Be Wary, Young Adventurer

Ah! Young Adventures! Welcome. Welcome to my humble hollow. Yes. Yes. Spare me your awe. I know exactly who I am. There’s no need to point it out. I am Nuray Solana, an old servant of the Wind, though you will know me more for my songs. Oh, I don’t play anymore. Age has taken that away from me, but it’s no matter.

Please, sit. Sit! Help yourself to some tea or lemon water. It’s been a while since anyone has come to my neck of the woods. Let me guess, you’re here because you want some advice? No need to be embarrassed. It’s wise of you to seek advice before taking off on some grand adventure. Well, since you made the trek here I suppose I can’t leave you empty handed. I’ll tell you three important things you should always remember when you undertake a dungeons and dragons.

Number One: Be bold! Don’t be afraid to take action even if it’s just a spur of the moment thought. Know your abilities inside and out and dare to take the adventure into your own hands. You see, when I and the other Defenders of the Wood: Norman the Hedge, and Mini the Gerbean undertook the quest of defeating the Fire Primordial, things often did not go according to plan, but we always seized the moment. Before entering the Fire Plane, we had to make a choice. We could go in and blindly search for the weapon to defeat the Primordial while trying to outrun his minions. Or, we could find a way to locate it directly so we would spend as little time in there as possible. We chose the latter and in doing so we controlled the story. We diverted from the path long enough to ensure we were ready to return to it. Interpret this as you will, but dare to act beyond what’s laid before you, and you’ll see you’re more powerful than you realize.

The second piece of advice I can give you is to remember to look up. So many adventurers fail in their quests because they reach a puzzle they cannot solve because they didn’t look up. Not to mention all the enemies that can come at you from above. I once had a friend, a vulpin named Ori, who had a companion almost get them killed. You see, they were exploring an abandoned spire and down the middle of this spire was an elevator shaft. They went about halfway up the spire through staircases and holes in the ceiling, but one of her companions decided to peak his head into the elevator shaft. He looked down and saw nothing but blackness. From that, he decided they were safe until warm breath came through the shaft. The companion looked up the shaft and saw a fifty-foot fire centipede glaring down at him. If he hadn’t looked up. He and Ori would’ve been caught off guard by the centipede and likely killed. So, remember young ones, always look up.

Now, the final piece of advice I can give you is to have faith. In yourself and your companions. You need to trust each other. Had I not trusted Norman and Mini, we would not have saved the wood. I regret to tell you we had our doubts at one point. There was a moment in our quest where we acquired a strange spellbook, a necromancer’s spellbook. Norman held onto it and the longer he did, the more Mini and I noticed a change in him. As you know, Norman was already an old hedge at the time, but after he got that spellbook, he no longer acted as old as he was. Not to mention, he was obsessed with the thing! Mini and I could not even hold it without him getting angry. We feared what it was doing to him. We feared it was manipulating him and one night, we confronted him about it. We cast our magic on each other because of it!

Ah…it fills me with regret to speak of what happened, but…in the end, though Norman grew obsessed with that book, the intentions of his heart remained the same. He still sought to defend the wood. Still sought to help people and still valued our friendship–in his own, grumpy way.

So, there, young adventures. I hope you take my advice to heart as you go on your way. You may rest here for the night, but you must be off at dawn. Leave this old bard with the wind’s song and build your own tales to stretch the horizons.

My Johnny Depp Story

I always found it interesting how one life can make a big impact. It’s like adding or removing a character from a story. You can drastically change the outcome. When it comes to celebrities, they impact a lot of people–millions of people–and they don’t always meet those people.

Yes. I’ve been following the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial. Yes. I know there’s probably more important things to focus on, but there’s a reason why I’m so dedicated to this trial and if you’ll bear with me, I’d like to explain it. I’d like to tell the story of how Johnny Depp made an impact in my life.

Pirates of the Caribbean; Curse of the Black Pearl came out in 2003 and I was 9 years old at the time. I didn’t see it in theaters. The first time I saw it was in the living room with my family. We got it through Netflix back when they were sending DVDs through mail. Pirates of the Caribbean instantly became my favorite movie after that and my favorite character was Captain Jack Sparrow. I did what any typical 9 year old does when they become obsessed with a movie: I copied Captain Jack, quoted Captain Jack, had a bunch notebooks, binders, and popcorn tins with his face on it and one Christmas, my brother and I got a bunch of Legos all about Pirates of the Caribbean. When next movies came out, we saw them in theaters.

As big a fan as I was of Captain Jack Sparrow, I didn’t consider myself a fan of Johnny Depp. I never stalked the history of Johnny Depp or looked out for his movies. To my 9 year old butt, Johnny Depp was just the actor who played Captain Jack Sparrow. They weren’t the same person. Yet, people always made that correlation. “Oh! You love (Captain) Jack Sparrow! You must love Johnny Depp!” and then you got my mom showing me all these nice photos of Johnny Depp like the ones from his Dior shoots.

I tried to resist it as long as I could. I got a stubborn streak when it comes to mainstream, “what’s in, what’s out” type stuff. I don’t like following the popular. I don’t like following actors who are just people and not their characters. However, in high school, a friend of mine sent me a “16 personalities test.” You the know the kind where your personality is a bunch of letters in a row? I remember taking it and I remember how scary accurate it was. I couldn’t tell you the personality it gave me, but one thing I specifically remember was at the bottom of the page it listed famous people with the same personality type. One was Shakespeare–which I remember doubting because he’s dead, how would people know? And the other one was Johnny Depp.

The actor who plays Captain Jack Sparrow has the same introverted and quiet personality as me. I can’t say if that was that turning point that made admit to being fan of Johnny Depp, but it certainly helped. I’m not the type of fan who knows exactly when his birthday is, when he started his career, who his family is, all that creepy stalker stuff, etc. etc. etc. I’m the type of fan where if I heard Johnny Depp was in a movie, I’d go see that movie.

Then life happens, you know? I went to college, started focusing on work, writing my book, and being me that Captain Jack Sparrow and Johnny Depp were the furthest things from my mind. I had no idea what he was up to. I didn’t even realize he was in Fantastic Beasts until I recognized him at the end of the film–which made me want to watch the sequels.

At some point, I heard about the domestic abuse allegations against him. I remember thinking: “That doesn’t sound right.” Johnny Depp a domestic abuser? I couldn’t see it. However, I knew that I was bias. I knew I didn’t have all the facts. The media likes to blow things out of proportion. And I had no idea what Johnny Depp does in his personal time. I had no grounds to say what allegations came up were true or not. So, when Disney dropped him as Captain Jack Sparrow–as much as I didn’t like it–I understood why they did it (didn’t agree, just understood). Then Johnny Depp was dropped as Grindlewald. I remember thinking that was a terrible idea. WB shouldn’t have done that and given how Secrets of Dumbledore is the worst faring Harry Potter movie, I believe I was right.

These abuse allegations must have bothered me more than I realized, because I ended up having a dream about him. I mean, it makes sense. The only actor I was a fan of as a child was now labeled an abuser. Anyone would take that hard. When it comes to dreams, everyone has different thoughts and there’s still a lot of study going into them–I’m certainly not an expert, but I can tell you what was in my dream. I was–for some unknown reason–working backstage on a Broadway production. My job was to help with costumes and whatnot. I remember standing in a red room in a slender, plain dress and getting degraded by this fancy, older lady actress in a ruby gemstone dress. I have no idea who she was. I just know when she left the room, I was feeling pretty ugly, meek, and worthless. Then, this gentleman walks in and I’m utterly speechless as I recognize Johnny Depp. I remember thinking “This is a person I have to be careful of because people lay claim that he’s an abuser,” but I wasn’t about to walk away from him. He smiled at me. Talked with me. Told me the gown I was wearing looked good on me. It wasn’t a very long conversation, but when he walked away, I remember thinking: “that man is an abuser? Really?! That man? There’s no way!” I know it was just a dream. I didn’t actually meet the real Johnny Depp, but it made me believe in him just a little bit more.

At one point, I heard that Johnny Depp was suing Amber Heard (and I’d like to make it known that I had no idea who Amber Heard was until social media said she was the leading female in Aquaman after Aquaman came out) and the trial was going to be broadcast live. I didn’t pay attention to the dates, I was going to stay out of it, but–of course–some of my friends on Facebook were posting #JusticeforJohnnyDepp. I remember seeing a picture of Johnny Depp wearing a mask over his mouth that said: “Believe all Women” and the post relating to it mentioned a UK trial. That picture definitely bothered me.

So that did it. I was curious. I started looking up articles about what was going on between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard and I discovered that this current trial was about an op-ed in 2018 that Amber Heard wrote. Reading about it led me to posting “The Power of Words” on April 20th. Eventually, found the trial live on Youtube. I think it was day 3 or day 4 when I started watching it. I was completely lost in what was going on, but then Johnny Depp took the stand.

It really hit me as I watched him tell his story. He stuttered over his words because he wanted to find the right ones. He was slow in explaining to make sure he knew what he was saying. He admitted to being a painter, a drawer, a writer, an overall creative soul. Like me.

I was reminded of that personality test I took in high school. The one that claimed I had the same personality type as Johnny Depp and seeing him on the stand made me believe it was right. No, we don’t have the same background, but we both escape to creative arts and get inside our heads when stress arises. I could relate to the reactions he said he had while facing different things. We’re both introverts and introverts don’t like to speak up or have the spotlight.

I was going through a rough time before the trial started. I left a job because I felt betrayed by it. The people there turned against me and my manager wouldn’t hear my side of the story. I got out of there because I felt if I didn’t, I would get fired for doing nothing wrong except being too quiet. I started blaming myself. If I hadn’t been so quiet, if I would’ve just spoke my side of the story and not let others drown me out. If I would’ve fought harder, things wouldn’t have turned out the way that they did. But, I didn’t fight. I didn’t speak up because I didn’t think I could. I’m the quiet one. The introvert. Who’s ever going to take the time to listen to me stumble to get my story out there? To wait for me to organize my thoughts just to say one sentence? It’s not possible in the world we live in today. You have to know what to say in the moment. Be willing to talk over and cut off others and I blamed my personality for me being unable to do that. I didn’t believe I could ever do that.

Then Johnny Depp took the stand.

I cried about it a couple times and it still sticks with me. Johnny Depp, an introvert, a “quiet one,” is taking a stand to tell his side of the story and he’s doing it live in front of the entire world. He took his time and stuttered on the stand. He fought back against cross examiner and even spoke over him and cut him off. I loved every bit of sass Johnny gave Mr. Rottenborn. Every day the trial takes court, the more truth comes out. The more the truth comes out, the more people are supporting him. He’s got millions standing in his corner. A “quiet one” has the support of people across the globe, because he was brave enough to tell his story. So, yeah. I support him 100%.

Thank you, Johnny Depp, for proving that the “quiet one” can have a voice. That it’s possible for an introvert to fight for truth and not be limited by our personality. Thank you for proving me wrong. I may not be at that point now, but someday. I now believe it’s possible for me to have a voice. To get my truth out there. Personality isn’t an inhibiter.

Thank you for proving that, Johnny.

When a Dream Fades

With a quiet tear,
You watch as all you hold dear,
Just sighs and falls away.

There’s no words to be said,
It’s more than in your head
And you’ve not even the energy to pray.

Pray and wonder why?
All you can do now is cry
As impossible comes knocking at your door.

Perhaps it’s your fault?
This dream’s come to a halt.
and put your heart at war.

All things have a purpose,
But is it really worth it?
This pain you have to endure.

All you ever wanted.
Now snatched, cursed, and haunted.
Where at once, all was so pure.

But love is never wrong.
It provides what makes us strong.
And you’ll realize in the end.

The dream had meaning.
Even without the weaning.
And in love’s hand you’ll mend.

Let your heart grieve.
But never believe.
That this was all your fault.

A plan is in place.
Have hope! Have faith!
Love keeps you safe like a vault.

Some day. Some time.
You’ll be out of the grime
And take your stand once more.

For even faded dreams,
Despite evil’s schemes,
Can be given the chance to soar.

Never Ending Reading List

Writers. Readers. We all have one. I dare you to share yours (or at least a part of it). What books are you reading? What books are you wanting to read? How long is your “To Read” list? Here’s some of mine (and I say some because I know I’ve probably forgotten one or two. Feel free to take a look through. You might find a book you want to add to your list.

Currently Reading: The Siren’s Depths By Martha Wells

Started, but never finished:
  • Dark Warrior Rising by Ed Greenwood
  • S. by J.J. Abrams and Doug Dorst
To Read:
  • The Wishsong of Shannara by Terry Brooks
  • Eragon Series by Christopher Paolini
  • The Spark by David Drake
  • The Dragon’s Legacy by Deborah A. Wolf
  • A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms by George R.R. Martin
  • Embers by Ronie Kendig
  • Wolf Hunting by Jane Lindskold
  • Argonauts by Kevin Kneupper
  • Dune series by Frank Herbert
  • Isle of Hope by Julie Lessman
  • Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordian
  • The Warrior Heir by Cinda Williams Chima
  • Leviathan by Scott Westerfield
  • Moon Called by Patricia Briggs
  • The Once and Future King by T. H. White
  • The Immortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare
  • Fablehaven by Brandan Mull
  • Furyborn by Claire Legrand
  • Nottingham by Nathan Makaryk
  • The Queens of Innis Lear by Tessa Gratton
  • Partials by Dan Wells
  • The King’s Blood by Daniel Abraham
  • Crown of Vengeance by Mercedes Lackey
  • Lament by Maggie Stiefvater
  • Incarceron by Catherine Fisher
  • Stalked by Flames by Susan Illene
  • Kill the Queen by Jennifer Estep

Again, these are not all of them. These are just the ones I can find on my various reading lists spread through many different apps and journals. Please feel free to comment your favorite book on this page, my Facebook Page, and/or my Twitter if you’d like! Reading lists may seem overwhelming, but they’re meant to be long to give you any and all options.

The Power of Words

If you’ve been following the News this week, you’d know that there’s a trial going on between two famous actors: Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Each one is trying to sue the other for millions of dollars. Now, I don’t usually get into drama/political debates, but, honestly, I can relate to this case. My relation may not be on such a grand scale that it involves lawsuits and long trials, but its essentially the same issue.

This trial is happening because of an opinion piece Amber Heard made in the 2018 Washington Post. She described herself as a “public figure representing domestic abuse.” She gave no names. Didn’t associate a single person to her writing, however, given she divorced Johnny Depp in 2016, people saw Johnny as the abuser in her article. It ruined his career and any hope that fans had of seeing him as Captain Jack Sparrow again. Now, I don’t know who’s lying or who’s telling the truth in the Johnny Depp trial, but I know one thing: Amber Heard knew her writing would impact Johnny Depp even though she left his name off it. Why do I know this? Because, I did the exact same thing.

My writing isn’t making the grand scale drama like the Johnny Depp trial, but the situation is the same. About a month ago, I posted a poem on this website called Let Me Go. I wrote it out of hurt. You see, I was having a hard time at the place where I worked. Straight to the point where I was miserable. A coworker that I thought I was close friends with started cutting me off and treating me like I didn’t exist. They did this all because of a possibility of another lead position opening up on my team and when the lead position did open up, things got worse. Gossip started behind closed doors. The team was starting to take sides: hers or mine. It no longer felt like a workplace, but a battleground where if you didn’t watch what you did, you would get reprimanded for it and fired. I felt that my coworker was blinded by ambition and pushing out everyone that stood in their way. I was angry at myself for not being able to fix the relationship we once had. For being too reserved and unable to speak my mind. I started believing that I was the problem even though I felt I did nothing wrong. I realized I was no longer wanted. No one would listen to my side of the story. I still cared for this coworker and I knew she would be a great lead for the team, but it hurt the way she treated me. All that led to me writing Let Me Go. At the time, I didn’t see the harm of posting that poem. I only got about 10 views on my site a week anyway and considering there’s at least five of my family members who follow my posts, I didn’t think anyone else would see it.

Boy, was I wrong.

My website got over 100 views that week all because of that poem. One of my coworkers read it and they spread it to the rest of my workplace. I kept telling myself I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not the one who tagged my ambitious coworker to that poem and I had a right to freedom of speech. I’m a writer. I struggle to verbally communicate so writing is how I cope best. Yet, I knew who I was writing about when I wrote that poem. I may not have named them, but it was all about them. I don’t know what their reaction was to it, because we never spoke. Like I said: she treated me like I didn’t exist and that was way before the poem was posted.

My point is that deep down, I knew there would be backlash. I knew that if she ever saw that poem then it would hurt her and it was wrong of me to call her out like that. Words cut deeper than the flesh and I know mine probably did some damage. I didn’t put her name on the poem, but it still made her the target.

This is how I know that Amber Heard knew her op-ed in the Washington Post would affect Johnny Depp. Every writer knows there’s power in words. They’re one of the best weapons out there. They can tear someone down enough to make them contemplate suicide or build them up to make them feel on top of the world. You have to be careful with them and think long and hard on how you use them. Amber’s words hurt Johnny Depp whether the allegations are true or not. She could’ve done it out of sheer, dramatic spite, or she could’ve done it because it was the honest to God truth. I sympathize with Johnny Depp because I think about the target of the my poem. Even though everything I said in it felt like truth to me. Even though I have a right to post my freedom of speech on my website, it couldn’t have felt good to be on the receiving end of that poem and knowing all your coworkers are seeing it to. Johnny Depp’s and Amber Heard’s trial is going to last a long time and affect so many people. All because of a page long op-ed in the Washington Post.

Regardless of who you believe, I hope this article makes you consider how you use your words today and every day after. Whether its in response to trivial drama at work or on a grander scale like the Johnny Depp trial. The tongue and the pen have the power of life and death. Use them carefully.

So Bad

Just the other night, I got to enjoy two episodes of Star Trek; Deep Space Nine. My mom and I watch it together and so far, we’re on season 3. One of the things I love about Star Trek is how it challenges you to think broader. The two episodes I watched the other night were the Past Tense Part 1 & 2 episodes. If you’re unfamiliar with them, allow me to explain.

The crew of Deep Space Nine was returning to Earth for a lot of formal regulatory stuff. Well, while the commander, doctor, and science officer are beaming down to Earth, temporal particles disrupt the transporter device. Our three heroes make it to their destination safely; but, they end up arriving in San Francisco in the year 2024.

2024!

That’s 2 years from now!

Now, I’ve never been to San Francisco, but I like to believe the Star Trek version of San Francisco in 2024 is vastly different from what it really is. People in the Star Trek version of San Francisco who didn’t have jobs or places to live ended up getting placed in closed off areas called Sanctuary Districts. In fact, if they didn’t have an I.D. card on them, they got processed in those districts. The District our heroes got thrown into had over 10,000 people living it. 10,000 people were promised they would be helped in finding jobs, homes, and a way to sustain their own normal life. Yet, those promises went unfulfilled. The people were even divided by slang terms and demeaned often. A “dim” was someone with mental health issues that could be corrected if they were allowed the right kind of medication. A “gimmie” is someone who’s looking for help (a job or housing) and is making an effort to find it. While a “ghost” is someone inside the Sanctuary who preys on others for their food cards, clothing, you name it. The only person a “ghost” trusts is themselves.

The commander and doctor in our story got the opportunity to see every side of the Sanctuary while the science officer gets to see what life is like outside it. The upper class, the “haves”, or people with I.D.’s and jobs, they all know what happens in the Sanctuaries. Many believe they’re there to help people. To get those less fortunate off the street and back on their feet. Yet, our science officer begs the question that if the Sanctuaries are there to just help people, then why are there walls around them? The Sanctuaries ended up becoming a place for unfortunate people to get thrown into, forgotten, and mistreated like no one deserves.

Our heroes end up discovering that they have to live through a brutal point in Earth’s history (all because they got someone very important unintentionally killed and screwed up the timeline). You see, in Star Trek lore, the only thing that ended these Sanctuaries was a riot that got hundreds of people killed. One man (the guy our heroes got killed) kept hostages safe through the entire thing. He got the stories of innocent victims of these sanctuaries told through the internet so that the world could see what was really going on. All that paved the way for change–and apparently helped pave the groundwork for Starfleet and the Federation of Planets.

As wonderful as it is that our heroes righted history and made all things good again, the episode ended with one pondering question. Our dear, Dr. Bashir asks: “How could they have let things get so bad?”

“How could they have let things get so bad?”

That’s a great question, right? How could things in those Sanctuaries that initially had good intentions get so bad? And with it being the year 2024, it makes you wonder how much of Star Trek is going to be right? We may not have full blown Sanctuaries, but something similar? Something you look at that makes you think: “that’s wrong,” but you don’t do anything about it. Climate change, homelessness, job losses, illnesses going untreated, people going hungry.

There was something else said in the episodes that felt like a wake-up call to society. Our good doctor, Dr. Bashir, is trying to reassure one of the hostages. He tells her that it’s not her fault things are this way and she tells him: “Everyone thinks that; yet, nothing changes.”

I think people these days are guilty of seeing a situation and using that excuse.
“It’s not my fault that person is starving.”
“It’s not my fault the country ended up this way.”
“It’s not my fault those people are dying in a war they didn’t ask for.”
“It’s not my fault. I didn’t know.”
“I’m just trying to survive myself. I have too many problems to worry about. I don’t have time for yours.”

So, tell me: how can you make a difference in the world? How can we stop things from getting so bad that a riot needs to happen for change to occur? How can things get better if society remains in a “Me First” focus?

Imagine how unstoppable humans can be if we banded together to make things better. If we looked out for each other instead of ourselves.

You can tell yourself: “It’s not my fault that person is starving,” but are you in a position to help them? You may not be able to help feed them for life, but you can help feed them for today. Give them strength to keep trying.

It’s so easy to get into that mindset. “The government’s corrupt and that’s not my fault!” But it’ll be your fault if you let it stay that way. If you just stand by and watch problems grow or people starve. You’re still to blame for doing nothing.

OOF. This is a heavy post. Yet, sometimes people need a kick in the teeth to do something about the wrongs in the world. You might be thinking of something now that’s been eating at you, but you’ve stood idly by. Maybe it’s that guy on the corner who begs for food and money or a policy in a workplace that doesn’t help people like it should? My point is: I dare you to make a difference. It doesn’t have to be anything big and extraordinary! Everything starts out with baby steps–even walking! So, I dare you to take a look around during your day to day and look for a way you can make a difference in someone else’s life.

The Past Tense episodes of Star Trek; Deep Space Nine aired in 1995 and their prediction for 2024 isn’t a great one. We may not have Sanctuary districts, but wouldn’t it be neat if future generations looked back at our 2024 and thought: “that was a good year. That was a year people truly cared.” We could inspire them and make a difference to last through the millennia so no one ever has to ask the question: “How could they let things get so bad?”

For the Escape Artists.

Playing a game. Casting magic. Exploring.
Or reading a book of adventure, not boring.
Watching a movie of a place far away,
Or writing out demons to keep them at bay.

What magic there is to be flying the clouds.
And wishing you never have to come down.
Be a swordsman, a ranger, a solider in space.
Something else besides your own race.

There’s lessons in there, a story of wonder.
And details and details to make you ponder.
An artisans work, a craft from the heart.
All for the stories so you can take part.

Whether a game, a movie, a book, or a play.
There’s something to keep reality at bay.
With decisions and bills arising such stress.
You realize the real world is kind of a mess.

So, thank the author, the director, the playwriter too.
And the game designer with worlds so brand new.
For the escape–for a moment–to keep stress at bay.
When reality comes to ruin your day.

Such artists offer their hearts and their souls.
To build an escape you can tenderly hold.
The pressure of life weighs on your shoulders
And expectations from others rolling like boulders.

You run and you run, an Indiana chase.
Until an artist comes in to break up the pace.
They reach out their hand, pull you out the side-door
And show you new worlds of wonder galore.

And reality, for a moment, has to take a sit
And wait for you to get your fix.
Then you can face reality and its dreadful scorner
With all of these artists backed in your corner.

So thank the designer, director, and all the plot twists
Delivered to us by our escape artists.

The Hour of Doom

This was it, I realized. This is how we die. All our efforts, all our sacrifices, all our near death experiences. They all led down to failure. My friend, Mini the Mouse, is bleeding out at my feet. We were supposed to hold out until Norman the Hedgehog found the Polaris, an ice staff of ancient power. I’m Nuray, of the noble barn owl House of Solana. Who did we think we are? To enter the Fire Domain and challenge Achazar, the primordial being of fire? Mini’s just a bandit. Norman an old miner and me? I should’ve been a warrior like the rest of my family. Maybe if I was, we wouldn’t be down on our knees waiting for Achazar’s growing fireball to kill us. I’m just a bard with nothing left to give.

It’s a chilling feeling when you finally greet death. Here I am, in a land scorched and burning and all I feel is cold. I lost count how many times we almost died, but none of them felt like this. I suppose that means this time will finally take. Too bad I’ll be dying untrue to myself.

To enter this domain of fire, we had to become blessed by the element. If not, we’d be dodging Achazar’s fireballs from the time we stepped in to the moment we were finally in range to fight him ourselves. But, you see, I was already blessed by Reya or Altus, gods of the wind. My life was devoted to following them and the way the wind blows. I gave all that up. Everything about who I was, just so I could enter this domain and try to stop Achazar from burning the kingdom to the ground…

Mini’s not getting up. I can see the fight fading in his eyes and it brings me to tears. If I had one more spell…One more song to inspire…One more something! I could save him, but my magic is spent and all my instruments were burned. There’s nothing I can do except watch him die.

Where was Norman?! Had he found the Polaris yet?! Though, I know my questions will go unanswered. Achazar lobs his fireball at us. I could try to fly away, but then I would leave Mini here to die and he’s my friend. So, I watch as the fireball comes like a meteor in the sky. I will not look away. I will face death like a warrior and hope the wind will accept my spirit in the afterlife.

The strongest gale I’ve ever felt suddenly whips through the air. Achazar’s fireball redirects and pulverizes the ground thirty feet away. I hardly believe it! I was sure death would’ve…but why hadn’t it?!

“Rise Nuray! The fight is not yet done!”

The divine voice echoes throughout the domain. When I turn around, I think my eyes are fooling me! The great owl god Altus, and hawk god Reya are flying twenty feet above me. The gods of the winds themselves! Altus has his wings spread wide in full control of the tempest that redirected the fireball. Reya lands down at my side. Where Altus was the mighty warrior, Reya was the steward of nature. She stretched her wing over Mini and healing magic sealed his wounds.

“Achazar belongs not in this world,” Altus speaks surely and it makes me believe victory could be possible. “Continue the fight, young, devoted one, and banish the primordial back where he belongs!”

The wind picks up and it has never felt so good on my feathers. The fire blessing on my hand fades away and I feel new energy strengthen my veins. The wind patterns on my feathers returns and joy wells inside of me. Altus and Reya restored my wind blessing! There’s still a chance to defeat Achazar.

“And, for the little mouse,” Reya speaks. Her tone is as nurturing as a new mother. Mini regained consciousness, but was staring up at the two, giant bird of prey with fear in his eyes. He twitched when Reya held out a pair of winged boots to him, and–for once–he was speechless.

“Thank you.” I bowed to the two gods. With a pair of winged boots, Mini would have an easier time dodging Achazar’s fireballs. We could both take to the skies and attack Achazar like starlings on a hawk. We could buy the time it would take for Norman to get here with the Polaris.

Reya and Altus gave a single nod. Once Mini had the boots on, the two gods folded their wings. The air stilled and Mini and turned to face Achazar. “Are you ready?” I asked.

Mini bobbed his head. He was used to flying with me and not on his own. I hope he gets the hang of it quickly. He raised his sword. “For the people of the wood!”

We took to the sky, flying straight toward Achazar. I raised my own battle cry: “For the honor of the wind!”

Wow! What a Word Count!

I like to believe every writer struggles with word count. Whether you don’t have quite enough words to fit your genre or you just have WAY too many. For my non-writer friends, allow me to explain:

Word count is kind of a big deal in the writing world–especially for debut authors. Agents and publishers want to know how many words are in your novel right off the bat and if its an acceptable length for your genre. Too little words and, well, you don’t quite have a story. Too many, and your book becomes too expensive to take a risk on. It may not seem right. I mean, a story is a story, who cares how long or short it is? BUT, would you want to read a novel that’s over two inches thick? There’s a lot of judgement that comes from readers. People look at the size, the cover, the summary on the back, and one wrong thing can make them put it back on the shelf. If a brand new book is too thick, less people will be willing to read it and agents and publishers will be out of money.

So, what’s the ideal word count? Well, for my genre: Young/New Adult Fantasy, the ideal is anywhere in between 75,000 and 95,000 words. It can vary, depending on who you ask, but the range typically hits the same ball park. For epic fantasies (which is my playground), the word count can get up to 150,000 words, but that is not ideal for debut authors.

You might be thinking: “Wow that’s a lot of words! But is that really?” Let me give you a little context. Consider J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. It’s 76,944 words long which meets the lower end of the YA fantasy ideal word count. Then, you have J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit. At 95,356 words, it meets the upper end of the YA fantasy ideal word count.

“Yeah, but Nikki, J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien ended up writing books longer than that!”

You’re right. They wrote longer books after getting these first ones published. From the research I’ve done and the trends I’ve seen, once an author establishes a fanbase and gets readers interested in their stories, it doesn’t matter how long your next books are. I mean, Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix was over 257,000 words! And Fellowship of the Ring, Tolkien’s next book was over 187,000 words! The point is that people will read stories they enjoy and if they correlate good stories to an author, they’ll follow that author regardless of what they write.

“So, Nikki, I’m a writer and I can’t get my word count to ideal.”

I can’t either. I’ll be honest, I’ve struggled with word count for as long as I’ve been writing! The first draft of my novel was over 300,000 words! That’s as long as George R.R. Martin’s A Feast For Crows. But, I also had a lot of filler in my novel. There was a bunch of scenes that didn’t help the story, I didn’t have my characters following the best arch possible, and my descriptions were WAY too long. I still cringe at the thought of my first draft. It’s like looking back at your high school yearbook, seeing what you were wearing, and asking yourself: “What was I thinking?!”

The first time I did a word count edit on my novel I was able to knock it down to 137,000 words. I rewrote the entire thing just to get it there. It was tough. I mean, I spent a lot of time building that first draft, it hurt to think it wasn’t perfect, but that’s what it means to be a writer. You have to rewrite your story over and over again to make it a masterpiece. It’s a long journey, but if you keep applying what you learn, its worth it in the end. You’ll start to look at your story and think: “Wow, I wrote that!”

“So, if you can’t get it to the ideal word count, what do you do?”

Get it the best you can. My opinion may be unpopular with agents and editors, but–to me–the story comes first. The characters come first and if its going to take me 125,000 words to tell that story through the eyes of the characters, then I’m gonna do it. If you’ve been following my webposts, you know that my New Year’s resolution is to complete my novel’s current draft and I’m about halfway through it. 2021’s version of my novel was about 127,000 words. I compared the word count of where I’m at currently to the word count of where I’m at in my old draft and I’ve decreased my word count by about 6,000 words!

“Nikki, that doesn’t seem like a lot and aren’t you cutting story content with that?”

You’re right. It may not seem like a lot when you compare it to the ideal word count, but it’s encouraging because I’m only halfway through! I’ve got more cleaning up planned and I’m proving to myself that it’s possible to improve a story while decreasing word count. I’ve gotten feedback from my trusty, alpha readers that the new chapters are preferred over the old ones. I’m not cutting story content because I did that already with the 300,000 word draft. What I’m focusing on now is cleaning up descriptions and rewording sentences to fix fragments and boost clarity. My problem with descriptions is that I often give too much. I want the reader to see exactly what I’m seeing down to the tiniest detail that I don’t give the reader the chance to build the setting for themselves. That’s one of the best things about reading, right? Being able to craft an author’s world and characters that when the book becomes a movie, you furrow your brow at the screen and think: “That’s not how I envisioned it, but alright.”

So, I’m learning is to trust my reader with descriptions. They’re clearly more than capable of imagining what an alchemist’s shop or a castle looks like. If you’re also a writer struggling with word count, I encourage you to take a look at your descriptions and decide what’s really needed. Do you need to go into the details of all the beakers and test tubes on your scientific scene or can you say you’re character enters a laboratory and leave the rest up to the reader?

“What if you still can’t reach that ideal word count?”

It’s not the end of the world, but you’re going to struggle with publication. Cassandra Clare’s first novel was City of Bones and it is roughly 128,000 words. Sarah J. Maas wrote The Throne of Glass. The first time she submitted, it was at 240,000 words. She got rejected. She then got it down to 145,000 words and got rejected by editors. Finally, at 104,000 words, she got published. It isn’t impossible to get published at a higher word count, but it’s definitely tough. You’ll see a lot of articles out there telling you to “Be the rule, not the exception.” It definitely increases your odds of getting published if you do. You could try querying at your high word count and if rejections start coming in, you might have to take another hard look at your novel. Or, you might just have to write a new novel to be your debut. I know that sounds like starting over, but if you feel you can’t shorten your story anymore without hurting it, you just might have too.

In the end, word count is important and it can make or break you. My advice for a brand new writers ready to get their first draft on the page is to not worry about it yet. For your first draft, get every little detail, every scene, and character your heart desires on that page and save the word count struggles for later drafts down the road. It’s a lot easier to clean up a story than to write one, so enjoy the writing in the first draft. Enjoy the characters, the setting, the story’s twists and turns. Then when you’re done, set your heart aside and let your brain go to work in figuring out what’s helping the story and what isn’t. If you manage to write your story in the ideal word count range, congratulations! You’re ahead of the game!

For those of you working on decreasing word count: I know how daunting it can be. I know how much it hurts to remove scenes or characters from the story that aren’t helping it, but in the end you’ll be better for it. You can always save those scenes and those characters for other novels you write. Maybe a side character in this story would be better main character in your next one? Never throw away your ideas. Just stick them on the shelf for a while. As time goes on, you’ll get new ideas to improve scenes and you may end up cringing at your first draft like I do. You just have to keep at it. Writing is an art and a muscle. You have to keep working it to improve. Someday, word count might be the last thing you think about when writing. Who knows? You may end up with a series over 1,000,000 words long. What a word count that would be.

A Hero or a Villain?

Everyone is a hero in their story
And everyone is a villain as well.
The villains think themselves the heroes
and the heroes tell the villains “Go to h***”

But whether a hero or whether a villain there’s something everyone should know.
The heroes and villains are quite frankly just people with hurt they dare not show.

A writer writes heroes. A writer writes villains. A writer puts thoughts on a page.
When the thoughts line up and the feelings come out, it’s the pen that takes their rage.

A thousand tears and a hundred fears. It’s the pen that makes no judgement.
But when the feelings are shown and all is known, it’s the people who cast judgement.

So when the die is cast, you’re made an outcast and the villain in your story.
Who cares what you think? Who cares if you’re hurt? People just want you to say sorry.

But who’s really the villain? Who’s really the hero? No one will ever know!
Because from both sides the hurt runs deep like an unforgiving blow.

Reach out and get slapped. So, you always hold back.
You’re afraid they’ll say “she snapped.”

They only reach out when you need to pout and space to clear your way.
When you don’t respond–so you don’t come undone. Their whispers ruin your day.

Try to reach out, but nothing changes, so here’s where I can’t stay.
Minds are made up. Judgement cast. All that’s left is dismay.

I’m marked the villain and forgo the hero. Let the crowds display their leer.
Let them spread their whispers for everyone to hear:

“The villain is petty. Her heart is ugly.
Don’t forget, she walks quite smugly.
We all agree. It’s crystal clear.
Wherever she belongs, it’s certainly not here.”

So, I’ll be the villain in your story and mine.
I just hope you’ll let me go. We shouldn’t waste anymore time.

Let me fade and be forgotten. So your heart can mend.
Then, when someone comes around the bend,
So shining and brand new.
Your grudge with me is at an end and to them you can be true.

I’m moving on since I’m already gone and I hope that you can too.
May you peace and prosperity and all sorts of clarity and may you never be blue.

Then down the road when troubles unfold and you find yourself a new villain,
May you do better than we and focus on glee and positives for trillions.

May you always be the hero and see others as one too, I know I’ll certainly try.
May we forgive and forget and move on to what’s next until the day we die.

So, hero or villain depends on who’s asked and what’s their point of view.
Yet, moving forward, there’s one thing we all know that’s true.

Whether the hero or whether the villain, everyone now knows:
Heroes and villains are quite frankly just people with hurt they dare not show.