to the rhythm of pounding drums. Children were sparing with wooden swords. Artisans proudly displayed their crafts of woven wares, pottery, blacksmithing, and leatherwork. We got distracted at nearly every store. Dionna bought herself a metal mug with a dragon engraving the same time she bought her ale, Aledon bought new potion bottles since he broke a few during our last fight, and I was turned down from many leatherworkers when I asked for repairs to my armor. They all believed woman shouldn’t be fighting. It didn’t matter, though. All three of us knew how to repair leather armor. We just needed to purchase the supplies. I gave Aledon the money and he went back into the leatherworker’s shop to buy them.

“The downright disrespect!” Dionna huffed right next to me. We leaned against the side of the shop as we waited for Aledon. “You could best any man in town in a duel and I bet they’d still say you couldn’t fight! Men and they’re burnt pride, I swear!”

“It doesn’t matter.” I kept my arms crossed and just stared into the crowd. Unfortunately, just because you have a sword hanging at your hip, that doesn’t mean people will respect it. “Once we’re done here, we’ll be back in the woods and doing good works. Things will go back to normal. Maybe we could go beyond the woods and towards the mountains. Help you find your dragon?”

“Aye, that’ll be something.” Dionna smirked. “But ye sure ye just ain’t trying to get further away from this place?”

“I’m sure I once promised you I’d help you find a dragon and this is me trying to keep up to that promise.” I hardened my tone so she’d drop the conversation. She took the hint and just shrugged before taking another swig of her ale.

I couldn’t help but drift my gaze up toward the castle of the King. It stood in great, bold majesty against the blue sky. Sentries posed from its walls in vigilant watch of the horizon. The festival definitely livened it up with the banners and colors that billowed in the wind. I was trying to imagine what its insides might look like when a parade of banners cut through the crowded streets. They headed from the castle to the courts. Each bannerman raised their voice so that the crowds would draw their attention to the streamer they carried. The crowd roared with cheers when might of trumpets lifted a fanfare into the air. My heart suddenly soared. “The Royal Joust!” I pulled off the wall. “Dionna, we have to see it!”

“Watch grown men get knocked on their knickers?” Dionna frowned behind her mug. “No thank you.”

“It’s a test of skill in combat,” I argued. “The knights have to practice somehow for potential war against other kingdoms. No one’s going to get hurt.”

“Those horses might with how hard the knights treat them,” Dionna huffed. “Those poor creatures deserve better.”

“The horses are trained to handle a joust.” I clasped my hands together. I wasn’t above begging. “Dionna, please? I’ll get the chance to finally see the knights’ skills up close.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Fine. But I’ll need another ale.”  

Aledon wasn’t too pleased when I dragged him from the leatherworker’s shop and toward the list field. The crowds thickened the closer we got. I wanted to find us a good seat with a good view of the whole field. I’ve not had much of a chance to ride a horse, so watching these jousts would be a good way for me to study the horsemanship of real knights and the best techniques in a joust.

Our seats were mediocre. We had witches to the right, faire maidens in front of us, and barbarians behind us. Dionna had her refill of ale and Aledon began chatting with the man on his other side. I had a good view of the entire lists and that’s all I cared about it. The squires were warming up the horses all colored in beautiful caparisons. The Horse Master was directing the ground crew and grooms while a jester distracted the waiting crowd. Up in the noble court, lords were finding their seats and the Ladies Court was like a chittering flock of sparrows swooning over the knights they had favors for. I rolled my eyes and focused on understanding the set up.

Dionna then nudged my arm and motioned to some people around us. She loved to do that: people watch. It honestly surprised me when I saw the people she motioned too. They were wood elves. All covered in foliage and flowers, I’ve never known wood elves to enter a city. That only made me look around even more. There were fauns, satyrs, fairies, and elves of all kinds from all over the realm. Wenches even rallied by the lists posts and the village simpleton was clapping along with the music of violins. It’s amazing how the Royal Joust brings people together.

“Excuse me, m’lady.” My observations were cut off when a squire in black and violet suddenly sat down in front of me. “Would you be so kind as to take this favor?” They held out a ragged assortment of black, violet, and gold fabric. Likely, it was something they threw together from spare pieces.

I paused. “I beg your pardon?”

“Would you take this favor?” The squire pressed again. “Would you take it and offer it to Sir Gavin when he rides out? It would be an honor for you and him and I know he would appreciate one coming from you–as a fellow knight.”

Aledon stifled a laugh and Dionna hit him for it. I shook my head, but I was caught off guard by the squire’s last four words. I hadn’t heard of this Sir Gavin. “Sir Gavin doesn’t have any ladies of the court swooning to give him their favors?”

The squire lightly winced. “No…m’lady. He is not…in the good graces of the court.”

A knight who wasn’t in the good graces of the court and whose colors were the color of death and the color of royalty? Everything about this should’ve been a warning for me to not take the favor. Yet, the squire had a good-hearted nature. They didn’t want their knight embarrassed by having no favors to claim. Besides, this would be my chance to get a closer look at a knight’s armor and lance. “It would be my honor,” I told the squire.

The squire left all cheery eyed and I had the favor resting in my lap, but on my either side Aledon and Dionna were snickering. “’As a fellow knight’ was that the glaze that buttered you up?” Aledon nudged my side. “That squire must be a simpleton to not know ladies are forbidden to be knights!”

“Not forbidden!” I snapped at him quickly. “There’s just not been a noble: knight or otherwise to support a lady knight.”

“I think I’ve heard of Sir Gavin.” Dionna donned a teasing twinkle in her eye. “He’s one of the best! Maybe after the joust, he’ll let you see his lance up close?” I ignored that comment.

“We’ll see what kind of knight he is when he comes out.”

It wasn’t much longer until the King’s fanfare was sounded, majestic trumpets echoing through the lists. They announced the King and his queen and tournament was quickly underway. It was hard to not get caught up in the excitement of the sport. I knew some of the knights that were introduced, picked out who seemed more honorable, and silently cheered for them. Dionna got up to fetch herself another ale at one point and Aledon found amusement in pointing and laughing at the knights that hit the dirt.

The crowds cheered at every pass. The hooves of the horses thundered upon the ground and the clash of lances striking shields rang through the air. There were only a few requests for Mercy’s Pass, but the sport went on without a hitch.

“Of our next two knights!” The Knight Marshal, the joust mediator, raised his hands as he walked the center of the lists. The previous victor rode off and the loser was limping away from aches and pains. Throughout the day I was impressed how the marshal moved things along so smoothly. “You will know this first one well, good people! He rides in the colors of emerald and gold! He once saved an entire orphanage from a devastating fire!”

“Why is it always an orphanage?” Aledon whispered to me in light annoyance. “Most every story you hear about noble knights involves an orphanage. Makes me wonder if knights just stake out orphanages and wait for something bad to happen to them.”

“Don’t be rude,” I frowned at him, but Aledon just shrugged.

“I’m just saying.”

“Known for his honor and might!” The Knight Marshal continued. “And our champion many years running! I give you: Sir Duncan, the Defender!”

I perked up as the knight came riding out. He had a black stallion wearing a green and gold caparison and he raised his matching lance high. The crowd cheered like victory had already been seized. Sir Duncan was older than when I last saw him as a little girl. His hair and beard were gray and his face was seasoned from the many trials of combat he partook in. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he took a lap around the lists. He was the one who got me hooked on the Code of Chivalry, but then laughed when I wanted to become a knight. I almost wish I was the one challenging him. Though I know nothing about how to joust, at least we’d be on the field at equal footing. I’m conflicted on whether or not I want to cheer for him.

“His challenger comes from our neighboring kingdom!” The Knight Marshal waited for the cheers to die down before he continued. “He rides in the colors of purple and black and is known for his ferociousness in battle! He once slain an entire encampment of warriors all under the cover of night!”

I furrowed my brow. Under the cover of night? Did that mean he didn’t face his enemies head on? He didn’t give them the respect of a fair fight? He didn’t slay them in their sleep, did he? With those questions and knowing the knight’s color, I felt a sense of dread coil up in my stomach. I glanced down at the favor in my lap.

“Good people, I give you: Sir Gavin!”

Of course, I inwardly groaned while the whole of the crowd around me cheered. Sir Gavin came riding out on a black stallion with a black and purple caparison. Sir Gavin, himself, was armored in the same colors. He held his fist high—his squire carrying his lances behind him. The knight’s red hair blew back by the wind and his beard was thick and short around his pointed jaw. He smirked in welcoming acceptance of the crowd’s cheers and I know I saw an arrogant gleam in his eyes. I think I see why the Noble Court doesn’t like him.

The two knights made a couple passes to test the field before the Knight Marshal stepped forward once again. “Sir Duncan, how do you find this field?”

“I find it suitable for this fair sport!” Sir Duncan sat tall, cheery eyed, and no doubt excited to participate. He gave a knowing look to the crowd. “And suitable for my victory!”

Alright, both knights were a little arrogant, but I suppose Sir Duncan has the right since he’s been the champion the past couple years.

“And Sir Gavin, how do you find this field?”

“It will fair well enough.” The way Sir Gavin led his horse in a sauntering walk got under my skin. He eyed Sir Duncan. “For bloodshed!”

A gasp parted my lips while the ruffians around me cheered like maniacs. How could he say such a thing at a Royal Joust?!

“Need you be reminded, Sir Gavin, that the King’s law decrees no blood is to be spilled upon this field.” The Knight Marshal shot the younger knight a look of warning.

“Yes. Yes. I only jest!” Sir Gavin gave a lighthearted shrug of dismissal. “But as the King also knows: accidents happen.” More of the crowd cheered and I was liking this knight less and less by the second.

“Careful, Sir Gavin, that you not soil your honor!” Sir Duncan’s expression was hardened with disapproval.

“Care you not soil your breeches, old man!” Sir Gavin replied.

“If the knights find this field acceptable, we shall proceed!” The Knight Marshal raised his voice to cease any further jabs from the two knights. “Seek your favors from the Ladies in Waiting, good sirs!”

Dionna and Aledon each nudged me teasingly and I inwardly groaned. Was I really going to give a favor to a knight like Sir Gavin? How could I support someone who so blatantly shows disrespect? Yet, I wanted a closer look at his armor. I may not be a metal worker, but I could certainly make an attempt. Leather armor only does so much after all.

I got up and moved closer to the lists. Sir Gavin was circling the outer edge when he spotted me. Never mind the ragged favor in my hand, he looked me straight up and down and a smirk cross his lips. “And who might you be?” He asked in a rather annoying and charming way.

“My name is Naviro.” I replied. Knowing I was being watched by half the crowd, my heart thundered. “And I offer you this favor for a safe joust.” I don’t even remember slipping it on the lance. I had been looking at him the entire time. “Do not make me regret this.”

“Oh?” His expression lit up with intrigue at my words. He smirked again. “I assure you, I won’t.”

I only responded with a curt nod. I didn’t exactly know what else to say. It wasn’t my place to remark on the way he acted so far and it wasn’t like he was going to listen to me anyway. I stepped away from him and returned to my seat. I didn’t look back until I sat down and he had already moved on to a pair of wenches trying to offer their feather duster to him as a favor.

I sighed. I think I already regret giving him that favor. But, we’ll certainly see when the knights make their first pass.

To Be Continued…

The Writing Struggle

Every writer has a least favorite type of scene to write. Some writers don’t like writing dialogue. Others don’t like the romantic bits. As for me? Well, one of my least favorite types of scenes to write are battle scenes.

Battle scenes and other various action sequences bring out my reluctant groan! “But Nikki, you said you were writing a medieval fantasy. Doesn’t that include battles?” Yes. “But Nikki, you mentioned a scifi involving bounty hunters. Won’t that have battles in it?” Why, yes. It’ll have a lot. “But Nikki, peek in all you idea journals. A lot of those plots involve fighting!” You are very right. I just like to torture myself, okay?

All joking aside, sometimes a writer’s favorite type of genre will involve something they don’t like writing. The answer as to why we don’t like writing those scenes is fairly simple: we’re terrified of messing them up.

Think about the fight scene, for example. If you have two characters going at it, you gotta be able to consider their capabilities, endurance, and the flow of the fight. You have to be able to blend in the action without leaving too much to summary. When I go back and read my novel, I like to think I have great fighting scenes. It makes me think I’m pretty good at them…until I try to write a new one. Like at lunch the other day. I’ve been working on the sequel to my novel; however, I’m stuck at a big fight revolving around my main character. Now, I’d like to think that I could just get the final draft down on paper and be done with it, but unfortunately, no one is that good of a writer. So, in my first draft, I end up skipping over a lot of the action sequences. I focus on the dialogue in the fight and the characters’ intentions–yes, I know. A lot of fights don’t involve dialogue, but I enjoy characters screaming witty comebacks at each other as they try to cut each other’s throats.

Long story short: my fight scenes take a LOT of rough drafts before they become the nicely flowing scenes in my fingers-crossed-someday-to-be-published novel. So, what are some tips to getting through those reluctant-I-don’t-want-to-write-it scenes? Well, check these out:

  • Don’t try to make it perfect on the first go–it’s just not going to happen
  • Focus on your character’s intentions, feelings, and personality as it’ll influence their actions
  • Make it fun so you enjoy it (like adding witty dialogue. You can always cut this stuff out later)
  • Think about your setting. If you’re in a fight scene, what can your characters manipulate to their advantage?
  • What are your stakes? What happens if your character doesn’t win the fight or doesn’t woo the lady?

One of the most important things to remember is not lose your flow. When I write, I find myself stopping a lot and just staring at the screen, or looking away, or throwing my head in my hands because I don’t know the perfect words to write next. So, the best thing you can do is not search for the perfect words. You’ll spend too much time trying to find them that you’ll lose your motivation for the scene. When you get to a point you’re stuck at bracket it: []. Use brackets to summarize what you want to happen in this part then move on. You’re going to be editing anyway, so might as well save that bit for later. I like to build an outline format as I write and fill in the details later. Like this outtake from my recent rough draft (keep in mind, it is a rough draft. I will also be using Villain and Ally in the place of other characters names to avoid spoilers):

“It is inferior to what I am!” Villain strikes back, but Justin deflects. “I am the descendant of legends and glory! What could a mere object have compared to I?! It will bow to me! All things will!” Villain flicks his gaze up past Justin and a vicious smirk shifted in his eyes. He raised his weapon and disappeared.

“What?!” Justin started back. He whirled around, scanning the battlefield for Villain, but there was nothing but the clash of crystal and flesh in the midst of the ice and snow. Then, a cry came from the top of the frozen waterfall. Villain had his weapon pressed against Ally’s throat and he back him up to to the edge of the waterfall. “How did he–?!” Justin cut himself off and he bolted for the waterfall. Villain’s intention was to throw Ally over, Justin didn’t need to be a genius to know that. He just hoped he was able to do something before Ally’s body impacted the ice.

[Justin saves Ally and makes it up to the waterfall cavern. Description. Villain is in a fight with Ally #2. Ally #2 is losing.]

“You’re the last thing in my way from total control!” Villain laughs manically, bearing over Ally #2. “With your death, your people will be mine to harvest for parts! Once your precious little eggs hatch, your kind will be nothing but animals raised for slaughter!”

“The only animal around here is you, Villain!” Justin shouts in anger. “Leave these people alone!”

[Begin the final one-on-one fight between Justin and Villain. Make it EPIC]

Like I said: a rough draft. Who even knows if I’ll stick with this dialogue or sequence, but rough drafts are important for helping you shape the story. When you stick all the pieces together you can see what’s working and what isn’t and what you need to fix. It’s important to not get discouraged whenever you reach the scenes that aren’t your favorite to write. They might need a little more marinating than other scenes, but if you keep at it, you’ll get there. You just gotta overcome the writer’s struggle.

I Like Me

A coworker was recently telling me about an idea she wanted to do around our workspace. It’s to bring in a poster board, decorate the edges of it, and then hang it up on the wall. Then, everyone on the team and anyone who comes into our area can write on it. Now, they wouldn’t just write any old thing. They’d write something that they liked about themselves. Usually, a board like that would be for people to write their favorite things about each other, but it’s a lot harder to write something you like about yourself. My coworker proceeded to tell me that when she was discussing the idea out with others, it really made them pause and think. And one had the bold bluntness to say that they didn’t like anything about who they were. Thing is…I find that hard to be true.

Everyone has to like something about themselves. Big or small.

Yet, when it comes down to it, it’s a really puzzling question. What do you like about yourself? Do you like your looks? Your attitude? Your hobbies or personality? Are there any traits you have that you would consider honorable? Small habits that you do that you enjoy? It can be something so simple as “I like that my eye has a spot in it” or something deeper like “I like that I can stand up for others.” Or something innocent like “I like how I hum while I work.”

I started thinking about my coworker’s question after she walked away. What do I like about myself? A couple years ago, I’d probably tell you that I didn’t like much. Yet, pondering it now, I can think of quite a few things I like about me.

I like that I’m taller than the average height. I like that my hair is long and curly and gets sun kissed at the ends because I wear a hat all the time. I like to think that I’m physically strong and someone anyone can go too for help. I like that I’ve grown a lot this past year in leadership qualities and boldness. I like that I’m busting out of my timid nature. I like that I’m quiet and observant and I love that I’m a daydreamer. I like that I’m a writer, an artist, an animal lover, and that I have a calm disposition. I like that I have hobbies and that I’m a total geek over my favorite games. I like that I can see the good in people and default to giving them the benefit of the doubt. I guess what I’m saying is…

I like me.

Now, nobody’s perfect. I’m certainly not, but you’ve gotta be able to see those good qualities in yourself. What’s that saying? Love yourself? And don’t the shrinks say that’s healthy? I’m sure everyone can find one thing they like about themselves and improve on it. If you can’t find something you like about yourself. Then that just means you have something to work on. You can’t grow or improve something you don’t like. You’ll have no effort for it.

So, if you’re struggling to say those three little words of “I like me.” Then ask yourself: “Why not?” Why don’t you like yourself? Is it your appearance? If so, change it up. Give yourself a make-over. You may not be able to do anything about your height, but you can always find a style that helps you like your height. If you don’t like yourself because of your weight, then get out and exercise. That’s something you can do something about. Then, there’s the thought of maybe what you don’t like is deeper? Maybe you don’t like being timid or you fear you talk too much. Make it a point to take baby steps to bravery or focusing on listening over talking. If you don’t like your habits, then change them. If there’s something you don’t like about yourself, work on it until you do.

Now, this is definitely easier said than done. It took me a while to get the courage to stand up and try to be a leader and when it came down too it, I didn’t have the courage. There was no way I had the courage to ease into stepping up, because that allowed fear of not being good enough to slow me down. So, I just held my breath and dived in. And I’m getting better. It’s not hard anymore to be the one to give instructions. Do the difficult stuff no one else wants to do. I mean, sometimes all it takes is 10 seconds of courage and once you’re in, might as well go deep. But it took time for me. It took YEARS. Because when I was a kid, I was the last person to step out and step up.

It may take years for you too. It may take many attempts to change what you don’t like into something that you do. I just hope you never give up and when you stumble and fall, you get right back in the race. Then, when your coworker asks you to write down something that you like about yourself maybe you’ll come to the conclusion I did. Maybe you’ll discover a whole new perspective and many things you like about yourself. I certainly hope you do.

I certainly hope you say: “I like me.”

One Year Anniversary!

You know what’s super exciting to think about? Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary for my website! For an entire year, I’ve been uploading two posts a week! Now, whether or not I’ll be able to continue doing that is up in the air, but I hope you’ll take a moment with me to just be proud about how the past year’s been.

When I started this website–I’ll be honest–I had no idea what I was doing. I just heard that literary agents want aspiring authors to have a platform/following and most authors achieve that by starting their own website. With this and a bit of research, nikkidiekemper.com was born–sooner than expected.

Sooner than expected? Yeah, there’s a funny story behind that. You see, when I was building this website, I didn’t tell anyone. I crafted it in secret and I didn’t really want anyone to know about it. It’s kinda intimidating to think that people I know would get the chance to read my work. Strangers aren’t a big deal, but thinking about the people I know puts a lot of pressure on. I mean, maintaining a website is a tall order! And what if people DON’T like my work? In a couple of days, I had my website all ready for launch. There was content. There was pictures, book reviews, and art. I still needed an author photograph, but that would come with time. All I had to do was hit the button and watch my website put itself out there, but I didn’t.

For a couple of days, I didn’t. I convinced myself that it wasn’t done. It wasn’t ready. I forgetting something. It had to be perfect. Recently, I watched a movie called Letters to Juliet and there was a line in there that struck me. A fact checker wanted to be a writer, but she never submitted any of her work. While she’s out on a hunt for someone’s Romeo, her love interest reads over the current story she’s writing. He ends up telling her that she’s a fantastic writer and she has everything she needs to pursue her dream. So why doesn’t she do it? Her answer is that she never feels like its finished and she’s sort of a perfectionist. The guy’s response is “You know that’s just another way of saying ‘I’m a chicken’?”

That’s what I was doing with my website. I was putting off launching it because I was scared and I wouldn’t even admit it to myself. Then, a day came that I was working on updating one of the pages. It was actually the very same day I started my current job. After editing, I clicked a button to save my work…Well, turns out that button wasn’t what I thought it was. My work was saved–thankfully, but my website was also launched.

I was horrified! I remember sitting there at the computer in shock and wondering if it’s possible to un-launch a website. And, of course, then came the avalanche of thoughts. You know the kind where one little thing gets to you and you’re suddenly swept away in a torrent of anxiousness of “what ifs” and “buts” and “why’s?” I don’t know how to un-launch a website, so instead, I just read everything over again to make sure it was alright. For the first couple months, my site didn’t get a lot of views and that’s because I didn’t know how to put it out there. It’s not as popular as an impatient person like me would like, but you know what? I’m still pretty proud of it. I hope to keep up the written work and I can’t wait to see how things turn out in the end.

Please, allow me to extend my gratitude to everyone who’s followed my site this past year, couple months, or even just a few days. It means a lot to know that people like and read my work. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I promise to do my best to keep up the content.

Writing Prompt: A Haunted House

Include the following words: silver, relativity, watercolor, Copper Beech, limited, affect, broccoli, politician, arsenal, cufflink

The silver light of a full Moon casts an eerie halo upon the mansion. The night is partly cloudy, a hazy blend of blues and blacks like a watercolor mural. A lazy breeze brings the shiver of chills down the spine and the branches of the copper beach sway and cackle together like the drop of old bones.

The mansion itself is falling apart. Rotted wood lines the porch, creaking even with the faintest weight. It overshadows the night with towers standing taller than trees. Bats flutter in the holes in the walls. The foundation’s split and leaning. No one knows the history of the hollow mansion. Some believe it belonged to an ancient politician, but if you hear the tales, you know it belongs to a vampire.

There’s limited evidence that the stories are true, but one brave soul got out alive. He entered that mansion on the line between courage and foolishness. Dust layered the floor like snow and furniture appears like ghosts in way the dim light reflected off their covered sheets. A grand staircase welcomed the man, carved in gold and marble with oak railings rotting away with neglect. Atop the stairs stood an extravagant organ. Ivory keys gleaming like stars and lined finely by the ebony above them. Gold and obsidian blended together in the towering pipes that stretched above, defining the laws of relativity.

The man was tempted to play, drawn by the organ’s magnificence. He watched his own hands reach for the keys. Like a spell affected him, he could not pull away. The beautiful instrument was its own arsenal to take down intruders. Then the screech happened.

An ear splitting shriek filled the air. The man was broken from his spell, covering his ears in desperate attempt to keep them from bleeding. The vampire attacked from behind, but then recoiled from the man like a child avoiding broccoli. Believing the old tales, the man wore a string of garlic around his neck He shoved past the vampire, fleeing for his very life.

No one believed him upon returning to town, but he had his proof in hand. When he shoved the vampire, he stole a little trinket from the monster’s wrist: the vampire’s cufflink.

Writing Project: Not According to Plan

I’d like to share a writing project I once wrote in 2013. I’m not entirely sure the details of the project anymore, but I like to think it’s a pretty good story!

A gun, a shot, a rope, a chaos of confusion, my buddies and I had it all planned out. Buy the masks, steal the van, borrow the guns, and rob the bank shooting as little as possible. Ed was the driver, Buster and Mac the force, and I was the skinny hide that grabbed all the money. We barged in the place, barred the doors, and before long we were tied with ropes. The security guard was already dead, the people were already on the floor, and the money was moving out of the vaults. I had raised my gun at the other robbers when two came from behind us, Buster and Mac were knocked out cold, and I was tied and shoved to the floor. They looked like professionals, but I wasn’t going to let that keep me from getting the money I was so bent on stealing. Using the knife in my back pocket I discreetly cut myself free. The professionals left my gun on one of bank teller desks; they were too focused on the people trying to call 911 to care about a twig-man like me.

               Once free, I slowly started toward the gun, acting as it I was trying to get to Buster and Mac while still tied up. The professionals shouted to each other, rushing each other; the big one was threatening to kill a citizen—I was ready to lay a bunch of lead into him. I jumped up to get the gun right as the big guy looked at me. Like a Texas standoff I shot the muscle out of him. People screamed. His buddies went for or raised their weapons, but I’m a war veteran, angry and poor. I took them out, one shot each. When the last one hit the ground I dropped my gun, I could hear the sirens coming from outside. Taking off my mask and throwing it to the ground I unbarred the doors to meet the police. They raised their guns but a quick flash of my badge put them to rest. I quickly explained the situation to the detective, warned him about my buddies still knocked out in the bank and listed the number of hostages and dead-heads. The undercover operation wasn’t perfect, but it got the professionals caught.

Writing Prompt: Precious Item

Your character has a special item that they now lost. What does it mean to them and how did they lose it?

The world must run. Escape to as far as you can go and pray that you’ve gone far enough. I was born cursed. Armageddon is quite literally my middle name. The day I was born, the priests say the skies split open. A ravenous storm hailed down on our little town and the elven family at the end of our street was swept away in the flood that followed. I’m told there was a prophecy foretelling my coming. I would bring the end of the world and we all know how people love to believe in prophecies.

When I cry, the ground shakes. When I scream, the wind picks up. My frustrations lead to destruction and I actually enjoyed watching things break. I’m the one who made the canyon outside of town after all. It’s become quite the beautiful sight, but the townsfolk named it death.

You could say the old wizard who lived in the forest saved us. With his spells and magic power, he crafted a book to keep my destructive desires away. My parents read it to me every night, morning, and midday. When I could read on my own, I was to read the book in my downtime. Reading it calmed me and after time, I found myself not wanting to break things. My evil desires were tamed. I learned to create. I learned simple chores. I learned how to be a normal person and I did enjoy that. The town won’t let me forget, but with my book, I’m sane.

Now, my book is gone.

By some childish jest or godly interference, I cannot say. It was here and then gone the next. Only a day has passed and I feel the yearning to destroy aching at my brain. I’ve already demolished the dwarves’ shed. A groan of frustration and fretfulness and the boards splintered like fragmented bones. The weight of the ore inside brought the whole thing to a crashing pile of dust and the scent never smelled so sweet. My father got me out of there before I could be tempted to do more.

I can’t stop thinking about it. The cracking sounds it made echoes in my ears. It was just a shed. Just a shed. What harm did I even do? They needed to rebuild it anyway! What if I just found little things? Things that needed to be fixed like the rancher’s fence or the apothecary’s stone bench. I bet I could make it fall apart like dust.

No. I tighten my grip on my knees. All I can do is hide in the corner of my room. Hold myself hostage so I can’t go out and give in to the Armageddon within me. I want my book. I need my book. I can’t even remember what it used to say! I’ve had it for years and now that I need it, the words on it pages slip from my mind. This isn’t fair! I didn’t ask to be cursed! I didn’t ask to bring the end of the world!

The world. Who cares about the world anyway? The world is cruel. Cruel that schoolmates throw rocks and mock me. Cruel that the priests’ eyes watch me with hate. Cruel that no one will be friends with me. Cruel that my sanity relies on a stupid book! Cruel since my parents aren’t even here trying to help me hold myself together!

Maybe it is time to say goodbye to this cruel world? I could end it all. Watch it fall apart. What beauty would be in that raging chaos? How exhilarating it would be to watch the world break. The floorboards crack beneath me and the splinters make me smile.

The world must run. I won’t let it escape.

Veil of Exhaustion

What do you do at the end of the day,
When exhaustion has stolen all passion away?
There’s hobbies to do, dreams to be chased.
Yet you’re too tired to finish the race.
You give and you give and you give some more.
Scrubbing all kennels and rinsing the floor.
Hard work is your nature, you give to the end,
Yet when the day is done, you’re nothing but spent.
The dreams are on the shelves. Stuck on the back burner.
You can’t get yourself to write a page turner.
Where is the passion? Where is the purpose?
Where is the reason that makes your life worth it?
Yet, then comes the whisper from around your neck.
A symbol of faith tells you “you’re not a wreck.”
Hold on. Keep running. You can finish the race.
Passion will return and your dreams make the pace.
This season will pass. You’ll be out of the darkness.
Despite what you feel, your life has purpose.

Tribute to the Shelter Pet

Thursday was a very special day for animal shelters everywhere. It’s something called “Remember Me Thursday.” And it’s a special day where we remember and honor the lives of animals who didn’t make it out of the shelter. Animals who were euthanized for behavior reasons or medical reasons. Animals who never found their forever home and family. In their memory, I wrote this poem.

With every tear and every drop,
My heart just wants to stop.
To care so deeply and try so hard
For it not be enough at the flip of a card.
Your life cut short. You’ve gone away.
The rainbow bridge won’t let you stay.
How is fair that others have
hundreds of days to escape the sad?
Yet, yet the bites are too much, a condemnation.
There’s nothing to be done. No way for redemption.
Surely, you were just excited. It wasn’t your fault.
You just wanted a home to treasure like a vault.
But who out there wants a dog with history

That no training could hide or make mystery.
But what family, I think, just lost their chance
to fall in love with you at first glance.
To brush your soft fur and give you attention.
And make you the center of all their affection.
How many more, like you, never got to see
a home to belong and be carefree?
No more stress, no more shelter, no more behavior mods.
Just hugs and pets and fetch on the sod.
If I had my way, you’d all go home.
And no one’s heart would be turned to stone.
So, here’s to the animals who never found
The greatest place to be around.
Not the shelter, not the pound, or any other calamity.
Here’s to those who didn’t get a family.

Each pawprint here is a dog whose story I’ve been a part of since my time working at a shelter. There are more dogs that we’ve lost than the ones featured in this photo. Each one were amazing and sweet canines who lost the battle against shelter stress. Only a few were put down for medical reasons.

The dog featured in this post was named Nelly. She had a lot of energy and a hard mouth that ended her on a bite hold. She loved to be loved and play with stuffed toys. She and another dog named Penelope were euthanized on 9/22/2021. A day before Remember Me Thursday.

Those You Don’t Forget

Written October 2013

Best Friend:

            With a pouty face she turns to me and holds out her unopened screw-off water bottle. I let out a laugh seeing her face and in one easy movement I take the bottle and open it for her, “Thanks,” she mutters quickly glancing around for that one guy who can’t pick on her enough for her not being able to open the plastic thing.

            “Can’t you open it on your own yet?” I tease as I turn to open my band locker.

            “It’s harder than it looks!” she lets out defensively.

            “Uh huh.” I raised my eye-brow at her, knowing she hated it when I did that.

            “Oh, come on! We gotta go.” She snapped before snatching the flute from her own locker and heading for the door.

            I chuckled as I grabbed my flute out of my locker and hurried after her.

*****

First Rival:

            The battle was intense, fiery, and flooding. I had just lost my great avian to his overpowered fire blast, my bubble jet and seed dinosaur were down and out, but they had taken down two of his monsters as well. I was down to my final two. Throwing out my powerful shellfish I was able to knock out his flying flame, but his next monster took out my precious shellfish. I was down to my last one. My fists were clenched in anger; I hated to lose, especially to him. When I looked up at him I could see the victorious smirk spread across his face, this had to be our thousandth battle, but this would be the first time I would win. Looking back down at my gaming device I threw out my last monster; it was a genetic monster that was given to me by our oldest brother. He knew how much I lost so he lent me his most powerful monster in order to take victory for myself.

            “Where did you get that?!” he exclaimed seeing my secret weapon.

            My turn to smirk, “From a friend.” An ally more like it.

            His face turned to a hard frown, “That’s cheating.”

            “No it’s not!” I snapped, “He’s just like all the rest!”

            “He’s a legendary; you’re supposed to be using your own!”

            “Maybe he is my own!” Yeah that was a lie, I had to give this one back after the battle.

            His brow furrowed further, “Yeah right.”

            “Can we just finish this?!”

            This was it, my final, borrowed monster  against his remaining monsters, only victory was on the line.

*****

Four-legged Friend:

            My hands gripped the cross made out of twigs and grass tightly as they laid her in the ground. I remember when we got her, how adorable she as a tiny puppy in that pound. Tears raced my cheeks as my brother stood look out for those trucks who’d shoo us away. We came to this old dirt road before with a ball; let her off the leash and throw it as far as we could, she’d race back with bright eyes and tail wagging. My mom started saying a few words. I couldn’t believe she wasn’t crying. Back home I remember playing hide and seek with her. I’d throw the ball, then hide, and make her find me. If she didn’t I’d steal the ball she dropped and throw it again. I gasped for air for my weeping lungs silently as I watched them push the dirt atop her; she was wrapped in the blanket my mom loved to give her comfort in death. I thought I cried enough so far that day, in the car as my mother and my brother went in with her to put her down. How I wept and sobbed and here I stand fighting the tears in front of my family as she’s covered in dirt. When it’s done they step back and I step forward with the cross, placing it at the head of the grave.

            “Farewell Mysty.” I cried as the cross was sunk into the ground, “I know He’ll keep his promise to take care of you, I’ll see you again soon.”